h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ahhhhhhhhh, HN!

How are we feeling today? No cravings for interplanetary war or an insane urge to kill me just beacause (after all) I am THE Doctor?

*Sees HN's tummy move a bit funny*

Ahhhh! Bless! I see junior is plunging you! Shall have to find out what sex it is........

i dont know what has happened these pills are supposed to protect me from this sort of thing


*looks and the tablets and realies they are nothing but sweetners*


oops

Ooops Indeed HN! My little babies of mayhem should be due sometime Monday.........I'll just go prep the slab for you

Muuhuuuwaaahhaaaaaa!

It's going to be a long weekend folks!

Hang on, if its the weekend then todays Friday....

PARRTTAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYy

*gets on the blow up phone to arrange a hot dog stand and some seating round the slab for the big day*

"Negotiates tv rights while out of his tree on Smirnoff and low fat, calles Rupert Murdoch an Aussie git and seriously damages his wealth!"

More vicar?

{Lost traveller, dusting himself off in a corner}

"By jove, is there life in the old bird yet?"

*Meanwhile, over on the slab our dear HN is in the throes of labour (Childbirth, not the party) when all of a sudden..........*

Good Girl HN! I am pleased to announce the arrival of Twins! Two healthy bouncing Dalek babys! What shall we call them?

*At the news, HN is off running Benny Hill stylee round the lab pursued by two little 1 foot high Daleks*

MUM EE!

MUM EEEEE! They chant in nuison, plungers waving wildly for the first feed

Do you know, I didnt even check the sexes!

WOOOOHOOOOO....Cut and ..... Print
..

Excellent!! very good everyone
did it in one take, marvellous...break for tea i think??

*waves at Doc...*


Doc daaarling.. you were fantastic...what a profile...we got that strong jawline beautifully... Maybe in the next scene we can lose the lab coat? perhaps.. ... rub in a bit of oil...swim shorts??? spray on a bit of fake tan?? sooooooper..

*toddles off, elbows and wrists bent at floppy false angle*

Nickerty.. you look devine... just move round to the right a bit.. excellent....

this is great.. great

*The two Baby Daleks spy the passing Aye Be and her enormous frontage and immediately set off after her, as they are VERY thirsty*

MUM EEEEEEEEEE!

MUM EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Shall we call them Luke and Leia, as the Farce is very strong in them.....

Did my eyes deceive me? Did I just see the ghost of Nurse Just Arrived appear before my eyes??

*Watches the two baby Daleks catch up to Aye Be and then latch on with their plungers for a good feed.........

Oh dear..........they caught her........

*swivels and jiggles and slides_________________towards the Doctor*

*husky voiced and purring*


Hello darling.. I have missed you!

Baby!

You are back from foreign parts at last! Bring me a souvenir? No Matter!
So much has gone on since you left, and my new crossbreed Dalek babies certainly seem to like their new mummy, the way they are hanging on there - brings a tear to my eye!

So now you are back - what evil fiendish homecoming can I lay on for you? I am all out of human sacrifices this week but I am sure I can find something to amuse us............the cupboard perhaps?

*husky voiced and purring*

Our cupboard survived? How sssssssoooooooooooooper darling

Oh yes, the cupboard survived - it was full of Tomato soup when the lab descended into the depths, but I think its all drained now.
WOuld you care to partake of its dubious delights? Its either that or a good old fashioned lunchtime Disco - we could put the Monster Mash on and build one together!!

*giggles*

OOhh Doctor

The memories of the .. Purrrrrfect!!

Right then!

*Sticks 10p in the mighty Wurlitzer Mad Lab juke box, selects E10 and the strains of Monster Mash blare out*

OK Nursey baby - shake that booty while I drag some spare parts up on the slab!

Yay!!



*swivel, jiggles and slides__________to the music*

"Stolls out of cellar with rucksack on back, head stuck in map of Pouter Mongolia, a hitch hiker's guide"

OK Doc, I've cleaned out Ug's cage, HN is having a lie down in cellar number 1, Petra Stingfellows in Cellar number 2 and Number 3 is ready for Aye Bee when the Dalek babies are off the plunger, the milk man knows to leave the usual full fat and a strawberyy yogurt every other dday, and I cancelled your order of Mad Acientist monthly, it's just a waste of money you never read the thing anyway, I should be back from Pouter Mongolia in a fortnight, soooooo.......

"Notices Nurse just arrived"

Oh hallo flower, am I interupting?