h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Quite so, and I've warned the Hula girls not to try and practice any kiss of life techniques either.

ah, we'll just have to make do with the french variety then

No - I only meant on the patient - they can practice what they like with you Sire


Anyway, the patient has had his surgery now and is due to come round soon. I'm sure he will be pleased with his new nose. The Cyrano de Bergerac resemblance has been replaced by a cheeky little number, with a hint of the aquiline.


Luckily for everyone on board I was able to reprogramme one of the bots to do the tricky surgical parts - a sort of plug and play procedure - very easy! Smoke and mirrors - lasers -


I'm sure we will hear his shouts of glee when he returns to consciousness.

*sits back and waits with patient anticipation - and a *

Drat!

I thought I'd promised the patient utmost secrecy! Look! We're infamous again!

Dr. I think he went into a coma.

You may be right Shagbark, but methinks he's just tired from his hectic lifestyle. Being a celebrity is very wearing. I think he's fine, just sleeping.

*wakes up in the waiting room, finds his empty and hobbles out*

Sven answers the phone -

'Invitation to a party in Cabin V -The Lighthouse Bar- did you say?'


*Straightens his hat in the mirror* *checks his mascara*




Hula girls! The doc says you're in charge!

*walks in and finds the hula girls eager to - er - accomodate*

Well, m'dear hullas... *clears throat loudly*

I say

*coughs*

JUST LEAVE THAT PIRATE ALONE FOR A MINUTE !

Anybody know where that doc is?

I have a slight - very very slight - nose problem and I'm looking for the doctor... or the complaints department

*sneezes but nobody notices*

*sellotapes glasses back on*

Aaah! Well done sir! Awake at last. I have to admit (even to myself) that I have done a damnable good job on your nose. It would seem that the anaesthetic has given you temporary amnesia, but...

.. I see that the remarks made whilst you were fast asleep indicate that your operation has been a complete success.


all round please Sven!!

Twas a nose, a king of a nose..... now is as a pimple 'pon my face!

*leaps onto table, clambers down to get sword and no longer has energy to get back onto table*

Who but who will defend thee maid.... maid ! No! Smitter of noses!

*carefully gets onto chair and ineffectively waves sword while giving very cold look*

Oh dear, seems to be a reaction to the painkillers - I think he was just involved in a nasty accident involving a keg of gunpowder, a and Cabin V.


<hands the patient a

It may not improve matters, but it may help dull your senses.

Turns on the "freemantled" state-of-the-art robot-surgeon station, "borrowed" from one of those Culture Starships - possibly the
'Experiencing A Significant Gravitas Shortfall'

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ships_(The_Culture)#Look_to_Windward

*walks in and finds a semi-bald eagle on a chair waving something whilst looking odd*

i say, when does the show begin?

You can watch if you like Captain - just don't twiddle with any of the settings. I'm taking the air up in The Nest if you care for a late night tonic?

?

*tries to remember why on chair*

She swiped my nose.... all of it... the lot.... before wot a lot I got.... but now...

*looses balance*

swiped....swiped..... not wiped you rogue

pirates have a tendency to do that. It's in the job description.

I can be snotty too you know

*clutches face*
although perhaps not quite to the previous extent