h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[kA]

(Thinks... I wonder why ladies always close their eyes when they see me naked??? Are they overcome by my Majesty???)

Ah, my dear, I see you have been away for a few days. Nice to see your back!

Would you like to turn over and let me see your front??

*** Laughs so much at own joke, our regal jester rolls over and falls on floor. Regrettably, the aforementioned 'long' appendage hits floor first supporting, for a milli-second, the entire weight of our 'chunky' king. This causes him great pain. Very great pain. Unbearable pain. More pain than a man needs to bear in a lifetime.***

Ouch!!! (He screams)

This isn't going to work..
* while the beautiful queen still tries to dream of her knight on a white horse the softly extends ghostly fingers and rubs the queen's back... the queen's breathing gets somewhat louder now... and the ghostly fingers go on with their new mission: to boldly rub where no has rubbed before *

... shoulders, mr moderator.. shoulders! I'm not sure what you had in mind ...

[qG]
*enjoys the massage of her... shoulders. Yes, shoulders, what else? It's not her fault that they're so vast and wide-stretched*
*purrs*
*hears the crash*

*ignores*
*hears the scream>
*looks down on her husband*
What's up, do you need a ?
Or me?

welll.. the thing is.. us ghosts are never quite sure where shoulders start and where they end.. so .. you don't mind do you ??
(* continues to massage QGs impressive, soft, yet firm, ... shoulders *)

[kA]

**Tears streaming down cheeks**

Don't worry about me, dear Queen.

(He said bravely, very bravely. Incredibly bravely, as he begins to relise that aforementioned (twice) long appendage has got stuck in a knothole in the wooden floor planking. He wriggles. Matters are worsened. This is a difficult situation.)

I say, my love, you couldn't just... (Distracted by ghostly kneading) Look Ghost person, you're not making bread dough you know! Use some finesse, a lady needs ...

Aargh....(He bursts into tears as aforementioned (Three times) appendage shrinks suffieciently to come free, complete with very painful splinter.)

** a lady needs aargh..?? now what would our good king mean ??**
** and in the meantime her majesty the Queen seems to be out of breath **
** although she hasn't done any heavy work or excercise **

[qG]
"You couldn't just..." What?
*sigh*
*takes another deep breath and gets up*
*kneels down next to her husband*
Now I think I need a Gauloises. And you?
*looks down*
Gosh! What a mighty...
*examines the splinter*
Amazing...

* notices that qA's shoulders are still verrrry tense *
"you really should try and relax my dear.. "
* massages qA's .. shoulders with his steadily enlarging hands *
"it would be much easier of you could turn over love.. .. "

** note from Taliesin, the resident bard **
you may have noticed that our good has got his characters mixed up.. he is now rubbing the gorgeous and very undressed queen Guinevere's ... shoulders... (*yes moderator.. still shoulders that;s the thing with s you know.. they really take their time for it*) and he calls the queen -for some reason- qA...
now what goes on in a s mind we'll never know but... let's just wait and see if queen Guinevere will still notice this in her current state of ... mind?

[qG]
*turns around*
What's this susurrus?

ssshhhh.. no fear my Queen.. 't is but the wind rustling through the trees
* continues to massage those parts of the queen where the shoulderblades would be if she would not lay on her back *
* looks through his shoulders (yes.. ghosts can do that) to the king who is still doing things to ... his splinter??

[qG]
*looks at kA*
Doesn't this hurt?

.. I thought I was quite careful
besides fingers are natural soft.. something like washing powder commercials but on a somewhat ... more ... supernatural level?

[qG]

* continues to massage qG's (* several moderated body parts *)

* note from the moderator: this is just about the limit.. although fun to read the original just had to be skipped to protect our younger readers *

[gG]

and the best thing about ghosts: their hands can be soft, firm or just not there.. whatever .. and they can change shape as well look..

(* changes a hand to a shape a shape, then a ***** shape ( sorry.. didn't mean to do that) and back to hand *)

and.. no matter what storybooks tell.. s are not cold, clammy or dusty... they can radiate comfortable heat .. feel that ?

[qG]
*purrs*

and ... a hardly ever s ..

umps.. didn't mean to do that