h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Till we get a Steward, it's self service I'm afraid, just leave the money in tht till

Cheers.

Same to you Amy *pours a large vodka & vimto Can I get you another ?

*puts up sign reading: "BARMAN/BARMAID REQUIRED. Apply within."*

Okay, can I get you folks some drinks in my new position as the bar steward?

Vodka & Vimto all round please

Just yer common or garden for me....I`m drivin`.....the `orse `n cart

I'm driving - any chance of a Sasparilla?

*pops out to the Temperance Bar next door & comes back with a big bottle of Sasparilla for the Captain & real Dandelion & Burdock in a stone jar*

Here you are Bagpuss, ice & lemon I think for the Captain & I'll just have a vodka & ice in my Dandelion & Burdock

Okay a garden dandelion with vodka for Lurcher, with sasparilla and lemon for Captain Kebab and common burdock with ice for Granny.

How am I doing at the job so far?

Methinks you've been sampling the wares - which is not a bad idea. Not sure if the cocktails will take off though - we're a bit too down to earth for all that fancy stuff.

Shampullin t'waresh. What're you inshinuating?

I've never inshinuated - I don't have the equipment. I was thinking of suggesting that you serve cocktail umbrellas in t'sasparilla and t'Vimto - add a touch of class. You don't think that's too flashy, do you?

By the way - are you serving hot Vimtos? You can't whack a hot Vimto, especially if it's cold and wet out (which it's not, but as we're oop north it mostly will be).

A garden dandelion and vodka

Sounds, er different, Bagpuss, but, with due respect for your barkeeping skills, just an please.....always...just an

for Lurcher. Sorry, it's all these other folks confusing me with their fancy orders for hot vimto and suchlike.

Let's see, there's some parasols for use out in t'beer garden, but I don't reckon you'd get one of them in a glass.

*sorts out the other drinks*

You obviously haven't seen the size of my pot - I trust we can keep our own pot behind t'bar? I'm on t'sasparilla when I'm driving, but once t'car's parked it's for me.

*hands Captain Kebab a sasparilla with a faded parasol in it*

I reckon Del boy, has got a lot to answer for, with all these umbrellas, and foliage in drinks.
T`aint natural up `ere...not north of Watford it aint..

*decides not to put that yukka in Lurcher's next *

and you can keep the shrubbery away from mine as well young man! Just ice & lemon thank you. Oh and don't peel the lemon.