h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Who durst challenge Sir DrunkenDeath, the most violent, drunk knight ever to come to the Castle Anthrax. I pledge by the sharpness of my blade, to truimph over any who so wish to try. You've got a good chance, I'm virtualy dead with alchoholism. You're best bet would be to keep out of my way and let me drink myself to death, but that would be churlish. I sayeth unto ye all, tho ne'r met one akin to me, and thou shalt not meet one again, so lay on! {all wepons other than magical wepons and those that are autonomus (ie animals that do their owner's bidding ect). The prefered weponry is a rapier and a dagger.}

Seems there aint as many fearless drunks around as there used to be...

Methinks not.

In that case, to arms!
*draws out rapier and dagger and staggers forward*

*draws swords and imitates his stagger*

en garde!

Thou mokest me, but thou shalt soon learn to curb thy tounge, aha!

*lunges to left flank*

*Sword snaps down, blocking. Steel rings. With his right, he brings his blade around toward his waist.*

I see you've done this before, you leave me with no choice

*stabs Mystrunner in the wrist with dagger and kicks him away*

sorry, disregard that last one, didn't realise you had too swords. I didn't stab you in the wrist, merely took the blade (caught it in the dagger before kicking you away.

*falls back and kicks up one leg, catching him in the hand, thus knocking his sword back into the air. In one smooth motion, he catches it and brings it around toward sir Drunkendeath's middle, gaurding his own with the other blade*

...

*Lunges taking the blade pointed at his middle with his sword and the other with his dagger held point down.*

*struggles locked in combat with Mystruner*

This is amazn, ae had so much to drink an it hasnay even aflicted me, I'm not in the least bit aflicted.

*With a heave, the two break contact*

You are indeed strong!

*Snaps his fingers. Fast jazz begins to play*

Better for fighting!

*Mystrunner glides forwards, gaurding.*

*Whilst keeping Mystrunners right hand blade to one side with dagger, ateempts an overarm strike with the rapier at his head*

*Mystrunner throws himself to the right, freeing his blade and then striking at Sir DrunkenDeath's left knee.*

*Right knee bends and DrunkenDeath turns towards Mystrunner as he jumps to the side, punching him in the jaw with the metal gaurd on his rapier so that Myst falls to the ground*

*drops daggar and clutches knee with left hand whilst keeping rapier pointed at Myst*

You'll pay for that, and It'll cost more than a bleeding lip...

(sorry ment left knee bends)

*Wipes the blood out of his eyes, and kicks Sir Drunkendeath in the hand holding the rapier. Rolling backwards, Mystrunner comes upright in time to see Sir Drunkendeath catch it out of the air.*

Back to even ground.

*hobbles forward*

*Makes a circular motion with the blade and mooves forward catching Mystrunner's right hand sword in a loop of metal in the guard. Makes a quarter turn to theleft whilst ovrlapping blade and pulls sword out of Mystrunner's hand*

*Mystrunner's blade falls fifteen feet behind Sir DrunkenDeath*

That is why rapiers are by far and away superior to normal swords, the gaurds are designed to trap your opponant's blade!

*Draws from behind his pack a short sword-breaker*

I assume you are familiar with these...

*Mystrunner drives a blow towards Sir Drunkendeath's shins*

Ruddy assasin's always got more weponry than brains...

*step-hobbles to one side and stabs Mystrunner in the arm weilding the sword breaker which has just missed him by inches*