h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[And just for good measure, Y4C is with them]

[Y4C] All right. Get ready to have some adventurer-kebab!

[The Geckoes look at him in bemusement]

[Y4C] ... Whatever. I'm leaving it to you.


So in addition to having the Gecko Warriors to beat back, you must now also defeat Y4C.

*GL watches carefully as a slicestar moves back and forth across the passage where he and Affy need to go to get to the exit. Behind him, Affy faces the Geckos and Y4K. At a precisely timed moment, GL steps unscathed beyond the slicestar and whirls around. Now facing the Geckos and Y4K, GL looses off shots from his Neural Stunner at all 3. He again watches the slicestar and at the exactly correct moment, says "Now!". Affy takes two steps back, placing himself beyond the slicestar. The slicestar now has GL and Affy on one side and their 3 assailants on the other. GL and Affy back up, firing as they go. Most shots hit the slicestar and are absorbed. A few make it through, but generally miss the 3 on the other side. Virtually none of the shots from the Geckos or Y4K make it past the slicestar.

One of the Geckos tries to pass the slicestar, but mistimes it slightly and is sliced to bits. The other Gecko impulsively tries to help his fellow warrior and is also sliced to bits.*


The slicestar is a crystalline being with razor-sharp points. They generally move back and forth (or up and down) across passageways. Any contact with them results in being sliced and diced. To get past them, you must time your dash very very carefully. They are unaffected by any known weapon or device, including light sabres.

* the Penguin tries to climb a promising-looking pole, but slides back down it because his flippers are wet *

Penguin: This doth not be good.

GL, it was Y4C you were facing, not Y4K.


[Y3C] [arms his lightsaber] So, Affy, Garius, how'd you like the Slicestar?

[He used a Sith trick to make it appear that he wasn't there. Meanwhile,]

[Y3K] Hey, penguin, hold still! [aims Chefinator blaster, set to "medium-well"] You make a better target when you aren't moving!

Actually, GL, Slicestars can be destroyed. In Keen 5, it takes 20 shots from the neural stunner to destroy one that merely moves back and forth, and 50 shots to destroy the kind that bounces randomly around a room.

All in all, destroying them isn't worth it.


*Affy snaps his head around to where he thought he heard Y3C. He can't see anything, but knows better*

Garius, we have a slight situation on our hands. I'm activating my polka shield, you might want to turn yours on, too.

*Affy turns on his polka shield*

If anything tries to get through these, we'll know...

Really? I didn't know that! What about the robo-reds? I thought they were indestructible too, but is there some insane number of shots that will kill them too?


*GL arms his polka shield too. He continues to back up towards the pole that would take them up to the next level. He hears a slight crunch behind him and spins around while leaping to the side. A sparky zooms up and is almost upon GL and Affy when the blast from GL's Neural Stunner takes it out of commission. GL looks beyond it along the passageway and notices a small candy wrapper with Sparky tread marks on it.*

Saved by a candy wrapper. We've got to be more careful, Affy.

Oh, sorry, I should've established that, upon saying that, Y3C turned off his invisibility trick. I can see why you wouldn't have understood that; I'd have loved it if you had known it before you'd posted.


[Narrator] There is, they say, not enough love and understanding in the Universe.

For instance, a group on the H2G2 called the "Zaphodistas" has, several times, found themselves banned from some other H2G2 sites merely because of the particular way they go about protesting the way the BBC is dealing with the H2G2. This is because the people who ban them only take what the Zaphodistas /appear/ to be doing at face value and refuse to [ahem] understand them. It's therefore unlikely that they're going to love them, either.

While there's nothing much that can be done about the former -- except, perhaps, to get one of one's characters romantically involved with another one -- it is in the interest of the latter that the following information will be revealed:

*After both Y2K and Y2C are defeated, both grops of Good Guys will meet and then they will battle a pink octopus named Ultros.

*Ultros will face the good guys in a total of four battles. During the last one, he will be joined by a bizzare monster named Mr. Chupon.

*The grayish lump YK will find in his forehead during one of his next posts will eventually grow to become a Summoner's Horn, and after that he will be able to summon such creatures as Ifrit and Shiva with greater efficiency.

*As the OmegaMatic is finally launched into the heart of a star, YK will keep Elizabeth busy so that she doesn't try to reverse the process. Elizabeth will teleport YK back to the Esirpretne at the last instant and be consumed by the star along with the OmegaMatic. She will then become more evil and powerful than any other mortal in the Universe.

*The Millenium Bug will be destroyed in the Space Battle.

*YK will become romantically involved with Janine after this adventure is over.

While this is no doubt interesting, it is of no relevance to the current situation whatsoever.

[YK] Oh, hi, Y3K. You wastin' any time? [arms double-edged lightsaber]

[Y3K] Eep.

[YK] I'll take that as a yes.

What does the thing (the name of which escapes me at the moment) Y3K wants to shoot my penguin with do?

BTW, are you *sure* that the OmegaMatic is going to fall into a star, YK? I've been doing some pre-planning as well.

And when you say that Elizabeth'll be the most powerful and evil force around, I'm not sure just how powerful you mean. I've seen some pretty nasty stuff in my time. Tarjan, Crayak, my evil twin when the corrupt Time Tunnel summoned him and souped him up, the list goes on. Just what range of power are you considering using here?


