h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a whispery faint voice is heard*

I'm dead. I can't talk. Duh.

then why are you still talking and why did you leave a blank post surely if your dead u cant leave a post

*wonders why no one has remember that cats have nine lives*

dammn u taste ruin my fun

...*wonders why anyone hasn't realized that SuperMoo "liberated"/"Brought Democracy to" EvilClaw's wallet long ago...*

hmm was there anything in it ?

...it voted to give me all the money and not get shot...

suppose thats fair

yes I made them the Democratic Republic of EvilClaw's Wallet...(anything called a Democratic Republic is essentially a socialist government)

*glances at body and wonders about title*
BGNW was right. you guys never clean up in here.


andit's the one on the left ya gotta worry about...

Do not damn me, Dakeyras, for pointing out the obvious.

I didn't post. My spirit is being inexoricably pulled where it belongs and my nine lives were used up long ago. I've been living off of the Life Insurance companies fear of having to give me money. But now: the blessed relief of being shuffled off the mortal coil. Oh and the only reason you can hear me is that you can't. You're all insane. I'm dead and i ain't coming back. Unless, someone knows dark magic but hey i'm just a figment so don't listen to me

*pool of blood around EvilClaw's body*

I know death magic...but that won't do much good against someone who is dead...and I don't mean undead...just plain dead...

*a voice* Don't bother... i'm finally ... free... free of EvilClaw...

*pulls out the Satanic Bible*

*reads for a long long time*


















*still reading*


















AH-HA!! I found it!!

*performs complicated ritual to being EC's soul back into his body*

*successfully revives EC*

IF I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH THIS LIFE, SO DO YOU, IT ALL!!

...I got something better though...
*dumps a large tub of S.A.L.T.S. on the body...reviving EvilClaw*

*unsuccessfully revives EvilClaw* *body is healed but spirit is not in it* *body is mindless zombie...not that differnet than usual *

Don't work sorry. Only those with *Insert sacred/satanic artifact here* can revive me.

Oh...

*pulls out Satanic ancestor's skull filled with the blood of virgins*

*does ritual again*