h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you are not playing Seaman Johan Lorenzen, then DON'T READ ANY MORE OF THIS THREAD!!!

"The Reich really will live forever."

SEAMAN JOHAN LORENZEN
AKA - Septiminus Goring, NAZI from the future

YOUR STORY -You were Adolf Hitler's advisor for occult affairs. Your's was a secret position (the general staff was composed of short sighted woodenheads who would not have understood) but you reported directly to the Fuhrer and thus wielded great power.

You had two missions; find some supernatural edge to ensure that the Reich would win the war and rule the world forever, and discover some way for the Fuhrer to be around forever to enjoy it.

On April 30, 1945, you succeeded at your second objective. You were working in deepest secrecy in a laboratory in the Florida Everglades (right under the American schweinhund's noses!). Deep in the swamp you had found a spring, and you isolated a compound in the water which, if taken daily in sufficient concentration, would completely eliminate the ageing process. You had found the Fountain of Youth.

Unfortunately, on that same day Hitler shot himself.

Fate; blind, stupid, unthinking fate; allowed the Reich to fall when it should have ruled the world. A travesty. Since then you have worked single-mindedly to correct this.

The first step came in 2061, when time travel first became practical. The second step came the following year, when CART stole the plans for the first time machine and built machines of their own.

CART sprang from your outrage at the weaklings in the UN who at first monopolised time travel. Adhering to the absurd principal of Absolute Time these imbeciles were doing nothing with the greatest tool in history (the greatest tool OF history!). With a time machine a man of strong will can tell fate to go to Hell! So you and a few wealthy and powerful associates founded CART. CART's mandate is simple - Why wait until tomorrow to change the world when you can do it yesterday?

Your success has been limited. Limited by bad luck, by intervention from the pathetic WCTU, and by the fact that no one is sure if you will actually remember if you change history. A few words whispered in the ear of John Wilkes Booth may have made a difference, but no one can prove it (though that particular operation is still claimed to be a success for propaganda purposes). [NB in one time-Iine JWB managed to assassinate US President Abraham Lincoln. JWB then disappeared under mysterious circumstances, and was never brought to trial].

Not that it matters to you. Each of CART's directors has their own agenda, and your first loyalty is to your mission, not to CART. You have dedicated your life to seeing that Nazi Germany wins World War II.

Three times you have tried to rescue the Fuhrer, but each time you have failed to reach the bunker in time. (Bad luck, simply bad luck. Absolute Time has nothing to do with it!) The third time you were prepared and though you failed to save Hitler you were able to save his brain. You have it in a cryogenic bubble and you take it with you everywhere (you are quite attached to it). Someday you hope to rebuild him.

You never did achieve your other objective as Hitler's occult advisor, that of giving Germany a supernatural edge over the rest of the world. You always believed that given enough time you could achieve this goal. You are about to prove that belief correct.

After years of research (over 160 years of research; or a lifetime or research; or three millennia of research, depending on how you look at it) you have concluded that the most powerful occult item ever created is the soulstone of Atlantis.

According to the lore this all powerful gem is entrusted to the High Priestess of Atlantis, an hereditary position. It was only a simple matter of a little genealogical research (and a some ransacked records offices and a murdered records clerk here and there - you did have to tell your men to restrain themselves when they left a chainsaw in 1820) to trace this family line. It comes to an end in 1872, with whatever happened on the Mary Celeste. Sarah Briggs and her tiny daughter Elizabeth will be the last of the White Priesthood of Atlantis.

So, masquerading as Johan Lorenzen (the real Lorenzen will eventually turn up as an unidentifiable body) you have joined those aboard the Mary Celeste on their little journey to oblivion.

Instinct tells you to just kill everyone and not care whether God sorts them out, but circumstances do not favour this direct course of action. For one thing, while you are a student of magic you are not a magician. It would be nice to coerce the Atlanteans into teaching you how to use the Soulstone. This would save some trial and error, and trial and error with magic is historically hazardous to your health. nUfortunately, you suspect that the people who destroyed the Atlantean Empire will not be sympathetic to the cause of Nazi Germany. Tread lightly here.

You have been secretly trying to win over little Lizzie Briggs. You have entertained the brat with sleight of hand and other small bits of magic, all of which she has quickly seen through. You have also dropped little hints about "real magic." So far the little snot nose has not reacted at all (she is either a young genius or is retarded). At three you doubt she has been told anything about Atlantis (though you never know) but she should be able to answer a simple question such as "Where does Mummy keep her amulet?" Lizzie seems to like you so you will press on here.

Another problem is the great potential for opposition. The lore states that the White Priesthood preached total non-violence. Pacifists destroyed a world conquering military power! Nonsense. You could meet resistance in the form of fell magics the like of which the world has not seen in 3000 years.

It is always nice to have some cannon fodder for such situations. You have given a large amount of gold to a crew of cut-throats and you've promised them an absurd amount of gold if they intercept the Mary Celeste and assist you with the annihilation of everyone aboard. The mongrels should have already rendezvoused with the Mary Celeste but it doesn't surprise you that they are late. There wasn't a single Aryan in the whole stinking lot (you think they are mostly Italians). Acting alone seems too much like fighting fair, always a risky prospect. For now you will try to be patient and continue to act covertly.

