h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* disappears into the woodw*rk*

shagbark appears and sits down. he is asleep. He has walked here in his sleep

*captain takes his usual round, sees all is well and returns to the secret parts of his private quarters*

___

Dr Feelgood wakes up ( again) only to find Shagbark sleeping on the opposite side of the desk.


She takes his shoulders and pushes him quietly into the

She slips a bottle of pills into his pocket, along with instructions that read 'Take two tablets at bedtime, lock your cabin door and ask Pele to screech if he sees you wandering around in your nightgown. Wear a bouyancy aid at all times and a on your head'

She presses a few buttons and sends him back to The Nest.

.

shagbark wakes up and disappears into the woodwork

hm, it's getting mighty crowded in this here woodw*rk

Dr Feelgood notices small round holes in the woodwork
'the ship's barnacles must be very active? Woodworm?'

Reaches for can of DDT (Death,Destruction and Termination) and squirts it into a few holes. <....sounds of distant coughing from afar.>

*tiny voice from deep inside the woodw*rk: this is not doing me asthma any good*

'Whoops!'

hurriedly squirts inhaler down same holes + oxygen

...saunters off

*tiny voice whispers back "thank you"*

shagbark emerges from woodwork and shakes the DDT off his limbs onto the carpet. I guess I won't have to worry about termites this year . He leaves suite by door.

indeed. these pirate termites what we have here on board are fully capable of looking out for themselves

So true

Lanzababy returns to the Consulting Rooms to discover in some white powder on the floor

If only that ghost would slow down a bit, I might be able to do something for the poor spectre. Put a bit of body back into him - maybe even some colour to his lacklustre cheeks.

...at least the ship's rats seem to have stopped hallucinating, they kept me awake half the night with their screeching and thrashing about.

"met a pirate in Penzance who said Dr Feelgood was a wizz at plastic surgery"

*shuffles nervously, looking at feet, not that sure whether he said wizz or fizz really*


"are those s former patients?"

*stares a mess dripping from a hole in the wall*


"er, good at nose jobs he said" (or was it 'good at no jobs')


*Practise over, stunningly handsome man knocks at door*