h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the whispering sound of an arrow comes out of nowhere and embeds itself in the saddle tree of Caerwyn's horse. It reverberates and goes twaaaaannnggg for a little while. It has distinctive Apachello markings on the shaft and feathers*

*Looks in horror at the arrow. Looks at the direction that the arrow shaft is pointing.*

Looks like they're behind us, folks, and we're still pretty exposed here. I suggest we get around the other side of mesa.

*Kicks his horse into a gallop and takes off down the east side of the mesa.*

Come on, folks!

*Looks momentarily annoyed as the arrow hits the saddle. Distinctly remembers telling the war band not to fire until he signals. Shrugs philosophically, knowing the cat is out of the bag, and thumps his spear 3 times on the ground, signaling the attack.*

*With a whoop Running Jello urges his Apaloosa mare 'Bearpaw' over the ridgeline and down onto the Posse. He is determined to avenge the death of his friend Two Jello's*

*Follows Running Jello.*

Whoop! whoop! Ai! Ai! Ai!

*Swings his tommahawk over his head*

*hunched over the back of his horse and screaming the blood curdling war cry of the Coyote Clan of the Apachello, Dances with Jello's erupts out of cover and thunders down towards the Posse*

*A very large indian on a very large horse lumbers over the ridge and tries to keep up with the band.*

Hey! Wait up, you guys!

*Nocks an arrow while trying to hold onto the reins. Gets tangled up and falls farther behind.*

*a slightly incongruous English Thoroughbred gelding appears alongside Lightfoot Jello*

I say old boy - been on the fully loaded bison burgers again, what ! I believe it is good form to leave the triple thick shakes behind when attacking. Do try and keep up, there's a good chap.

*spurs his horse on towards the Posse. Draws his Webley revolver and shouts a blood curdling 'Tally Ho'*

*A green blur is seen flying from the southeast, trying to catch GL. Finally makes it and perches on his shoulder, flapping his wings every now and then to keep his balance as GL gallops along.*

Pierrot: Awwwwkkkkk! Indians behind!

GL: No kidding!

*The indian on the ridge looks on with approval. His war band is in full flight in pursuit of the evil posse who killed Indian Joe Two Jellos. The posse has a good lead, but the indian band is galloping hard. When the indian band reaches the fork, they all follow the east fork, behind the part of the posse they can still see.*

*Running Jello pulls slightly ahead of the tribe on 'Bearpaw' - he sits up in the saddle and looses an arrow at full draw towards the Posse*

*leaving Lightfoot behind he spots Pierrot*

Good Lord. I must have that for my Bally collection back at the manor. Would look a treat mounted between 'Woody Woodpecker' and 'Bambi's Mother'.

That arrow came a bit close!

*with one hand firmly looped in the reins, fires crossbow over shoulder, the rapid reloading cartridge ensures several bolts are shot.*

Anyone getting in the way of these little beauties will freeze solid than fracture apart into smithereens that melt under the heat of the sun

That treacherous Brit deserves to get it in spades!

*deftly dodges bolts, draws his horse bow and fires at Caerwynn and her companions*

Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ai

*'Bearpaw' the fleetest and smartest horse in the whole Apechello nation avoids the bolts in midstride without any command from his rider*

*Running Jello opens up a gap with his brothers and rapidly closes on the Posse*

*Continues to gallop like mad, looking over his shoulder. Doesn't dare try to shoot over his shoulder for fear of hitting another posse member.*

*not needing to urge Gandalf into gallop - this horse is smart*

*firing random fire arrows over shoulder, aiming high so as not to accidentally hit Sol*

*this makes it a bit tricky to figure out exact where and when the arrows will change their course and come zooming down*


*trying to figure out how to type her Balkan-style cry involving fluttering the tongue, ending with a Kurd-inspired shriek*

*Lets loose with the Apachello war cry*

Ai Ai Jello! Ai Ai Jello!

*The other indians take up the cry. The noise is spine-chilling.*

*shouting and blowing a hunting horn*

Tally Ai Jello Jello Ai Ai Ai What !

*taking a wider line than the other Jello's, the thorough-bred starts to get into his stride making a bee-line for Garius Lupus and his bird*

*Hangs on to Caer's waist with one hand while trying to take aim with the other.*

That 'tally ai' guy is just too surreal for words.

*Witty aims her nano-gun (boiling water setting) for his torso. Unaccustomed to riding on horseback, the shot goes off more towards the hunting horn.*