Another problem, the ancient writings on Atlantis come from Greek, Arab and other inferior and unreliable races. While providing much useful information there is one important detail you have been unable to learn. What does the soulstone look like?

Most sources say the soulstone is gilded, but some say the White Priest's ritual turned it black. It has been described as faceted, round, or having so many facets it appears round. The accounts of the Stone's appearance have a distinct lack of German precision, deplorable!

Now a further complication has landed on the deck of the Mary Celeste. The First Mate has found a woman hiding in the forecastle and everyone assumes she is a stowaway. Ha! You recognise her. Amelia T. Rangel, also known as "Bermuda" the WCTU's number one freelance troublemaker and the first name on CART's most wanted list. She may not recognise you, but you know her well. Her bumbling caused your carefully crafted plan to get the Holy Grail to collapse. Your people were able to eliminate one of her friends (possibly two) but Rangel escaped with the Grail and you regret losing her more than losing that idiotic cup.

Actually, her presence is not an immediate concern. WCTU intelligence is not particularly good and there is no way they can know of your plans. In the past none of Rangel's meddling has been the result of any planning on her part, she has always stumbled into the wrong place at the wrong time. The woman is a drunk and a fool, but she has the luck of the gods themselves. Admittedly, she is tough, and a quick and quiet assassination will be difficult.

Attack her and you'll most likely arouse the whole ship. Rangel bears watching, it wouldn't do for her to get lucky once again. But dealing with her can probably wait until you have achieved your objective. Besides, you would prefer to settle with Rangel when you have enough leisurely give her everything she deserves.

It is fitting that the ship is becalmed in this spot in the ocean. You have been here once before, a year ago (or 3000 years ago, depending on how you look at it). It was a fact finding mission, and Atlantis was still here then. You did not find the White Underground, but you were able to hear Yclept, the First Lord of the Black Court. Amazing speech, amazing man, a man you would have been proud to serve. You know of only one man more worthy to rule the world. A good thing Yclept is gone; there is room on this Earth for only one of his kind, and you already know you can manipulate Hitler.

Over 160 years of work (or a lifetime or millennia) ends soon. Whatever happened aboard the Mary Celeste is/was probably your work. And if not it doesn't matter, it cannot be worse than what you would do to these people.

GOALS AT A GLANCE - Find the Atlantean Soul Stone. Either return home with the Stone for further study, or take it directly to Nazi Germany. Kill all the witnesses. Discover if Atlantean magic can possibly restore the Fuhrer. Settle things with that damnable Bermuda Rangel, and do so in the most painful manner possible.

ROLE-PLAYING HINT - To advance your sinister plot you play the role of a simple seaman, though you hate every second of it and it shows (this compounded by the fact that even in the best of times you are a total crab). You have been working to restore the Third Reich for most of your very long and very evil life, and you are quite obsessed with your plans. However, you are not totally monomaniacal. You can be tempted to commit a few atrocities even if they don't advance your plans.

STATISTICALLY - You are very fit and strong, having not aged since you were in your prime in 1945. Should it come to that you are very good with sword and very, very good with a pistol (you represented Germany in modern pentathlon during the 1996 Olympics. You were disqualified and asked to leave Atlanta when your horse faulted and you shot it.

THE OTHER CHARACTERS

CAPTAIN BRIGGS -Your studious research has taught you enough to act competently as a common seaman, but you do not like the work. You Do Not Like The WORK! For 23 days you have worked like a dog for this man. You have controlled world leaders like puppets - being treated like a common seaman does not set well with you. When this is over Captain Briggs has the equivalent of 23 days of Hell coming to him.

FIRST MATE ALBERT RICHARDSON - The Captain's friend (i.e. pet). He will get his.

SECOND MATE DANE GILLING - Not so bad as the other two officers, in fact there's something about him, you can't put your finger on it but he strikes you as a devious b*****d under the skin. You like that. Him you'll let die quickly.

SARAH ELIZABETH BRIGGS -The Captain's wife, demure but cheerful hausfrau, and possessor of the most powerful item on Earth. And what does she do with this power? It is your duty to remove this foolish weak willed creature from the gene pool. Nothing that could be the Soulstone is in her jewellery box and an attempt to pick her pocket this afternoon revealed nothing on her person. So where is the Soulstone?

LIZZIE BRIGGS - Your covert efforts to win over this miserable rug-rat have resulted in her unemotional fascination. Has the brat no emotions at all? Clearly she knows more than the average three-year-old and seems interested in "magic". Press on here.

COOK ALBERT HEAD - Had the Captain not ordered him to serve something other than fish you would have thrown this cretin into the sea. You hate fish. You also hate Cook Head.

JOHAN VOLKERT AND JOHAN GOODSCHAD - Seamen of good standing, unflinchingly loyal to Captain Briggs. Also, Goodschad is very devoted to Lizzie Briggs. Nonentities, really, but they will have the gall to oppose you if they see you as a threat. Quietly eliminate them.

