h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*slowly aims the VSBP at the manual in d'e's hand. flips the switch for tight stream flame*

no funny stuff, you hear? one false move and the manual is a crispy remnant!

* A quick movement is seen behind one of the windows *

THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE NO EMERALD! IT AIN'T SHINY! IT'S JUST AN OLE ROCK.

You want to see the real rock, we want to see Asteroid Lil. You can see part of the ransom, that's as far as we go till you let her go!

*ratchets his shotgun menacingly*

*Clyde kicks out at an ape who has moved close to the coach*

*suddenly tumbling to the situation* She ain't here! Dismount, keep hold of your horses, and take cover!

*Billy wheels Dandy and jumps so that he is between Bonnie and Clyde, who rears up in surprise* Fire at will!

*he lays his winchester across Clyde's back and fires at the nearest ape*

*muttering* they'll skin out but we can follow their track

*from high up in the treetops a carbine is shot and a single bullet ricochets off the ground infront of Billy the Kid*

THETS JUST A WARNIN' SHOT FOR YEW. IF'N YUD LIKE SUM MORE THEN YEW JUST LET ME KNOW BOY.

NOW JUST BE GOOD AND WE KIN WORK ALL THUS OUT SO PUT YUR GUN DOWN AND ACT REAL SLOW ..... OTHERWISE THIS TRIGGER FINGER OF MINE MIGHT JUS GET A LITTLE ITCHY.

*bites lip, looks at billy*

*holsters gun, sneaks up behind one of the gorillas. grabs gorilla, drags him down into the bushes*

*knocks gorilla unconscious*

*whispers* anyone want to go undercover? i make a mean gorilla suit...

*seeing the source of the carbine fire, Amos whips the double muzzle of his shotgun in that direction and pulls the trigger. The scattershot decimates the leaves in the top of the tree*

I'm coverin ya Billy! Those critters ought to know better than to shoot at my horses!!

*notices that the petite sea has just overpowered a gorilla and his jaw drops in amazement* How'd you do that??

*grins widely*

i've been well-trained. besides, gorillas have a lousy center of balance. surprise them, and they topple like dominoes.



what next, billy? amos?

*Carmel has been straining to get her shotgun cocked through this entire exchange, but nothing, including bouncing up and down on the cocking bar as if the gun were a pogo stick, has worked. The only result she has achieved is loosing the corks from the gun, which have rolled away and disappeared.*

Bother! Well, not mater. I have three pug dogs and I'm not afraid to use them!

*with judicious promises of cheese she gets her team into position and mounts BeeBee.* Now if I could just remember that command...Pugs Assemble!

*the dogs cock their heads and look at her funny*

No, that's not it...

*watches the top of the tree next to his position disappear in a hail of buckshot*

NOW THETS NOT PLAYIN' FUR AH TELL YEW AND IF'N YEW KEEP THET UP AH MAY JEST HAVE TO LET MA BOYS SHOW YEW THET WE MEAN BUZNESS .

*at the the sound of chest thumping and other Ape like sounds emanate from several places around the clearing. A hail of banana skins is thrown at Amos, Carmel, Billy and other members of the posse. A whole bunch lands on sea's head *

*knocked down by bananas*

owwwww...

*flinches as he hears the bullet sing past his head and then looks satisfied as bits of leaf rain down on the clearing*

*to sea* We gotta drive em back, these apes, can't let them pin us down. Our flank positions, Z and X and Mizzes Lizzy and Odradek, they can break up the enemy formation and put down covering fire so's we can storm the house...

*sees a movement up in another tree, aims, and fires the winchester again*

*draws gun, fires at nearest gorilla*

back! back i say!

*ties up unconscious gorilla at feet*

*fails to notice the Ape's mate behind her*

Ug Ug Ug !!!

*freezes*





*does a headfirst slide under the coach, comes out on the other side looking as though someone set her pants on fire*

*throws self behind rock to hide*

*wonders whether her and Z have been seen or not*

*ducks and shoots a green-glowing arrow at one monkey from between Gandalf's legs*

*rapidly reaches for another arrow and shoots it at next monkey before the first one has even reached it's target*

*when first arrow hits monkey small leaping green flames start spreading from the arrowhead, singeing the monkey's fur*

*switches on laser sight and s to next tree, keeping low and loosing two bolts as she goes*

*there is a loud crash as a gorilla falls from a tree and bites the dust*

Yay!

*from her position in a tree by the cottage she watches the gorillas for a while* moves to the thin spindly branches right at the top of the tree* lashes the dragonFLYbot to a twig and puts a paper bag over her head to await the planned mini-foop*

*Wakes up, stretches. Yawns politely. Place s*at on head and steps out of coach. Gets half way to nearest bush and suddenly stops. Gazes at apes, jelly ruffians and various part members in fighting positions.*
By Jove, I seem to have missed something.
*Strides back to the coach, picks up rifle, pokes it out of the window in the direction from which Sea came, spots the Ape chasing her.*
Ah, there's the blighter.
*Takes a shot*