h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's too late at night for this kind of thing! Can I sleep on it?

Can we afford for Affy to make a service call?

Are there any rock cakes left?

People can *always* afford my service calls. It's just a matter of how important it is, and how much can be afforded.

Most of the time I do this for getting quest objects....but I'm not really on a quest yet, so I don't know how that'll turn out.

Whether we can afford it depends on whether CLI accept Dungeons and Dragons gold coins as I have plenty of those... yes, there are loads of rock cakes.

Authentic gold, or fake gold?

Which do you prefer? I think I have both.

Real gold is always what I prefer when the quesstion of real or fake comes up.

It's not as exciting as, say, some of the artifacts in h2g2's various museums, but gold can be leveraged into artifacts with a little time and thought.

*Opens up a cunningly concealed safe, takes out a few small bags and starts looking in them.*

No, that's Altarian Dollars... no, that's Imperial Crowns, and bad forgeries at that... ah, here we are. How much is the fee?

About half that bag there for friendly, satisfying customer service.

And half of that for me to drop cryptic hints that may or may not help.

*Counts out a quarter of the bag's contents.*

I think I'll go for the cryptic hints, sounds rather fun.

*Greedily takes about half the gold from the bag and tosses it into his inventory...goodness knows where that is. He also begins a timer of some sort, set to decrement with the posts until his time is up for this tech support call*

Okay! First of all, the best clue that I can give is that this horribly infernal machine is not of my design. Much as I wish that were the case, it's simply the modified version of something that I found in some sort of crazy magic toyshop. As it turns out, the person who designed the toy for the toyshop was *also* taking the idea from someone else, though I imagine that tracking down the person that I got it from might be a bit simpler.

*Sqiunts blearily at the keypad*

I think I'll need another clue, Affy. I can't work this infernal thing out... maths never was my strong point.

The number can be formed by concatenating the same number with itself, and this number uses each one of the five digits at least once.

Are you SURE that you want cryptic hints? Might take a while.

Okay, okay... take the rest of the gold and open it...
Cryptic hints may be more fun but when you're recovering from The Lurgy it can get too much.

*Looks at the rest of the gold being offered*

Mmmm...I dunno....that only looks like enough for another cryptic hint session....

Tell ya what. Toss in one "Get out of trouble with the government for tampering in domains not meant for mortal minds to comprehend" card, and I'll tell you.

*pokes her head in the door, sees that the guys have everything under control, waves and wanders off again*

I'm afraid I haven't got a "Get out of trouble with the government for tampering in domains not meant for mortal minds to comprehend" card, but I do have a pair of "Escape the vengance of the angry mob when they storm the castle in which you have been playing God" card and the Dark Secrets Mortals Are Not Meant to Meddle With Illustrated Pocket Book (Ages 6 and up). Will those do?

Wait, you ARE the government, can't you just issue...nevermind.

Well....the card's alright, but I don't know about the book. I think I've got it, or its equivalent already....tell you what, toss in season tickets to the Rambling Misfits, and you've got a deal.

Well, yes, I *could* just order you to do it but I think it would be better if we're seen as a caring, sharing gubmint...

I haven't any Rambling Misfits tickets myself but I know a man who does. Phone this number (hands Affy a card) and tell him I sent you.