JOHAN MARTENS - The Mary Celeste's other seaman. A blithering idiot who sees sea-serpents under his bunk. You cannot believe this imbecile is actually German.

THE CASTAWAY - An Eskimo in a canoe? Not mentioned in any history, certainly. Interesting.

DR. AMELIA "BERMUDA" RANGEL - Your arch enemy. She could ruin everything, but if she is alerted she might be able to summon a WCTU Enforcement squad. Tread lightly, be subtle, and hope you get the chance to kill her slowly later.

ITEMS

PISTOL - Your old Luger, lovingly restored.

LOCK PICKS

STRANGE HIGH-TECH BOX - Your agoniser, a little tool that makes people's wills and spirits your toys. You don't leave home without it.

ITEMS NOT ON YOUR PERSON

STRANGE LOOKING GUN - Your H & K MP99, lOmm submachinegun. Loaded and with one extra magazine, 5 bursts each. In your sea chest in the forecastle.

CLEAR BUBBLE WITH ODD PINKISH-GREY OBJECT INSIDE - Your Fuhrer's brain. Also in your sea chest.
BO1TLE OF AMBER LIQUID - Concentrated extract of Fountain of Youth in a 40% alcohol solution, one month's supply. (You have already used one bottle, you left the empty on deck during Mate Gilling's watch to see if he would get in trouble)

SPECIAL ABILITIES

SLEIGHT OF HAND - A few simple tricks you learned while studying more serious magic. You can produce coins from behind children's ears, hide one item if you are searched, and pick people's pockets. Ask GL what you find.

PICK LOCKS - Useful for those rare occasions when you have enough patience not to simply smash the door down.

TORTURE - Everybody needs a hobby. You'll need GL to moderate your success at breaking the torturee's will.

ESCAPE - You simply leave and return to your own time. Time machines are big, rather like 1950 model computers. Your time machine is in three huge rooms at CART's secret base in Asuncion, Paraguay. You return by activating the Recall Circuit implanted behind your right ear. Note that time-jaunts are expensive and your fellow directors at CART will not be happy to send you back to 1872 if you return early. Reasoning, screaming, and shooting a few directors will probably only get you one extra trip.

Also read fact sheets 1 and 2 (but not 3)

I assume that the fact sheets you mention have not yet been posted?

I assume he's blonde with blue eyes, tall, muscular and incredibly handsome in a creepy kind of way?

Sorry - the fact sheets are in another article on my page. I should have told you.

Yes, his (your) appearance could be just as you describe. Or, it could be totally different, if you like. He could have dyed his hair and be wearing coloured contacts. But underneath, he is probably pure Aryan.

Well, I read factsheets 1 and 2 (but not 3), as you requested. The one on magic was interesting, but since you did not indicate "real" magic on my character sheet (you only mentioned slight of hand), does this mean that while my character understands these rules of magic, he does not have the power to actually perform any real spells?

The one on magic is supposed to be sheet 3. Oops, I'll have to check.

Yup. I goofed. You were supposed to read numbers 1 and 3, not 2. Sorry.

Ah well, you've seen the magic one. It doesn't give alot away, though, so it should be okay. Now go and read sheet 3.

I think I can pretend I don't know the information on that sheet. Oh well, I'll go read the one I was supposed to.

Question: Say I wanted to kill, for instance, UH's character. I've got my gun on me, but if I just type "*Lorenzen fires his gun at Seaman Goodschad*", everybody will know I did it. So how do I go about killing people discreetly in this game? Do I need to lure them into a private thread?

I think that is the way to do it - in a private thread. And the way you posted how you would do it ("fires gun at Goodschad") is the right way - I will then step in to let you know the outcome. If someone does get killed, there are a couple of standby characters that they could step into, so they wouldn't be completely out of the game.

All I know is that my character description lists some specific people I need to kill (almost everybody) and several others that I /want/ to kill (everybody else).

You know, there are things I'm tempted to mention in this thread... but then, it's not completely eavesdrop proof, is it?

By the way, I'm going on a hiking trip from the 12 - 14th of August, so I'll probably be offline from the 11 - 15th of August. In order to keep the game moving, stay in character, and explain my absence all at once, Babel-17 and I have hashed out a plan at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F37836?thread=131210&post=1186897#p1186897 Please read and comment.

Been there, done that

And I see you even got the T-Shirt.

GL, you have my permission to do whatever you need to to explain my absence, should the game begin between Saturday and Thursday. I don't mind a late start, as long as I'm involved.

Looks like Lil is back and all of the other parts are filled. Once Lil and Witty are ready, we can start.

Okay, first you should read any backlog in the "Announcements" thread.

After that, technically, you should just appear in the "on deck" thread (without reading backlog), since during your absence, your character was technically out cold in his bunk in the forecastle and wouldn't have heard or seen anything. Technically.

On the other hand, you couldn't help being away and you could have just as easily set it up so that your character remained on deck without saying anything during that time. So, I think it is okay to read the backlog in the "on deck" thread.