h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I would not presume to mock
At anyone spieling their glock
It's a mysterious art
Which warms this old heart
Unfortunately mine's still in hock

The glockenspiel's really quite cute,
as played in Mozart's "Magic flute."
Most magical times
Were had by those chimes,
Though the longterm effect's in dispute.

It sounds like a beautiful bell
When played so wonderfully well
But when played by a Klutz
It drives me quite nuts
I really don't think it will sell

When Lionel Hampton's alone,
playing riffs on his great vibraphone,
the glock I forget.
Let's hear one more set!
That's really one heavenly tone.

My feet I will casually tap
To all music from hip-hop to rap
But my head starts a-mushin'
Hearing German percussion
'Cos my glockin' spellin' is crap!

I like almost all music too
But there's some that simply won't do
No techno for me
Or stuff that's too twee
And muzak just makes me go BOOOOOOOO!!

I'll contribute to this thread again
Just to see what will happen then
Will anyone come
To make the thread hum
Or is it just me and my pen?

Hmmm, yes its slowed down,
He says with a curiouse frown
But I'll pick it up
and the have a sup
'Cos soon I'm off into town

Do we suffer from scarceness of wit??
Or are they all scared just a bit
Maybe we should go
And let them all know
That lim'ricks are really a hit

'tis my first time here I'll Admit
So please do not call me a Twit
for my Rhymes, quite Ordin'ry
are really not that tawdry
very rarely mentioning T*t

These Limericks are not all that easy
My last ones scanning made me go queasy
As they are, the Rhymes
Seem to be just Fine
But the bits in between are quite cheezy

I left to do sonnets and haiku,
But that doesn't mean I don't like you .
This thread's germinative
For those folks creative
And blessed with a very fine IQ

Down in the basement I stand
Typing this rhyme, fairly bland
Instead of being home
I stand here and moan
Can't wait to get off this LAN!!

Down in the basement I stand
Typing this rhyme, fairly bland
Instead of being home
I stand here and moan
Can't wait to get off this LAN!!

It's hard work perfecting a rhyme.
A poem's a hard hill to climb.
The longer you plan,
the worse gets your LAN,
And further must dwindle your time.

But this sort of thing works the brain
And helps to keep you quite sane
It puts you though hell
But works each little grey cell
Even if the result is inane

If limericks improve the gray matter,
Why do I feel mad as a hatter?
My stuff I misplace,
There's a smudge on my face.
It's so hot here, it feels like a platter!

Madness?? It's quite normal here
There really is nothing to fear
The grey cells you're losing
Are more from abusing
Strong liquor - not limericks my dear

A is good for the Health
Though it may not be good for the wealth
It could make your Tummy
Feel kind of funny
And ruin your attempts at Stealth

Yet another forum that I'm perusing
Hs degenerated into talk about boozing
This place is obsessed
with and the rest
But that's OK cos its the same stuff I'm abusing