h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

All of this music has led me to thinking
As I sit here, beer vessels a-clinking
That it's better by far
If one's sat in a bar
To carry on merrily drinking!

"To Drink, Perchance to dream"
He said with more than a beam
Of a smile on his face
"Is sure no disgrace
And is a truly wonderous scheme."

I`ll drink to that, with a smile
(been doing just that for a while)
Be of good cheer
Consume lots of beer
And get paralytic in style!

I prefer a good cider to beer
But I'll try a few pints while I'm here
'cause you never can tell
what those publicans sell
till you've tasted them all without fear.

It depends on how I am feeling
As to whether the fuel for my reeling
Is cider or beer -
both condusive to cheer -
Sadly vodka is far too revealing.

A thing to remember you lot-all (ouch)
When taking it neat from the bottle.
We all enjoy drinking,
Don't drive when you're stinking,
Have 8 hours before hitting the throttle.

A guy I worked with was suspected of doing drugs. When the Police raided his room they found copious quantities of powder on the carpet. It turned out to be a clening product.

When he left we did the good old "Stitch up and dig the dirt" speech. In this case it was several Limmericks about his escapades, and the particular verse in mention went something like this.....


Somebody thought you did Crack,
Coz Columbian friends you don't lack.
How we laughed and we choked,
When the sniffer dog croaked,
It O.D.'d upon Shake and Vac!!

Only one thing to add to this cocktail
Now that we've covered Rock in Detail
and Drugs we have mentioned
To add to the Tension
I'll complete the trio with Sexual

The three go together, it`s the truth
(at least it was so in my youth)
For me, those times are past
as I`ve found now, at last
that one of the three is uncouth

AS Age Passes we start to gain Couth
Unlike wot it was in our Youth
We start to Drink Less
And modify our Dress
Or our Brains will start to Difuse!

Too late for my brain you will see,
Mine's barely in con-trol of me.
My fingers do slip,
When typing this quick,
I keep hitting the 2 not the 3.



Bassman

Oh speak for yourself Argon0
I'll never behave as I ought
To DISgracefully age is my aim
I hope that you are the same.
And may we never ever get caught!

Such philosophies I can relate to
as the years dwindle down to a precious few...(Sorry Frank!)
But despite my endeavour
it seems I could never
Achieve what I once had set out to do

Rabbie Burns was once heard to say
That the best plans can all go "aglae"
If you ask me I think
That he slipped with his ink
and he meant Algae - yay or nay?

For Alji it's a glass of white wine
Or a bottle of red will do fine
But as for the beer
I prefere to stay clear
I'll stick to the fruit of the vine

Alji

But surely the hop is a fruit,
Those little green balls are so cute.
See, drinkin's the game,
Where you pickle your brain,
And spill the odd pint down your suit.

Ah beer, the brew of the grain
In lands with less sun and more rain
The hop made it bitter
To deter the ale sipper
So I'll stick with the wine of the Seine

Alji

I partake of the fruit of the vine,
I find it is truely sublime.
When put to the test,
I say French is the best,
I prefer it to that of the Rhine.



Bassman

"In lands with less sun and more rain"???
You ain't been to Oz it is plain
Cold beer is our brew
But I'd like to tell you
We'll drink either hops, fruit or grain

'Tis right what you say
Never been down that way
Your tinnies are cold
And your wine is bold
What more can I say? G'day.

Alji