h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I say chaps post 1001 - isn't that the stuff that Scrotum used to use to remove the embarassing stains off the billiard table....

'Doffs cap ~ poor old Scrotum



Bassers

Old Scrotum, doing wonders for the roses.

Roses on the Old Scrotum?
I had a bump on my old scrotum and went to see the MO about it. Dashed embarrassing it was too - his very charming good lady had been most obliging the night before - and it turned out to be nothing other than an ingrown hair!

I say.... Wrinklers seem to get about a bit - know what I mean - in the filly department.

Don't know if we should embrace the Chap in our club - or call him a cad!!

Hurruuummmppphhh



Bassers.

Not sure I approve of embracing chaps in the club Bassers. That kind of thing might be alright for those navy types...

I SAY! A Cad am I? The MO's charming lady helped me do the dishes after a little dinner party at my quarters! I'm shocked that you should come to the conclusion that there was something...going on between us at the time! Never!



That only happened many weeks later...

I wouldn't worry about it old boy. I think Bassers is just a tad jealous wot. The rumour goes he hasn't seen a filly, amongst other things, since we lost India.

Aahh! So the old raises it's head, wot!

*understanding glances exchanged*

P'raps I could fix him up with some game little gazelle or two...now where's my little book......it's got to be here somewhere!

A gazelle!

I'm sure nothing as exotic is necessary, old boy - as far as I've heard Bassers would be more at home with a little something from the farmyard as he would with one from the veldt...

A little less exotic? Oh! I know a widow over on the North side that rents rooms for chaps. She keeps good clean beds and she's always ready to give a 'helping hand' for a couple of quid when her beer money runs out! If yer catch her in a good mood a week before payday, she's a comfy companion for a twenty!
Any takers?

I say .... I think that might be old Fred Hog's better half that you're referring to old bean.

I believe you're mistaken, old chap, she lives... somewhere that I have absolutely no idea about!

That old motorcycle of mine - it weren't a Vincent, it was a Brough Superior, an SS100 as I recall. The WAAF/WREN or whatever had a crush on someone called Lawrence and rode off on it while I was relieving myself. I wonder whatever happended to the bike? I still owe fifty pounds to the bloke I bought it from!

I think, gentlemen, I must have been misunderstood. What I said was.... that last female to walk out with me, was pig ugly....

I don't think she'd been near a farmyard in all her life.

Huuurrrruuuummmmpppphhhh



Bassman

WAAF's / WREN's ..... we used to call em groundsheets old boy

*Guffaws loudly*

What? What? *splutter* I say, do tone down those guffaws there old boy, I was dreaming of dusky maidens hand rolling Laphroig there. It was getting quite jolly, wot.

I say Chaps - one and all....

Isn't it about time we started talking about the Chrissie function, or are we going to call a rain check after the debacle that was the Valentine's ball?



Bassers

Ahh, Chrissie now there was a fine filly. Had a fine line in bawdy songs after a couple of Bloody Marys.

Ah - Bloody Mary - remember her well....

Yer could all come down to my cottage in the Cape! Nothing like Chrissie in the sun, watching the whales in the sea off Sandy Bay. It's a nudie beach, yer know!

That's a bit harsh, wot. Calling the nudists whales.