h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So you know it by it's cover name.

I say, that must make you and your aunt part of the NGO Wing what!
But listen, mum's the word, eh? We're all jolly sound chaps here and I'm sure we all appreciate the secrecy of Her Majesty's Secret Service's operations, but walls have ears dontcherknow.

*harrumph*

'Nough said.
Where's that Sherry I never actually ordered?

*grumbles*

Its probably with my G'n'T that never arrived. Bad show with Scrotum what .... he's definately orf now, what !

Would have thought someone would have been along to clear up the mess by now....

He's beginning to leave a stain on the carpet, I'll have to sort things if nobody else will.

*Bassers trudges off to look for the yellow pages*

Ah, here it is....

*opens at a random page*

Moisture consultants - what the dickens are they - sounds disgusting....

*flicks further through the tome*

Underlay.... Ah Undertakers, see funeral directors.

*flicks to front of book*

Here we go, Funerals of Prestatyn - fast efficient service - what's this about wine glasses?

*dials*

Hello, yes, Bassman here, of The Chap's Club, yes that's right, he's been gone about a week now and is starting to make the place pong a bit. Tomorrow morning, yes that'll be fine - toodleoo.



Bassers

*a rough looking sort with a black hat and a van with a hastily scribbled "Funerals of Prestatyn" on the side appears at the Chaps Club enters and gazes at the slowly rotting corpse of Scrotum*

Well Oi be bugger'd that'd be that old sod Scro ..... I mean can I be of service Sirs ?

*holds hat to chest*

I think you can, dear fellow.

Just haul that corpse into your van, mop up the mess, de-odourise the place and get us in a good few round of drinks before you go, there's a good chap.

There might be a tip in it for you if you don't steal anything, what!
*guffaw*

Don't go giving him ideas, what. He'll be rummaging through Old Scrotum's pockets before you can say Siege of Gibraltar.

we dont want him getting any bolshey ideas, what?

*looks up from rummaging through Scrotums pockets*

Could you give me a hand with the deceased's arms please Sir.

*holds out an arm that has just been pulled out of it's socket*

*wakes in a fit of coughing and snorting*

What... what, what's this? Blasted alarm clock!! But wait now, didn't I tell you chums to wake me SPECIFICALLY on the 25th of April, and not a day later?!? Now the misses is going to be quite riled, with me missing our anniversary and what not!! I'm in for it now, to say the least...

Come on now old chap!!, where`s your sense of proportion, what!!
Here we have old Scrotum disintegrating, before our very eyes, and all you can do is rabbit on about missin` an anniversary!!!!
Hardly World war 111, is it?
I say, Fred, take care waftin` that arm about, it`s leakin`, and I paid good money for these shoes, doncherknow !!

I say Fred, don't you have a wheelbarrow or one of those other dashed clever labour saving devices you can use? If the smell gets any worse I will be forced to take a turn outside. Don't suppose anyone a stroll? Croquet perhaps, or nine holes?

Merchant Ivory Munchkin ?.... did I ever tell you about the time I downed a bull elephant with a pea and a rubber band ?....

Remind me not to win at cards against Scrotum, he might throw in his hand....

Gaffaaawwww Gaffaaawwww Gaffaaawwww Gaffaaawwww




Bassers

I wouldn't worry about Scrotum, Bassers old fruit - he looks 'armless enough...


Apologies all round fellows - had to be said, don'cha know!

~eek~ ~eek~ ~eek~ ~eek~

*Fred arrives with the large garden wheelbarrow and starts to shovel Scrotum into it*

I say Hog, do try not to traipse dirt in on your wheelbarrow. The carpet has had enough trouble with old Scrotum there decomposing on it.

I suppose he'll be wanting a *stiff* drink to get his *esprit de corpse* back, eh!
*nudge- nudge*

Eh! What!

*guffaw!*

And maybe a sandwich or two - brown bread of course <biggrin



Bassers

No digging him into the beds either, I think he deserves a little more respect than that.

Heaven only knows why though....

Hurrrruuuummmmppphhhh



Bassers