h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't think he CAN follow Lorenzen.

And now I think I might have forgotten to reply to your big spell.

*goes to check*

Very good.

I have a couple of hours relief work at the Post Office, and expect I'll be back by about 3:30.

Realising that there are now a number of dead people looking into all the threads, I'm posting the decoded version of the Big Spell:

Uli's Great Spell

Wings of the Dove
Disguise my thoughts.
Make them seem
like empty plots.

Claws of the Dove,
Pull Raven out
And drag him up
for a proper bout

In the Spirit World
Where Ancestors rule.
And limit to me
His weapons cruel.

Tongue of the Dove,
Change my words
To language those here
Never heard.

Heart of the Dove,
Hear my spell:
If Raven takes
My body, tell

White Bear to take HIM!
Uli's form
a wordless bear
And then inform

The worthy mermen
Of my plight
Send them to Uli
bear and beflight

Them to Atlantis
With that bear
their prisoner.
And then repair

The bear to the priests!
Let them see
Their captive back
in Solit'ry

Confinement.
Thus is Evil trapped
Within his greed,
Without my craft.

The totem bear, meanwhile,
is stripped
of magic
and its meaning slipped

To Uli.
In others' hands a trap!
Decoyed by the mortal
To catch a sap.

Heart of the Dove
Who cannot kill
the Raven Force
Let Uli still

Live on as Shaman,
Spirit Good
Assisting still
Where Uli could.

Heart of the Stag!
Unite us now!
And rid the World
Of this evil crow!

I have finished.

Have you read Ursula LeGuin's Atuan trilogy? (they would be first-rate reading for Natalie!) I'm holding back from outright attack on YClept because (1) he can't be killed (2) As the central character learns in the trilogy, the greatest evil is one's own shadow self, and the only way to conquer it is to absorb it. Classic Jungian psychology, of course, but very much in line with what I've read about shamanistic practises.

The shaman, in trying to cure a sick person, rides into the spirit world and takes on the offending forces him or herself...

I haven't read that series, but it now moves up to the top of my must-read list

Your original plan was to trick Yclept into possessing your body. Are you still planning that? Your first spell seemed to make that impossible.

If the cargo hold blows, body takeovers are moot. I had to bind him, else the coward would flee!!

If his spell(s) weaken me too much he could slip the spell and take my body, if said body still exists.

Otherwise I dominate and absorb him, just as I would any other germs.