h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not far from my house there's a bar,
but I've rarely been in there so far.
I don't drink much ,
not even on sale.
In my life, coffee's the star.

O for a nice cup of
Milk n two sugars'll do me
But I'm not being rude
If I say I want it brewed
And not something that tastes like gnat's pee!

Lemon in 's what I likes
And so strong I go
It must pack a kick
But milk makes me sick
You can keep it for the littler tikes

Said a cow to her calf "Stop your mucking
I don't think that you were looking
That's not my udder
You've got hold of another...
That's a bull -there's no milk where you're sucking"

The coffee my Mom makes is strong.
The effect lingers on for so long!
It's lasted a year,
but I'll not shed a tear,
'Cause it helps when I'm writing a song.

Inspiration from is new
It depends though what really moves you
A cup or a glass
Or a sweet sexy ar*e
It's the best things in life get you through

I'm not much of one for ,
But I don't mind the odd cup of .
But the thing that's real neat
is I like my sweet.
Not one lump, or two lumps, but Three!

I went out for last week
And got dishwater what a cheek!!
So I sent it back
And ordered - black
I don't care if they think I'm a freak.

A , or three, a day
Really keeps the away
The thing is, your Breath
Starts smelling like Death
Unless you suck mints or spray

I like that's rather exotic.
(I do draw the line at aquatic )
Some Swiss chocolate almond
Sends me to Loch Lomond,
And helps when I'm feeling robotic.

An ode to Ye Olde bean
Is needed but not often seen
This glorious brew
Of wonderous hue
Of beverages surely is queen

Along with that queen of Drinks
A King we must find Methinks
A shot of Tequila
Or something Similar
Would help iron out those kinks

I'll have a vodka, soda and lime
And a margharita or two would be fine
But if the truth will be told
I'll drink whatever is sold
Though it plays havoc with meter and rhyme

Work is the drinking man's curse,
and it never gets better, just worse.
It fills you with stress
till your health is a mess.
But less of a mess than this verse.

Tomorrow I start a new job
No more sitting round like a slob
I'll have to be nice
And turn up (once or twice)
And learn to just shut my big gob

Hope you won't be too busy to post.
This thread's harder to maintain than most.
It's almost all text.
What can I say next?
(It's time for a new piece of toast?)

I'll definitely find time for this place
Real Life is just not in the race
And unless I drop dead
I'll continue this thread
Touch wood for luck - just in case



I know what you mean - it IS slow
There aren't many who'll give it a go
There's you and there's me
And another 2 - maybe 3
Hey look!! That's two in a row!!!

The hard part of writing Limerick,
Is finding some rhymes that will stick.
Just make one mistake,
The tag you won't shake:
"Like two short wood planks he was thick!"

It gets easier as you write more
More fun and less of a chore
So keep coming back
You're on the right track
Limericks you'll come to adore

Did you hear of the Great Northern Meet?
Spring onions were brandished to greet
the great gang who went bowling
and drinking then rolling
back home, well those still on their feet.