h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*tut*

*Swims to shore out of the Custard Pie lake, ties a knot in D and looks over to H*

Ahhhh, yes my dear. The clock. With wires. Going very very fast. I think you will find that .....



KKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

*Bricks, mortar, dust and body parts settle......the Doc spits out a broken tooth*

As I was saying, I think you will find that the new clock is in fact a bomb, planted here by Evil Claw in a bid to erase all resistance and turn this thread into another shopping channel.

Thankfully - the plot is thwarted!

Was it cause i knew it wasnt a regular clock?

christ i didnt know i was this flexable and doc well done for stopping ecs plan

Yes my Children of Mayhem! The plot is thwarted and we stand on the brink of the new frontier for the Boardroom! No more will we tolerate sensible people, no more will we have to put up with sane politically correct postings!

From this day forth - a shining new Boardroom opens for business, and we - yes WE - shall be the honour guard blazing a trail of nonsense, mayhem, Truly Evile planning and lets not forget a bijou bit of plotting!

*A tear rolls down the Docs cheek as the Union Jack unfurls against a blood red sunrise and a flock of doves land on his head and have a crap*


TO Infamy - and Beyond!

Im not a child..
Im 16 dammit! I have to pay adult fare on the bus!!

Yes, but we are ALL children of the Universe, are we not?

*Snaps out of the metaphysical haze that momentarily engulfed him*

Now - start plotting!!!

and you wonder why i dont get the bus

I helped create the Earth thanks!

Hmm plotting...what kind of plotting? Evil? General?

I thought we could start with an old folk song first my dearios, so I'll tether my nadgers to a grouting pole for the old grey mare is grunging in the meadow. Well, better there than here - It makes so much work for the char. The song is about a fabled horse, the Somerset Nog - so called because it's a cross between a nag and a dog. Half Suffolk Punch and half Dachschund. It gets very foggy on the moors. Anyway, the Nog is a strange looking creature - three-hands high and eighteen-foot long. They're not pretty to look at - but the rhubarb in that part of the world be magnificent. My song tells of a man who wants to go to the great fair at Ganderpoke Bog - so he asks the farmer for a loan of the Nog, so he can take all his friends with him, and it proceeds in this fashion:

Reg Pubes, Reg Pubes
Lend me your great Nog,
Rollock me fussett
And griddle me nodes.
For I want to go-o
To Ganderpoke Bog, with-
Len Possett, Tim Screevy,
The Reverend Phipps, Peg Leg Loombucket,
Solly Levy, Ginger Epstein,
Able Seaman Truefitt,
Scotch Lil,
Messrs. Cattermole, Mousehabit,
Neapthigh and Trusspot, solicitors
And Commissioners for Oaths,
Father Thunderghast, Fat Alice,
Con Mahoney, Yeti Rosencrantz,
Foo Tong Robinson and Uncle Ted Willis an' all
And Uncle Ted Willis and all.

Rambling Syd: So they all get on - except Fat Alice, who don't get on with anybody, and off they go, but sad to relate - the horse snaps in two and expires - but they do say as how its ghost walks abroad - in two halves, and if you be passing Ganderpoke Bog at midnight they say you can hear the two ghostly halves of the Nog singing in duet:

Reg Pubes, Reg Pubes
You lent your great Nog -
Rollock me fussett and grindle me nodes.
And now my remains are in
Ganderpoke Bog - with...
Len Possett, Tim Screevy,
The Reverend Phipps, Peg Leg Loombucket,
Solly Levy, Ginger Epstein,
Able Seaman Truefitt,
Scotch Lil,
Messrs. Cattermole, Mousehabit,
Neapthigh and Trusspot, solicitors
And Commissioners for Oaths,
Father Thunderghast, Fat Alice,
Con Mahoney, Yeti Rosencrantz,
Foo Tong Robinson and Uncle Ted Willis an' all
And Uncle Ted Willis and all.

what the hell

F--- me that was confusing!

Why are men so confusing Steph wonders?!

steph i intend to

You have to wait 3 weeks yet Mister!

thank god im patient

Right then! Familiar with the song "Green grow the Rushes o?"

Try singing this to that tune then............

(To the tune of 'Green Grow The Rushes O')

The Doc:
I'll sing you one oh,
Green grow my nadgers oh!

Chorus - Horatio and D:
What is your one-oh?

The Doc:
One's the grunge upon my splod
Masking my cordwangle.

I'll sing you two-oh!
Green grow my nadgers oh.

Chorus - Horatio and D:
What is your two-oh?

The Doc:
Two are my looming thrums -
See how they jangle,
One's the grunge upon my splod
Masking my cordwangle.

I'll sing you three-oh!
Green grow my nadgers oh.

Chorus - Horatio and D:
What is your three-oh?

The Doc:
Three are the times
I've lunged my groats,
Two are my looming thrums -
See how they jangle,
One's the grunge upon my splod
Masking my cordwangle.

I'll sing you four-oh!
Green grow my nadgers oh.

Chorus - Horatio and D:
What are your four-oh?

The Doc:
Four for my whirdlers bent - oh,
Three are the times I've lunged my groats,
Two are my looming thrums -
See how they jangle,
One's the grunge upon my splod
Masking my cordwangle.

I'll sing you five-oh!
Green grow my nadgers oh.

Chorus - Horatio and D:
What are your five-oh?

The Doc:
Five are the wogglers
Up my spong,
Four for my whirdlers bent - oh,
Three are the times
I've lunged my groats,
Two are my looming thrums -
See how they jangle
One's the grunge upon my splod -
It's ruined my cordwangle!

nope but hey

Obviously no Singing corner in your school was there?

You are getting very unpatient tho..lol

Doc, what the hell is with your songs?