h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ironically, as he said this, he was walking past one of those funhouse mirrors that causes your reflection to appear twice your normal height. Not that he noticed of course.

He was looking in the other direction. Which a pity for if he had seen the mirror he would have noticed another curious distorted image in the corner that almost looked like...like...
But he wasn't so he didn't.

Dirk had got bored with Ford so had walk off to get himself a Pizza, Ford went into the amusement arcade where(the one with the distorted mirror by the entrance) and notice there was a machine with a sign reading Space Invaders on it, hopeful that this may be some sort of device to contact a flying saucer, Ford went to investigate.

Ford was horrified to see that Space Invaders was actually a graphical re-enactment of the invasion of home planet, aeons ago, by hostile square aliens, who descended to the planet's surface very slowly, with an almost hypnotic side to side effect. "This is worse than Krikkit!" he cried.

Which was a strange thing for him to cry since he knew nothing of the Krikket wars due to his attention being distracted by Zaphod during Galactic history lessons at school.

......The Space Invaders program was part of a sub-routine that Deep Thought had put into place to help the Earth's Monkeys reach the prime state for the completion of the main program in 15 years time......

...but when the monkeys were sent out to space they, due to their vigorous training on Space Invaders, started blasting any satalites they saw and then went on to settle on a small planet on the edge of the solar system, later to be known as Rupert, before running out of Bananas and all Dying of Starvation.>

Meanwhile Ford was smartly banging his head on the Space Invaders game, curteously smashing it into fragments that would later be used by the Guggravunts (Misspelling?) as shelter from a small dog, before getting swallowed.

"OI" Shouted the arcade owner as Ford broke the arcade game into smaller fragments. "Aint it time you be headin' 'ome?"
Ford smirked. "Im trying to Baby, I'm tryin'" And he left the Arcade.

(sorry El_Ninio you seem to be writing this story on your own)

Ford was feeling very tired with such an eventful day so decided to find somewhere to stay, he noticed in a window of a shop sign for "Room To Let" so he went in to enquire. The shop sold Curios and Antiques, the shop owner whose name was Boris smiled knowingly as Ford entered.

Hi, said Boris. I'm Boris. Can I sell you this grotty wallet?

"No, not really" said Ford "I came in about the room for rent, but I have just notice you have a antique model of your solar system for sale, well it's rubbish, it's only showing nine planets when there should be eleven"

'You're mad' said Boris. 'Get out!'

Ford went on to explain to Boris that he was an out of work actor and needed somewhere to stay inbetween productions, now Boris who happen to be a amateur thespian warmed to this and led Ford to the upstairs flat. Ford could not help but notice the strange symbols on the walls as he went up the stairs

You might have noticed these strange symbols on the wall here, said Boris.

"Yes" said Ford, "I couldn't help it".

" I am a member of a secret sect" Boris explained "these are the signs of an ancient Galatic God we worship" Ford laugh to himself as he had reconized what this poor deluded fool and his sect had chosen to worship.

Like countless millions of others, he didn't believe the legends of the Great Green Arkleseisure, much less the prophecy of the coming of the great white handkerchief, yet here he was, on Earth, millions of miles away from the origins of those stories, and there was a bunch of fools ready to believe anything suggested to them. As he looked at Boris, he soon saw why...

Boris left Ford in his room and went off to a Lodge meeting where he was The Worshipful High Arkle. Ford lay down and tried to take stock of the last couple of days, despite his keen Betelgeusian senses, he seemed unaware of the other person in the room.

This arrangement suited the other person just fine, as he was pointing a very nasty looking gun at Ford