h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*cuts the string with his right scimitar and slashes the left one at Ralph's gut*

*blocks the scimitar, and kicks at the back of HDS's knee*

*As HDS falls forward from the knee kick he lashes out with his other foot, intent on sweeping Ralph's legs out from under him*

*swings his katana at HDS's leg*

*Kicks the blade away with his other foot and attempts the leg sweep again*

*does a own-handed cartwheel over HDS's leg and picks up the second katana. Leaps up and strikes a ready pose*

*goes from the leg sweep into a little spin that leaves HDS standing on his feet, facing Ralph with both scimitars ready. HDS fients a slash with his right scimitar then quickly performs an overhand chop with his left one, aimed at Ralph's neck*

*quickly blocks the blow*

*HDS swings the right blade at the blocking arm of Ralph while sliding the left into a slash aimed at his back*

*drops to the ground in a complicated squiggle motion that launches him to his feet the moment the blades have passed by overhead*

*Ralph knocks HDS down and ends up on top of him. HDS aims a punch at his face, with the handgaurd on his right scimitar in such a position that it will hit Ralph's face instead of HDS's actual fist*

in case the above is unclear, you are on top of me

*rolls of HDS and swings at HDS's arm as it shoots past his face*

*As Ralph rolls, HDS's arm tracks after him and flops to the ground, but not before getting nicked on the back by Ralph's sword. HDS jumps to his feet with a yelp and swings both blades at Ralph*

*rolls aside yet again, then leaps to his feet*

*HDS stabs both at Ralph*

*sweeps the scimitars to either side with the katanas*

*With both blades pinned, HDS steps forward, and headbuts Ralph*

*dizzily wobbles backwards, then collets himself and kicks HDS in the groin*

*HDS gasps and takes a step back, doubled over. HDS puts his hands on his knees and takes a couple of deep breaths, calming himself, then decides that's a bad idea, and punches Ralph in the gut*

*folds over with a loud groan, then smashes HDS on the head with the hilt of his katana*