h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We all have far too much stuff
Trinkets and papers and fluff
We all take some worth
Out of the earth
Until nothing is left but a puff

But what are we willing to do
To make sure that the Earth's OK too
Do we travel on trains
In spite of the pains
Or keep driving until we turn blue

Some think the agrarian life's best.
Of time, it has sure stood the test.
But farm children flee
from cursed monotony,
And their folks wince when drought is their guest.

When the H Two O runs out
It Must be a Pain - no doubt
To Farmers and their Herds
Who would Exchange Words
With other who had more than Nowt

In Oz if it's not drought, it's a flood
And the soil washes away as mud
Life on the land
Is rarely as planned
But for some it's a life of the blood

In Australia they have this Spread
Which they use in Marmite's Stead
Vegemite is its name
But its not quite the same
when its spread on some nice hot Bread

Marmite on Toast is Divine
With Honey its completely Sublime
With Cheese that is soft
It is eaten quite oft
and goes well with a nice glass of Wine

While Vegemite's sales still increase
Some say it looks like axle grease
It's an acquired taste
But not one to waste
On toast?? Yeah - I'll have a piece.

A CodPiece is useful to hide
Things that you keep inside
It keeps them all safe
From things that would chafe
And it also protects your pride

In cricket they all use a "box"
In ballet they stuff it with socks
But the basic design
Is to just blur the line
Of where it all starts and stops

If some athletes are having to scratch
What the rest of us can't even match
Then perhaps it is wise
Not to dwell on the size
Of the effort required for the batch

But the sprinters in their tight, tight pants
Merit more than a second glance
As they head for the line
The view is just fine
But it's not so much a run as a "dance"

Marmite on toast sure is great
To others it's a dreadable fate
But given a pot
I'd sure eat the lot
Until I'd eaten twice by own weight!

Oh Marmite! that's wonderful stuff
But wouldn't that much be too tough?
I'd hazard a guess
That it could be done, yes
But the roof of your mouth would look rough!

Marmite the king of all spreads
Is quite wonderful on toasted Bread
With Philly 'tis fine
But some draw the line
At Pate, Peanut Butter and Garlic Bread

(sorry for repetition...)

This obsession with goo thick and black
Makes me wonder, what's wrong with this pack?
While sometimes I'll eat
This (dubious) treat
The mania? That's something I lack!

Your Goo should be bright blue not black!
You'd best take your monitor back.
Or try twiddling its knobs,
Borrow some other slob's,
Or just give it a good hearty whack.

Do all that forsake Alabaster
Consider that GOO is the master?
The screen may look sweet,
And the imagery's neat,
But will it download any faster?

If faster loading is one of your aims
Go to preferences, get rid of the frames
But stick to the goo
Alabaster blinds you
Alabaster should be shot down in flames

This Nimda Virus Really Sucks
Its making me say lot of "F**k"s
The Bloody Author should be
Hung upside down from a Tree
And Fed only on Raw Sheep's B*ll*x

This Nimda Virus Really Sucks
Its making me say lot of "F**k"s
The Bloody Author should be
Hung upside down from a Tree
And Fed only on Raw Sheep's B*ll*x