h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I say, do you mind, steady on!
I`ve blagged a few Nat-West`s my son
In and out quick
then off at a lick
And the Old Bill don`t know where you`ve gone

I don't think it's quite right to brag
of striped T-shirts and bags filled with Swag
and not just becuz'
of the risk of the fuzz
but you're mum, she is certain to nag

Oh dear, if only she could
Were she here,I`m certain she would
And I`m in no doubt
if she was about
I`d be upright and honest and good!

My mother has striven for years,
and it's often reduced her to tears,
to make me behave
and not act so depraved
But alas, I've lived up to her fears

In respect of post 238.





The Minister of BLACK

I'm sorry to spam it is said
It's my job as the Ministry's head
To warn the "Disciples"
Of folk when they trifles
With our word "BLACK" in any old thread



The Minister of BLACK

So 'Black' is your word - no shocks
To hear after all of your knocks,
My word is sublime,
Which I use all the time,
So to counter your 'Black', I shout "Socks"!

Great socks can really make you want to smile
they keep my toes and ankles warm a while.

To the Flying Ostrich known as Clive
Who's brain seems barely alive (sorry - )
You've settled for two
Which just won't do
In most limericks the lines number FIVE!

This rhyme of mine - it was crime
The other three, I'll add next time!
The lining rule I did not see
So please accept my apology
Is it Bail? Jail? or just a fine?

Justa fine, or so I'd declare
All the lines would appear to be there
It scans as it should
I knew that it would
I'll no longer fear or dispair

When the Limerick judge, up on high
Assesses our rhymes by and by
and asks if we can
understand scan
Who`ll tell him, will you or shall I?

If I try and get as many words in as is possible
do you think it might be far from improbable
that the gods will decree
that this limerick blasphee-
-mes and is quite frankly not just bad but deplorable

On a scale of one to a mill,
That effort rates a single figure still,
Poor's not the word,
For a rhyme so absurd
In fact it's made me quite ill!

Hey Clive, Good to see you round here
We'll treat your mistake with good cheer
As it's clear that you've tried
To improve - not to hide.
When I see you next, I'll buy the beer

There was a young man named Lurcher
Who decided that he would desert her
She begged and she pleaded
her requests went unheeded
Who knew how his actions would hur her?

(Ha!)

Well, except for the typos!

You probably think I`m a lout
I`m no angel, of that there`s no doubt
my only excuse
is, what`s the use
When we`re too far apart to make out!

Well done!

I'm so glad that the week's almost over
I'd much rather be out in the clover
But I've got one more day
til I am able to play
and until then I have to stay sober