A Conversation for The Manifesto for the Campaign to rename Thursday, "Thing"
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Started conversation Dec 24, 2002
Sitting at work (entering my 6th hour...) with nothing to do, I began pondering my 2nd life here at h2g2. Me, being a proud member of the Thingites clan, began to daydream of my spork...oh, beautiful spork...Tis the symbol of all that is Thingite. Held proudly above the heads of all who are against what was known as Th***day! Should our spork not be treated with the utmost respect? PSHAA! I THINK SO! Here's my list of what I believe should be the spork rules of care.
1: Thine spork is proud--Display your spork away from other common silverware...Containing your spork with your other kitchen utensils will insult it's might and worth, and make it sad, and want to leave.
2: Thine spork is not for eating!--IF you by some horrid accident eat with your spork (God help us...) It must be washed IMMEDIATELY in a water-based mixture of hydrogen peroxide and Dial(tm) soap. (Joy(tm) is an adequate substitute, though it may make your spork blotchy and dry.)
3: Thine spork must not touch ground!--Your spork is a sacred thing...Darest we let it lay itself upon the very ground on which we place our FEET?! HEAVENS NO! Keep your spork safely elevated above the ground.
4: Sporks love Thing day!--Proudly display your spork on a) the mantle, b) a glass case, c) a small candle-lit shrine, or d) the hood of your car, to celebrate every Thing day. Now, you may be thinking, EVERY Thing day?! But thats...that's...every SEVEN DAYS! But is this not a small price to pay for being a prestigious member of the THINGITES?! Stop yer bellyachin'!!
5: Understand your spork's feelings, too.--If your spork's feeling down, depressed, or angered, tend to it's needs. Most sporks enjoy a nice backrub, shining, or foot massage to brighten their day.
Enjoy your spork! Hold it with pride!
Darth "I love my titanium spork" Zaphod
Spork Rules
Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. Posted Dec 24, 2002
use it to smite the heathens so that they too may know enlightenment. (is that taking enthusiatic zeal too far? 
)
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Posted Dec 24, 2002
"smite the heathens"
LOL
YES! SMITE!...the HEATHENS! Watch it, heathens...we're goin' a-smiting! (I'm not quite sure what smite means...)
DZ
Spork Rules
Shea the Sarcastic Posted Dec 24, 2002
I've got mine strapped to my thigh ... I think that gives it a suitable position of dignity. 
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Posted Dec 24, 2002
I suppose your thigh is a suitable place to hold your spork...Just don't offend it--we don't need any torked-off sporks...(ha..tork...spork...LOL.....
....ok, sorry.)
If anyone has any alterations and/or additions they'd like to make to the rule list, please, by all means, be my guest.
DZ
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 25, 2002
How about a 
blessing ritual before smiting? Like, Oh, Thing, blesseth this, Thy , with wich we shall smite the heathens, who having been naughty in Thy sight, shall snuff it?
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Posted Dec 25, 2002
hmmm...wonder where you got that?!
"First, thou shalt remove the pin...then, thou shalt count to three...no more, no less...three shall be the number counted, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four thou shalt not count, nor thou shalt count to two, unless thou art then proceeding to three. Five is right out. When three, being the number of the counting has been reached, then thou shalt lobest thy holy hand grenade towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."
Sure, sounds great!
DZ
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 28, 2002
Or we could paralize the enemy by saying "thing" at them!
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Posted Dec 28, 2002
oooh...I like that
wait...does this mean we're starting a Thingite army? By the sounds of things....
DZ
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 28, 2002
I thought we already had one...
Spork Rules
Darth Zaphod Posted Dec 28, 2002
do we? I wouldn't know I'm a rookie member *clutches spork posessively*
DZ
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 28, 2002
You'll learn soon enough me lad/lass/whatever/...(cross out what doesn't apply) that NOBODY EVER knows ANYTHING
Spork Rules
Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. Posted Dec 29, 2002
I have made it my life's work to compound my ignorence at every step.
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 29, 2002
I've decided that confusion is much more fun than ignorance.
Spork Rules
Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. Posted Dec 29, 2002
Ah - but which is worse? Ignorance or Apathy?
I don't know and I don't care 
Spork Rules
Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs Posted Dec 29, 2002
Quite right.
Spork Rules
The Gook, a.k.a. Sir Loin of Beef, the Master-at-Arms: Thingite Armoury, and his wolf Yoink. Posted Dec 30, 2002
I'm back! Again! How it warms my heart to see my spork turned into a smiley. I have some free time, though not at the moment. Have you seen it then? I'll be back posting tomorrow!
Spork Rules
Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. Posted Dec 30, 2002
THE GOOK! 
Key: Complain about this post
Spork Rules
- 1: Darth Zaphod (Dec 24, 2002)
- 2: Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. (Dec 24, 2002)
- 3: Darth Zaphod (Dec 24, 2002)
- 4: Shea the Sarcastic (Dec 24, 2002)
- 5: Darth Zaphod (Dec 24, 2002)
- 6: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 25, 2002)
- 7: Darth Zaphod (Dec 25, 2002)
- 8: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 28, 2002)
- 9: Darth Zaphod (Dec 28, 2002)
- 10: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 28, 2002)
- 11: Darth Zaphod (Dec 28, 2002)
- 12: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 28, 2002)
- 13: Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. (Dec 29, 2002)
- 14: Darth Zaphod (Dec 29, 2002)
- 15: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 29, 2002)
- 16: Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. (Dec 29, 2002)
- 17: Ralph the Wonder Llama and André the dodo; Excrement Occurs (Dec 29, 2002)
- 18: The Gook, a.k.a. Sir Loin of Beef, the Master-at-Arms: Thingite Armoury, and his wolf Yoink. (Dec 30, 2002)
- 19: Shea the Sarcastic (Dec 30, 2002)
- 20: Clive the flying ostrich: Amateur Polymath | Chief Heretic. (Dec 30, 2002)
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