h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Come closer, I don't want them to overhear



*Puts one hand around Marten's shoulder and guides him to as eavesdrop-proof an area as possible*

*nervously*

Well Lorenzen, let us get this over and done with ~ what is on your mind, you seem to have an awful lot to say for thyself all of a sudden and you have outdone even yourself this time with Mr Head. Out with it, what dost tha` wish to say to me.

*Suddenly Martens feels a hard object pressed to his ribs. One look from Lorenzen tells him two things: first, that the object is the barrel of a pistol, and second that if he makes any sound louder than a whisper that pistol will go off*



Don't cry out, as long as you answer my questions you are safe. I'm with CART. Who sent you?

Talk, man! Don't think I'm afraid to pull the trigger just because there are others in the room. Your body will muffle the noise well enough I believe.

*Martens stiffens*

M-M-M-Mister Lorenzen, you have taken leave of your senses nothing to fear from me I am nought but a common seaman. I-I-I-I-I-I-I work for Captain Briggs as were us all. H-H-He employed me for the first time at the start of this voyage. W-W-W-What are you going to do with me.

You don't want to know what I'm going to do with you if you don't stop the charade. A Chainsaw isn't exactly common equipment for a seaman to have at hand in 1872. Now, either you tell me where *it* came from, or you tell me when *you* came from, with it.

I might warn you that Amelia Rangle recognized it as being standard CART issue, and thinks that I'm going to do you in for her. If I didn't think you were of more value alive I'd be happy to, but not because some chump from the WTCU asked me to.

She thinks I'm on her side for now, and if you want to surrvive you'd better quickly make *me* absolutely *postivite* that you're on *my* side.

Y-Y-Y-Y-You don`t understand Lorenzen, from what I`ve seen around here recently the chainsaw is perhaps the least peculiar of all the devilish devices being brandished by the crew. T-T-T-The chainsaw is a family heirloom that the Martens acquired when my Uncle was killed during a break-in. The device was left at the scene and came into my possession through inheritance. It is not really a weapon at all and when used as such it is most clumsy and inefficient.

I-I-I-I don`t know what CART is nor WCTU and I`m not on anyones side but my own ... I am nothing but a common seaman. You have nothing to fear from me .... I could be useful to you in some small way perhaps.

P-P-P-P-Please come to your senses. S-S-S-Someone is going to notice soon.

*looks around*

*Realizes what has happened, releases his grip on Martens and pulls the gun out of Martens's ribs. He actually laughs*

Your Uncle did not, by any chance, meet this unfortunate end in 1820, did he?

I sincerely apologize for my actions. I thought you were better aware of the orgins of that device than you are. Would you like to avenge your Uncle's death? The man who was behind it is onboard this very ship.

*Martens turns round to face Lorenzen*

If you would`st tell me more about my Uncle`s demise Lorenzen I would gladly accept your apology and say naught about what has transpired here. Let this be our secret. What say you ?

*Takes a good look at Martens, then stows his gun. Offers a handshake as a symbol of "truce".*

Shared secrets make fast friends. That chain-saw is standard issue of an organization known as CART, dedicated to the destruction of history as we know it. As far as I can gather, during a mission that had to do with information collection, CART operatives armed with devices like that broke into a home in 1820, killed the resident, and one agent left a chainsaw behind.

To the man who organized this operation your Uncle's death was nothing, a neccissary stepping stone on the way to greater power. He did not know your Uncle's name, nor did he care what happened to his family. He is a cold-blooded killer named Septiminus Goring, and I have reason to believe he, or one of his agents, is onboard this ship. He has disguised himself as one of the crew.

Amelia Rangle, our stowaway, and I saw your chainsaw and assumed that you were working in concert with the villain. We devised a plan whereby I would approach you, pretending to be a fellow agent of CART -- the only way I knew of convincing you of that was to act ruthless and hatefull. Sorry about your ribs, by the way. Do you require medical attention?

*takes proffered hand*

Lorenzen this is a lot to take in, but I gladly accept your offer of friendship and you have not hurt me more than some slight bruising - no more than might be chanced when going about my normal duties on board ship.

Pray tell me ... who do you and Dr Rangel suspect ? May we go to her and speak about this, I am eager to learn more.

Well, up til now we suspected that you were an underling of Goerings' simply because of your strange hardware. Now, however, that proves to be false. I now believe the man himself to be onboard this vessle, though probably in some crafty disguise. I cannot emphasize too much how cunning and evil this man is.

We will go see Dr. Rangle shortly, and possibly Mrs. Briggs as well. She knows something of Goering's purpose on board. Here is what I can tell you:

We are fairly certain that neither Richardson nor Cook Head is (or is working for) Goering. Captain Briggs is clear -- in fact, he seems to be the most normal person on board, which is why he shouldn't know of this. I know that a Captain has the right to know what goes on on board his vessle, but this matter may be too much for him to handle, and would jeapordize the saftey of the voayge. Mrs. Briggs says that Volkert and Goodschad are trustworthy. Though I am not inclined to base my search purely on Mrs. Briggs' ability to judge character I will go along with her until everyone else has been cleared.

As for Dr. Rangle and myself you are aware of our positions.

That takes care of all four seamen, the captain and his family, the First Mate, and the Cook. The castaway seems to be here for purposes of her own, but not involved in our buisness.

What do you know about Second Mate Gillings?

Have you forgotten this conversation? Or were you distracted by joining CHOPPERS, STATS, and fighting more Dog/Cat battles?

Yes badly distracted ... and now someone wants to fight me for the privilage of being badly dressed *tut-tut* . I have to do it all at home as my employer has a Neanderthal internet policy .... so no broadband and it`s slow. I spend a lot of time on here already ... wife is ignored, kids remain unfed, the dog lies by the door unwalked, bills are unpaid, the jobs pile up and the correspondance tray is full. But enough of pathetic excuses .. on with the action !

*Martens has visibly relaxed*

Lorenzen, my head is spinning from all this talk of strange societies and marvellous devices but I am grateful for your attempt to educate me in these matters. I understand not all of that which you have shared and am uncertain as to how I might be of assistance to you. You have access to such information and fabulous engines the like of which I have never seen or dreamt could exist. I think that I now know who to trust but this is much to take in all at once. I am inclined to think of Volkert and Goodschad favourably. Mr Head is ...... a litle strange, and I have not really been able to get to know the others well. The Captain I respect greatly but am saddened that he thinks so little of me, I have .. *pauses* .. not been at my best on this voyage. The castaway is a Witch and I trust her not.

As to mate Gillings he accused me unfairly of removing things from his seachest and has been trying to talk to me privately. What would you advise me to do.

*looks around nervously*

Are you not concerned about the call to Deck earlier ... do we still not have our duties to perform.

The dog remains unwalked? I'm going to have to blackmail you with that one

*pictures Alrecchino being pursued by the minions of the ACF:

"Hey! Don't chase me! Red Dog hasn't walked his OWN dog since a week from last tuesday!!!"

All hounds/etc turn and tear Red Dog to peices*



Aye, we have our duties. Wouldn't want the ship to sink while we were plotting and planning, now would we? As for Gillings, we need information. Let him talk to you, but I will be sure that you are not unwatched during the conversation.

*Lays hand on Martens' shoulder*

From this point on you need never feel alone.

I suppose we must go up on deck?

Yes lets, our absence will surely have been noticed by now.

*leaves Foc`sle for deck*

*leaves for deck*