h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*strolls in from the 8th holding a gore encrusted Mashie Nibblick and a large grin*

I think we buried Scrotum in the flower beds didn't we? Well buried would be a bit of an exaggertaion - hoovered the bits up from the members lounge after the Valentines Day Ball.

*suddenly remembers*

Good Lord .... did we leave Apollo tied up to that pole what !

Good Heavens! *disentagles from wreckage*

You may well be right, old bean! No wonder we haven't seen the blighter in donkey's years, what!

That's rather a splendid prang there Inkers - worth taking a snap for the archive, what. I particularly liked the way the wings detached themselves and scythed down Fred Hog's prize flower beds.

Yes, and the tail end makes rather a nice weather vane for the hangar, don'tcherthink?

A little gaudy though - the 102 swastika's denoting the number of kills is a trifle vulgar

Ah yes...

Must have been Unkker's Spitfire then. How ironic that I should have crashed it into his sports car...

I think it would be a splendid gesture if we turned Unkkers sporty little number into a fitting tribute to him. Get Hog to fill it with earth and turn it into a memorial flower bed what ! Could spell out his name in geraniums ! He would have wanted it to go this way

He would also have wanted a giant placard with his face on, sporting the slogan "Join the Revolution", or some such nonsense, but it's not going to happen while I sit on the committee!

*drops golf club in horror*

Good Lord, he's not a - a - a - a ...... leftie is he ...... someone of the pink persuasion ...... here in THE CLUB !

*drops G n T in horror*

Pater would roll over in his grave if he new. We need to call a meeting of the Membership Committee at once !

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*looking at the remains of his G n T*

Anyone care to buy me a snorter ?

Redders, old chap, it's your round ...

*standing by the bar the pensive chin resting on palm in fact a vain attempt to keep a patently fake beard in place*
What ho! Mines a double old chap.

I'm afraid the service is on the slow side here, which tends to throw a pall on the pleasure of havin' broken into a chaps bastion, what? I always keep a bottle of Glen Wobble in my saddlebags, and the saddle bags i always keep nearby. Care for a spot? There you are.

Glen Wobble? GLEN blasted WOBBLE ????

IN HERE ??

*Mutters..Don`t know what the place is coming to..McLurchers finest available, and someone has the gall to bring some other pigswill in..Haaarrrrrumph......*

I'll have you know that I bought a round in '63 .... surely can't be my shout again, what. Never heard anything like it. Preposterous !

What's this talk about Glen Wobble then. Never heard of the stuff .... some pseudo-Scottish foreign muck no doubt !

What ever is the world coming to ..... Japanese whiskey in the gentlemes retreat, lefties and gels in the club, kites pranged all over the place, no one will buy a thirsty Chap a drink ...... bally Gypsy curse ...... must get the 8th hole exorcised ....

I resent that! I'm deeply offended! Challenging my whisky taste, are you? I'll have you know that Glen Wobble is a single malt from an island so foggy that the bog grows six feet each year, and that's how that whiskey tastes and only sixty six bottles a year (make it out of the distillery, and i got one, so

Well I can't say that I'm an expert meself old gel but Lurchers here is a renowned expert on account of him coming from the ancient McLurcher family of Distillery fame.

What say you Lurchers ! Shall we Wobble or not ?

Lets compromise on doin both what, there's a time for a wobble, and another for a lurch. *stagger*

*siddles up to Lady Lowena and leers*

I don't believe we've been introduced .... I say that's a splendid beard you have there !

To Wobble or not to Wobble...it`s down to that is it?
Well, I`ve not got where I am today by buryin` me `ed in the sand, but I`m damned if I`m bein` seduced away from a proper malt by some cheap-jack brew distilled in a bog. It`s not on, not on at all!!

Anyway, 60 bottles a year, that`d last about a day and a half round here.

And talkin` about bogs, damned gels litterin` the place up...they`ll be wantin` their own khazi next, shouldn`t wonder!!!

Haaaaruuuuuuumph