h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*suddenly all the signs that gave directions round the base spontaneous burst into falmes and all that remain are cinders*

no matter - there's always the gps!

thank the stars for satellite technology. better get nobody to jam their transmissions before they knock out our electronics!

Nah, this things shielded against EMP. Besides, they'd lose all their equipment as well.
*Gives the unit a second to warm up and acclimate*
It's this way!
*Creeps down a corridor. A hidden guard lunges out with a knife. NC turns out of the way, pulls his cuff link, revealing a foot of piano wire, which he loops over the guards neck and garrotes him. Drops the guard, pulls a key card from the guards vest, and continues down the hall*

whatch out for the elite gaurds in the control room .... if you get there

*doors close around the intruders*

*a small metorite hits teh gps satalite ripping right threw it rendering useless*

*Amidst the chaos of the firefight, crawls up the wall and into an air vent, wearing a gas mask to protect him from any gas defences. Uses this method to get to the control room. Whips out a blowgun and fires poisonous darts into the backs of several elite's necks, killing them instantly and retreating into the shadows. In the ensuing confusion, is able to exit the air vent relatively undetected and quickly pinch the asses of several elites to make them sexually paranoid and take out their rage on each other. Those who do see BM chase him to behind an important-looking console of some sort and open fire. BM, being a ninja, backflips over their heads and throws ninja death stars at them. This temporarily knocks them off guard, allowing BM to punch them unconscious.*

Aren't spies supposed to be stealthy?

you shouldn't of even been detected in the 1st place. and once detected you should of slipped into the shadows ... not turned up like an army ready to carpet bomb

TINK SPECIAL FORCES, NOT INFANTRY.

*wonders if he should tell WIRO that the meteor hit one of the many decoys I put up there. Puts on his infra-red goggles that can be switched between that and night-vision googles and sees two ELITE guards approaching*

I got these guys!

*sneaks up along the wall and as they start to come around the wall I jump up and kick them both square in the jaw and send them flying*

*walks up to them and removes there weapons and holsters them, then give them time to stand up and regain themselves*

Lets see how ELITE you guys are!

*gets in a fighting stance then jumps up and over his head and turn lands on his shoulders grabs his neck with my legs and flips him snapping his neck and slamming his head into the ground and then turns it into a spin kick on the other gaurd*

Come on guard show me what you got!

*pulls out dagger and prepares for the attack he makes*

*guard leaps for me but I jump over him and push him away with my foot and then slowly walk up to him and thrusts the dagger through his back, heart, lungs, and chest. pulls out key cards and floor plans of the joint which has secret passage ways into the control room.*

Hey guys look at this!

*flips goggles to night-vision and reads the floor plan*

Its interesting.

*an elite hits G on the back of the neck*

didn't see that coming did you

*a meteor shower knocks out all the satalites in the sky*

*someone triggers teh anti-personal systems*

*falls to the ground*

oooo that hurt!

*flips to his back and nails the guard in the crotch, the guard falls and he stabs the guard mercilessly*

Die you darn ELITE!!!!!!!!

*finally gets to his damn job*

*dons gas mask and IR goggles ages ago and has been shooting grunts since*


I'm goin in to take out the transmission! Snipes, can I see that map?


*gets behind some crates and examines map for a few seconds*
gottit.

*glances around a bit then crosses the crossfire in the hall very quickly to hide between 2 crates at the other side, then kicks one of the crates' sides*

*crate doesn't move but side falls in*

*disappears through the hole down a short ladder and ends up in a sewer like tunnel*

*checks gas mask*

*rushes down hallway, turns left, right, right, left, then goes up another ladder*

*switches CDs*

*comes into a room with a bunch of technicians at some controls, 2 grunts on a walkway around the top and the only other weapons in a case at the far end of the room*

*shoots darts into the necks of gunts, they fall silently, unheard because of the machinery's whirring*

*tosses a hand grnade across the room and destroy weapons case, catching the attention of the technicians*

*one of them calls for help as the others are slaughtered*

crap.

* rushes over to the controls, examines them for a few seconds, sighs, backs away a bit, and blows the room to bits*

*grunts start swarming in through the secret entrance he came in through*

*strafes*

Some help here!? the jammer's down though.

*more and more grunts come in*

*is very close to running out of ammo*

did you call for ammo?

with or without the satellite, there's no problem finding the control room - you just follow the line of dead bodies 's what i did.

before you finish in the control room, could someone disable...Aux generator number 2? I found the storehouse for the WMD's, two halls SW of you, but the door is magnetically sealed. Any explosions near it will be deflected away and bring down most of this place on top of us. Take out the generator, then I can use a shaped charge on the door and use Doc's shampoo on the warheads.
*Prepares SEMTEX*

i'm *pretty* sure that did it, but you might want to try shooting at the door with a low-calibre weapon first... hang on, my equipment detects two anomalous blobs headed in your direction. if you take them out, maybe you can use 'em as shields

*aux gen 2 is still working, thoug haux gen decoy 2 has recieved a number of shots and will explode in


5

4

3

2

1

BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

*Bounces a flash bang around the corner. Pulls sidearm, waits for the bang*
Bang!
*Leans out, aims,*
Click. Click.
hope this works...
*drags the two to the door. Door emits a beep and slides open.*
Hey, this door opened. I think one of these guys had a biometric implant of some kind. ...yeah, this guy has a scar on his wrist, probably an id chip. Anyway, give me a minute with the WMD's, then grab what you can and let's get out of here!

*Pulls knife, 'removes' id chip, and wanders into storeroom, wide eyed as a kid in a candystore*

Hi...

*all security doors in the building close (vertical). at teh base andd top of each door, motors move into place dead bolts*

*power to the building is cut.(no way to restore for one week, no back ups)*

(doors will take 3 daysto cut through(each))

any cahrges, even shaped, will be reflected.

*entilation has been sealed with doors that work in the same way*

*Whips out a pair of pistols and shoots the Elites in the heads, and all the others kill each other. MacGyvers a few bits and bobs and creates a miniature nuclear reactor, which he hooks up directly to the main computer and restores power to the base, albeit in a delicate and somewhat dangerous fix. All Elites in the main controlroom now dead, deactivates Aux Generator #2 and takes control of the remote autoguns, killing grunts in the most heavily guarded room which haven't lost their security cameras yet. Downloads a map of the entire facilty and unlocks all doors. Just to be safe, programs a keycard to 'master' setting, meaning that it will open any door.*

OK guys, I can see you on the monitor. Through the door in the north wall of the room you're in is a WMD silo, might want to check that out. There seems to be some sort of bio weapons research lab near to my location, I'll investigate in a few minutes.

*the generator fails*

*capacitors that had been holding charge tehn close teh doors agin and dead bolt them*

*card won't open anything till power is restored*

*Repairs the generator so that it is better than before and will not fail in any way for at least a year, and all the doors reopen and dead bolt so that they will always be open in case of a power cut.*

Can we please stop with the Dei Ex Machina, now?

Roger the silo; I'm there now. They have enough Re-entry warheads in here to make the moon look fertile... Who is bankrolling these guys? Anyway, gimme a second with this corrosive Bloodlust gave me.
*tinkers a bit. Wipes away a tear.*
Bye, guys. We coulda had some fun...
*Sets detonator. Walks out of silo, throws biometric id into the room, so the blast doors close. *
Alright, the uplink is set. Give the word when we're ready, and this place turns into slime.