h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There are parts of the world you should know
Where those parts of the sheep that we throw
Are eaten with glea
for lunch, breakfast or tea
and then promptly brought up. It's just show.

It's a wonder what some people eat
Like marmite - some think it's a treat
Tripe, kidneys and brains
They all give me pains
And the Chinese eat cooked chickens' feet

To chew on the toes of a hen
is something avoided by men
who hark from the west
and are far from imprest
that 3 score can be bought for 5 Yen

I'm not surprised that chook's feet are cheap
ANY amount is too much for a heap
I can honestly say
That I never would pay
That's one dish I think you can keep


actually I have eaten chicken feet but I didn't pay for them - they were ok but not something that I would say that you must try

There are much better parts of a chicken
For gobbling, muching and licking
But there also are bits
That can give you the s***s
And your pants some uncomfortable sticking

::ew::

The Lake District is rather wet
In fact "Rain today"'s a safe bet
The hills are quite high
They reach up to the sky
But they haven't quite got there yet

From chickens to weather we'll switch
And we'll do it with nary a hitch
A subject quite safe
Guaranteed not to chafe
Followed by a report on the pitch

Your pitch is as flat as can be
and I think that the ref will agree
that your tone is askew
so what will you do
when you have to get up to high C

A Referee from Uzbekistan
Was considered a very hard man
When he pursed and he Blew
Nobody knew what to do
Cos the Pea flew out and slayed a Fan

[I'm sorry that that doesn't scan
I'm trying very hard to get a Tan
That last is not True
But what should I do
I'm just trying to avoid that ]

When Pastry type products are flying
It's true, please don't think that I'm lying,
to keep you head down
and lie close to the ground
Cos a in the face brings on ing

Please don't start a food fight
Cleaning up will take us all night
So, if s must fly
I'll sit quietly by
And then I'll just grab a bite

Pepper is a wonderful Spice
It'll make you sneeze in a trice
It tickles your Nose
and nobody knows
Quite What makes it taste so nice

So sprinkle the pepper around
Just be sure that it's finally ground
If on a lump you should bite
It'll give you a fright
And burn off your tongue, I have found

The same can be said for the Chilli
Whose name is nothing but silly
It's hotter than hot
and I mean alot
And it hurts when it gets on your ...















... tongue

Now chilies - I like them a lot
Especially when hotter than hot
But OH!! the next day ...
I really must say
It's the bum not the eyes that are shot

My Brother is of the persuasion
That curries and other things Asian
Are no fun at all
If they don't melt your gall
With a high-tempered spicy invasion

.... Did you know that Chilli is actually a South American word for winter (I think that's right - s'from Trivial Pursuit)..

A Pointless Pursuit is Trivial
Apart from making things convivial
To an occasional Laugh
Whilst played in the Bath
can be added the thrill of the Nuptial

To play Trivial Pursuit on the wedding night,
Could give some voyeurs a dreadful fright.
Expecting some hanky,
But not one bit of panky,
Just questions on things like the speed of light.

Physics, it's often been said,
Is brilliantly good for the head.
The teachers are them
who are creme de la creme
So why is the one I've got dead?

A zombie teacher from Abergaveny
Was fond of beating a girl called Jenny
At Scrabble and Cluedo
But what a to do though
When SHE won he'd call her "Smelly"