h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

oh well my apoligieth thur

*knockth you out, tieth you to the thlab and leaveth you there for thomeone to remember about you.*

normal thervice hath rethumed.

wonderful, and what may i have, i mean, have you got a catalogue?


chainsaws, rocket propelled teacup, explosive socks....



and accessories?

well I think the doctor liketh to rage on about his Peter thtringfellow changeth and pizza extenthionth though there is a lot of thcope and range for you when the doctor returnth.

TA DA!

Said Doctor is Back! New people eh? What can we "Do" for you?<evilgrin)

thur he wantth to thee the catalouge

*liftth up mouldy old badly bound bunch of paperth*

Yes dear old Sir Evil Twisted Assistant!

Show him the Catalogue and dont forget the clearance sale items we are having this month - 0% down, free delivery AND nothing to pay for FIVE years!

Eat your heart out, DFS!

Oh, just forgot. Hang on a mo!

*Looks round, grabs a large comedy stick of Dynamite, lights it and throws it in the Cupboard*


Fiiizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............

KA BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

*The Cupboard is blown to smithereens (which is right next door to Earls Court)*

THERE! Sorry Sweetpea!

*thowth the catalouge of the many and variouth itemth we have for the fuththy individual.*

was gonna ask the doctor if he wanted to join me in the cupboard but hey it in smitherens!
wud he like to join me in some other equally small space?

Dear sir,

I am writing to complain about the previous entry in this file about people frolicking in cupboards. I have never myself engaged in such fripperies and- MMMph mmmph get Off! *giggle*

*thneakth up behind hermionicky and bopth her on the head and tieth her too the thlab*

two volunteerth in one day doctor.

Hey, Hermionicky - Baby - welcome to my personal Lab of Madness!

We can do everything here and frequently do - except I have blown up the Cupboard now so there will be less of that!

What can I do with you then? New Head, Hmmm? Personality? Sex Change or just a makeover - we do it all here. Be your true self, free the beast within - either that or just go for the Lucky Dip and see what my Twisted assitant brings forth from the cellars........!

*bringth forth a thurprithe package from the cellerth*

ready you are marther

Why, Twisted Assistant! What a SPLENDIDLY evil selection you have brought forth!

You know what? It is about time that I gave you some artistic freedom M'boy. Today is your lucky day - see that normal person tied to the slab there?

Disfigure them to your own sweet design......Do as you wish........

*NJA is still in the cupboard with the Health Inspektor*


*husky voiced and purring*

Darrrrling.. you just keep still and I will just move that a little.... and then we can... Oh!!.. Who opened the door??

*Slams cupboard shut*


*Loud giggles ensue from the cupboard.. the Health Inspektor is almost histerical*

*tearth of joy down my face*

really marthter... thith ith more than any evil twithted aththithant could athk for...

*thtartth to work on the dithfiguration procethth*

*pullth random goodieth from the box*

hmmm, we have pythcoplathtic, the thame thing uthed on Micheal Jackthonth nothe to make it thhape changing *dumpth a huge glob on the face* then some peumatic enchancementth since if you have one utheful thing you might ath well add another *addth thome new thumbth, legth and armth* ahhhh then the piathta le rethithance... eththence of animal dna to bring out the beatht in people. Rat, bat, thloat, goat and ape and thnake.

*thtepth back*

ta da.

*wonders how many cupboards he is in simultaneously*



*giggle*

Begins to wonder the same thing!




*Grabs Jack tighter*


Mmmm....

hes not in my cupboard but he welcome to join me if only i cud get rid of this headache i appear to have been hit on the head

Not only hit on the head baby - check out Evil Twisted Assitants new creation!

M'boy - you are a GENIUS!