h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*white star 9 turns about and faces opposing fleet.*

we are of Terrania and have many allies throughout the galaxy! we have minbari, vorlon, imperial fleet, Terranic Fleet and yes, even the most feared of them all, Duckman Security Services.*visibly shivers as he says that last line.* so in short, surrender or die.
*at that point jumpgates open all around the newly uncloaked fleet and nuclear sidewinder missiles hurtle through to their targets causing massive damage to vogon fleet.*

(comm: Csshhhhhhh sshhhhhhh.... running out of...... csshhhhhhh..... Need some delivered...... shhhhhh...........not much time left.... csshhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

DESTROY THEM!!!
*fires approx. 900 missiles, launches 500 fighter and launches additional 600 torpedoes*

(which turns out to be an illusion as mere nuclear missiles could never hurt the mighty fleet)
*The comparitively tiny original fleet zoom toward the citizen carrier, fists first, crushing anything in the way flat as a pancake*

(comm: Csssshhhhhh.. repeat....)

(a terranian twiddles the radio knob to pick up what the vogons are saying)
(comm: repeat, we're running out of blargcake. We need some delivered ASAP, there's not much time left the general will have us all destroyed if he doesn't get any!)

* through the still open jumpgates comes an armada of white stars and vorlon destroyers all rapidly firing their forward guns. vogon ships in their panic begin to collide with each other, making rather satisfying boom noises and lighting up our display screen quite effectively. reefgirl sits in the captains chair at the centre of the bridge holding a , creachy is casually leaning up against the side of the seat on the massive arms also holding a *

i don't know. i am sure this could look better.

*looks over to control consle being manned by minbari*

could'nt dim the lights could ya?

*the lights dim. it could be a night in by a nice log fire if the imagination is good enough.*

all that leaves now is the robot thing.

*just before the vorlons and white stars begin to fire the vogon fleet fazes briefly out of real space, the energy of which creates an attractive light, not unlike that of a ship being destroyed. The ships faze back behind the other fleet and destroy the newcomer and the jumpgate with a suprise attack and volly of incredibly powerful multiphasic 'ruptor*

*emerges from terrania in a catspacesuit and knocks on creachy's ships door*
HEY CREACHY!! NEED SOMEONE IN COMMUNICATIONS?

*in destroying the vorlons the vogon had merelu released the pure energy beings from their physical manifestation. the now really angry vorlons begin to attack the vogon directly. this is not desirable from anyone as the fury of the vorlons is immeasurable and so too their power. the rest of us need only watch as the vogon fleet is taken apart molecule by molecule in all space time continuams.*

8notices weird knocking on window. looks to Reefgirl who nods.*

yeah, jump in. i will open the airlock at the side.

*utilizing simple energy containing fields each vorlon is captured and helps run the lights and hot water by burning with fury*

Sir... I'm sorry to tell you this, but it looks like they outgun us a little. However, I just interupted a transmission from them saying that their leader is in need of cake. I believe that some of the lower ranking vorlons could be bribed with this wrath-delaying cake to pressurise the general to surrender. I didn't want to say this over the comm as they might intercept it... what do you think?

*the vorlons in their anger send an energy surge through the inferior vogon circuitry causing all their lights to blow, and their emergency lights, and their emergency emergency lights. water pipes all over their ships begin to melt and burst spraying the crews with ultra hot steam. killing and maiming all vogons. the vogon fleet is surely done for now as its crews whimper and whine.*

i just burnt them all! but give it a try anyway, you never know.

creachy

*the water loving vogons of the intensely hot volcano planet of vogonia four scream with delight, then distruibute the glowing very safely contained vogons about the ship providing light*

(comm: Am interested. What is price for three tons of cake?)

ok, werekitty. if you can manage it i want their commander. he has to spend a few weeks in the guardhouse. then i want their fleet to, well, quite frankly, bugger off.

(comm: Request leader and dispersal of vogon fleet)

comm: unnacceptable. Open mutiny is too hard for vogons. Am will to put general in vulnerable position after delivery of cake which will be used as bait

sir?