h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*has gone ashen, and nearly drops her as the words sink in*

A bomb is set to go off in the atelier? Let me see that bible! There may be details ... And the other salonistas must be warned. Amy, do you have the dragonFLYbot here?

[Zero] Um, yeah. We gotta go. Should we teleport everyone to the Atelier?

[X] Dunno if my energy can handle it without some food first ...

*there is the sound of hooves and wheels crunching on the scree and gravel outside the church*

Whoa Bonnie! Whoa Clyde!

*Amos (for it is he) enters a few moments later, carrying a large basket*

Sorry I was away all this time. I had to get another wagon cos the coach was truly beat up and then of course Matina wouldn't let me leave without her fresh boo.. emboo... her greek apple things. And cold meats and so forth.

*sets the basket down on the altar and looks around* It was easy to find you. I just followed the trail of dead jello.

Whose is the brougham with the matched bay mares? A right fancy rig! I come back in the landau, it was the biggest carriage I got besides the coach, which ain't fit to travel.

*gaffaws*

Well Botters, I'd be delighted to stand in as your Best Jello ... errr Man .

We need a ring old chap ..... don't suppose you have one about you do you ? An emerald would be highly appropriate don't you think

*fishes the DFB from under a nearby pew and powers it up* takes off, does a few swooshes around the church and returns to hover near Lil's right ear*

I'm ready to go, Lil.

Lovely to see you safe and well, Amos.

My pockets were getting a bit low on food, not far off ships biscuit stage!

Amy, the most important thing is to warn the salonistas back in the atelier about the bomb. Here's my...

That's how they did it! Affi, Garius, the webjello gang took my CLI security ID when they abducted me! Remember, you've been upgrading the entrances to retinal scans, but there must be some area you didn't finish retrofitting from palmprints. The jellos must have palmed one of my palmprints to get in.

*turns back to Amy* The next thing will be to alert the CLI securibots. Garius or Afi will get you authorised to do that.

Do we know anything about this bomb? Is it on a timer, do you think, or will some event trigger it?

*looks at Garius for further advice*

Bomb not bombe?

Oh dear, shouldn't we get back asap and search?

*to Lucan-AMCJ* Emerald? You mean the Bottomley Emerald? Left that at home, dear old fellow, just brought this ring *gestures to the 6 carat diamond now on Floradora's left hand* to do the deed. Can't be traipsing about the Colonies with a 250 carat jewel in one's weskit, eh? All manner of impertinent natives about.

Oh look, there's pate and cucumber sandwiches.

*picks up the bible that the reverend had thrown down in his fit of pique, and reads*

"The detonation will destroy the Atelier unless we win our battle and disarm the device which has already been deployed, but then why bother unless they have a comfy sofa and a faster computer."

*turns page over*

"Jesse Jello has been sent to CLI with the fake palmprint and ID ring, to plant the bomb. It will go off in the event that the real owner of the palmprint enters the building."

Don't worry, Lil. We'll have all of this sorted out before Amos gets you back to the Atelier.

*has a think about where she was the last time she pressed the Orange Button*

I'm just going to translate straight back into the Atelier. I'll be back soon!

*presses the Orange Button and disappears*

*reappears*

I'm back . There weren't many people about at the Atelier but I set off the alarms so latecomers will check the tapes.

What next?

[Zero] Next I think X and I ought to leave and send one of those converted Metools of Yar's instead, because between these guys we've got here and MORE Salonistas, the odds that we /won't/ get lost in the backlog are ... well, not bloody likely.

Are you calling the salonistas... verbose?

*Carmel took a fortunate bounce and instead of lying in a puddle came to rest on a reletively dry spot instead. Thus she has only been splashed rather than soaked, sparing her from invasive surgery (to replace improperly dried stuffing) or...worse. She's busied herself with fluff drying her coat as best she can, and leaving everything else to the others as they seem to be coping well. But something has attracted her attention and she finds it quite troubling.*

Excuse me, Mister Sir Lucan-Called-Jello, Sir, I hate to be a bother, truly I do, but I couldn't help noticing that you asked for an emerald. Now, I really, really, really don't like to think the worst of people, even you, but there are two distressing things about this request. Firstly, there is absolutely no good reason why you would need an emerald when you have a perfectly splendid diamond ring. Secondly, it seems that everyone we have met on this adventure who has expressed an interest in green gems has just had terrible intentions. So I was hoping you might explain yourself, please, if it's not too much trouble.

*looks down and twirls mustache*

Well I never - a speaking cuniculus. Remarkable !

Merely a wry comment my dear, a mere throwaway meant to tittilate and amuse. Twas a little frippery - nothing to be concerned about at all. Really

*gives the Earl a suspicious look*

*remembers that in another life she knew somone who was one of the first on the scene of a rather unpleasant incident*


Hmmmmm............

Gaagh No!, The Hindoos have come for the diamond!!
*Munchkin sits bolt upright, finally awake*
Oh my, what a terrible dream, that Mr Wilkie Collins really does get inside my head.
*Peers around the church* Well, seems to be quieter now, and I must say, that is a fine waistcoat you have there sir. Saville Row?

*Affy has been listening to the entire conversation*

I can head back to the Atelier pretty quickly to help with the location and disarming of the bomb.

*Points to his ever-present wrist-watch*

While I've not used this thing for....gosh, it's been a while. I think I was still a regular at Joanna's the last time I used it....anyway, this thing's got some presets under the teleportation setting. I can get back to the CLI lobby, put a bomb squad together from some of the securibots, and begin the search.

Might not be easy. There're so many explosives in the Crater that I'm surprised we haven't accidentally blown up Earth yet, you know. I mean, some of those things are set to randomizers that could literally cause them to go off any time, and they're in such close proximity to the others that it could start a chain reaction that would....

*Notices a few nervous stares*

Oh, never mind about that. I'm sure the bomb should be easy to find.