h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Who would dare challenge me to combat? I am issuing a challenge to any who are fearless and brave. But only one shall have the... honor... of fighting me. Basically we'll just smack eachother around until one of us gives in. So come challenge me. The winner shall get this lovely apron that is so great, you have to brag about it to your friends. And for those of you with no friends, you'll have to make some just to brag.

I await you.
Goose

*A Figure dressed in blue pants, a blue T-shirt and a simple breastplate enters the arena. He is armed with a sword and shield. The sword is 4 foot, 6 inches in length, with a hand-and-a-half grip. An Evadian Longsword.*
I will challenge you! But beware, Goose, for this blade is forged of Evadian Steel, and has been enchanted. I am a sword kindred of the Dragonheart lineage of Evad, trained in the art of death. This blade will shatter lesser weapons and armour, should the blow be true. I warn you of this so you need not be disgraced by the loss of your weapon. Do you still desire a fight?

All righty then... Just be forewarned, I won't go easy on you!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

*Wargamer swings hard, Goose jump away, but the tip of Wargamer's sword clips his armour, ripping it open like tissue paper.*
I did warn you...
*Wargamer parries the next blow, ducking left to avoid a heavy downward swing. He spins around, and Locks swords with Goose.*
Just so I know, are we aiming to draw blood, or just to best each other?

Best eachother.
*pulls out a squeaky toy and throws it at Wargamer. Hits Wargamer in the forehead*
Hee hee!

Ooh! You'll pay for that!
*Brakes the lock and swings, slicing one of the rubber ducks in two.*
Hahahaha! Take that sqeaky demons!!!

*Cheers for the nice analogy*

Whooo!

*pauses with squeaky toy in hand.*
excuse me...
*turns and throws squeaky toy at Mystrunner. he falls over*
now for you...
*pulls out scythe, and swings it at Wargamer*

Owww...

*Spins and deflects the scythe. His blade rings loudly, but it deflected with the flat of the blade, to the scythe is undamaged. He backs away, parrying his opponent's skilled attacks. Whenever the blade-edge of Wargamer's sword hits the scythe, shards of metal ping off as the magic bound within rips the scythe apart piece by piece. After a dozen or so hits, there are three noticable nics in the blade.*
Haha! Is that the best you can do?
*Under his breath, so Goose can't hear* (I hope so, this isn't going well for me...)

*pulls out Barney plush toy and pulls its string. It begins singing the Barney song loudly*
Now you'll pay for damaging my scythe. I have built up an immunity to these kinds of things, because I am so insane. Now are you going to apologize, or will I have to make it worse?
*pulls out another Barney toy, and makes threatening moves towards its string.*
(to self) I wonder what's on TV tonite?

*Swings sword into defensive posture.*
Now let's not be too hasty... just put... down... the... Barney...

oh, you want me to put the Brney down? Then you will have to pay for a new scythe!

Hey! Are we dueling or discussing finance here!? I'll go sue someone and repay for damages afterwards, okay?

well... okay!

*throws Barney toy and it hugs Wargamer saying, "I love you... yada yada yada...*

Bring It On!

Ah! Aaaah! Get it off me!

*pulls out a pair of fireplace tongs and pulls Barney off Wargamer*

So, what is your next move?

This!
*Leaps into the air, and does a 'Bullet Time' just before his sword slices Goose's head off. Unfortunately, Goose is not affected, so walks around to a different angle for a better view. The blade comes down.*
Ha! Huh? Damn! That's the third time this week, and it's only Tuesday...

I think this is the right way to do that...

*does "bullet time" thing, and slowly kicks Wargamer in the stomach. Unfourtanetly, Goose doesn't land correctly, and falls to the ground, crushing a few ribs.*

(gasps)That wasn't... a good... idea!(gasp, gasp)

*slowly stands*

Okay... We've both made arses of ourselves, ripped off a movie, and used up the fight's special effects budget... this is gonna' be one looooong day.