h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pats inside security pocket*

*dismounts horse, leads it to the coach where it should be safe*

*draws gun, cocks it*

*steps behind tree, leans out to watch billy*

*still giggling because the parrot nearly got himself skewered* flits from tree to tree, branch to branch to locate the lookouts*

*spots something green and wobbly* stops giggling* she dismounts and works her way to the end of the branch for a closer look*

*two lookout jellos are playing cards behind a bush*

[Zero goes right, followed by Lizzy. X goes left, followed by Odra.]

[X] [so low only Odra can hear him] First real fight I've had in a long time. I only hope Zero doesn't try something stupid and reckless ...

[Cut to Zero]

[Zero] [so low only Lizzy can hear him] Now, we have the first straight fight I've had in a while ... My only fear is that X doesn't pull the Weenie Maneuver and get too scared to fight ...

*there is a sharp ~crack~ somewhere in the woods as someone steps on a twig*

*Witty follows Caer and slides behind the next tree trunk. She pulls out her nano-gun and double checks the setting.*

*She hears the ~crack~ and comes to the conclusion she may be on the wrong side of the tree trunk.*

* A ~crack~ is heard from the opposite direction. It could be a stone thrown as a decoy, but it's impossible to tell.*

*A loud voice from inside the cabin*

OKAY, Y'ALL. JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND NO ONE GETS HURT. WE HAVE YOU ALL COVERED. YOU HAVE WHAT WE WANT AND WE HAVE WHAT YOU WANT. WE'LL JUST TAKE THIS NICE AND EAS...WHAT THE HECK?

*Sound of shuffling and flapping and cursing, followed closely by a window being thrown open and a very sooty parrot being ejected.*

AND KEEP YOUR PARROT OUT OF HERE!

*very quietly and calmly flips the switch on the VSBP. it begins to hum softly*

i think i'm ready whenever everyone else is. do you think they're really in there?

*the unmistakeable sound of a Colt handgun being cocked, echoes around the wood*

Pierrot: Awwwwwkkkkkkk, pair of jellos.

GL: Good work, Pierrot! Two shouldn't be much trouble.

Pierrot: Awwwwwkkkkkk, big monkeys all around.

GL: Oh.

*pushes Dandy forward a few steps to draw attention*

We need to see Miz Lil. No trade until she's set free. Pull back your monkeys, now, or we burn the manual.

*Another shout from the cabin:*

ONE OF YOU DROP ALL YOUR WEAPONS AND COME FORWARD WITH THE LOOT. DROP IT JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR, THEN GO BACK TO THE STAGECOACH. DON'T TRY ANY FUNNY STUFF OR YOU'LL SPROUT MORE HOLES THAN A PRAIRIE DOG TOWN.

DANG! WHUT DID YEH SAY? I COULDN'T HEAR FOR THE SHOUTIN'

*Hopes Carmel is safe inside the stagecoach.*

CALL OFF THE MONKEYS OR WE'LL BURN THE MANUAL!

SEE THAT BLOWTORCH?

*Muffled voices from inside the cabin. Then another shout.*

BURN THE MANUAL AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE LIL AGAIN. THE MONKEYS STAY BUT THEY'LL COME OUT IN THE OPEN. NOW DELIVER THE GOODS!

*A dozen or so Giant Apes break cover. Slightly. They completely surround the clearing and the posse.*

/* Grabs the electric hedge trimmer manual and takes a rock from his saddlebag (much to the horse's relief), and waves them about */

I'VE GOT THE MANUAL, BUT MY DOG CHEWED IT.

/* Edges closer to Caerwynn and her propane torch. */

DOES IT HAVE THE CODES TO GET PAST THE COMBIMATION DOOR LOCK ON LEVEL 2?

UM, ONE MINUTE. LET ME CHECK.

/* Looks at Billy and shrugs. Pretends to thumb through the manual. */