*Affy turns on the Sith Lord who had been cleverly concealing himself by choosing not to use an ancient mental trick*

Aha! We meet again. But can you do this? Yonk Fweep!

*Affy turns into a giant bat-like creature, with an insanely large mouth. It unleashes a skin-peelingly awful burst of sound waves in the enemy's direction before transforming back to Affy*

Man, you just gotta love the spells that Steve Meretzky invented...

The Chefinator is something the Clones invented and had CLI patent. It is heat based (as opposed to the Snozars, which are ice-based) and uses settings such as "medium well" and "deep fat fry."

And as for the other bit, Affy, D'OH!


[Y3K is knocked backwards. But he is quickly on his feet, and back into bed. Just kidding. He arms his lightsaber and jumps toward Affy]

[Y3K] Er ... who's Steve Meretzky?

Just the greatest game designer of all time.

*GL changes into wolf form and runs around nipping at Y3C's heels, dodging the light sabre and making it impossible for him to concentrate on his fight with Affy.*

[Y3C] Ha! I'll defeat BOTH of you! I'll summon something!

[[Summon]]

[Orbs of light surround Y3C. Then, in a burst of flame, the monster Ifrit appears and boggles at Y3C]

[Y3C] ... You're one of YK's GF's, aren't you?

[Ifrit] Yeah.

[Y3C] Oh phooey.

[Ifrit blasts Y3C with a blast of fire and then disappears again. Meanwhile:]

[YK] Hey, buster!

[Y3K] Huh?

[YK] Watch where you're aiming that! [uses the Force without Y3K noticing so that the Chefinator is pointing at Y3K]

[Y3K] What's THAT s'posed to -- D'HAA! [points the Chefinator at YK]

[YK] Cool. Take THIS!

[[Light of Judgement]]

[Orbs of light surround YK. A huge metallic being named Alexander appears in a haze of light. It looks like a public mail delivery box thing -- I hope you know what I mean -- with epaulets, both of which combined make up two-thirds of Alexander's size. Er, not a very good description, but it's the best I can do in a pinch. Anyway, Alexander blasts Y3K across the forum with a bolt of Light energy and then disappears in a puff of unsmoke]

[YK] Now what?

[Janine] One clone left. And Affy and GL still have Y3C to deal with.

[YK] Oh yeah. Let's go join 'em. C'mon, Penguin!

[All of YK's present characters -- YK, Janine, and Mog -- climb up the pole and find themselves behind the harpoon-wielding Geckoes and Y4C]

[YK] D'OH!

*Affy looks at his own indestructible sword. Although it couldn't be harmed by Y3C's lightsabre, the simple laws of physics dictate that the lightsabre would not be stopped in mid-swing like most conventional blades, unless Affy's blade was glowing at a much brighter blue. Since Affy's sword has gotten used to the bungled attempts to kill him in the past, the sword is merely glowing bright enough to point out the fact that there is danger in the general area. So, Affy pulls out his secondary weapon of choice, the OmeGauntlet. He shoots Y3C with the setting "Snowzar-five minutes"*

Y3C, do you honestly think you can defeat both GL and myself without a working knowledge of people like Steve Meretzky? Two years ago, he was proclaimed to be one of the top 25 "gaming gods" of our time! How dars't thou speaketh blasphemy against the one who hath brought forth such computerish artworks as Planetfall, Space Bar, Zork Zero, Sorcerer, and even the Infocom version of The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, truly games destined for th'Louvre of gaming history? Away from me, thou foul mole of nature!


In all seriousness, though, he's one of the best. Absolutely every game with his name on it is worth playing countless times. Well, with the possible exceptions of his Leather Goddesses Of Phobos games. These games are so good, their the only ones that I would recommend pirating if you can't legally find copies of 'em.

And when I say "their", I, of course, mean "they're."

*WM has spent the last batch of postings lurking, both literally and figuratively, watching Affy and Garius carefully. She finally makes a decision, and makes a break for the upper levels, using Garius' route. It's a relatively uneventful passage, as GL has picked off most of the agressors. She arrives at their position out of breath.*

~That~ was exhilarating!

* after some more struggling, the penguin finally manages to get up the pole and follows the others, gun in hand and disappointed that there are only little bits of dead robot left for him to find *

Affy? Quick summary of what you posted, so we know how to react?

He froze Y3C for 5 minutes - just long enough for Affy to get out his speech. Y3C aught to be thawing about now. The other thing that has changed, is that the rest of the party has caught up. So, now GL is here, still causing distraction by nipping at Y3C's heels and Witty is here too. YK, Janine and Mog climbed the pole and found some Geckoes and Y4C (which Witty must have snuck past - she also must have passed the slicestar). I'm not sure if the penguin is with YK or with us.

So, basically, you have a passage layed out like this:
pole to upper level
GL, Affy, Witty, Y3C
slicestar
Y4C and Geckos (2 or 3, maybe)
YK, Janine, Mog
pole
maze


*A little ampton slides down the pole near GL and quickly climbs back up.*

The penguin's location remains to be clarified.

That last sentence should have been at the end of the section.

Right. I forgot to mention that Mackenzie is here, too.


[YK] Hey! Y4C!

[Y4C] Yeah?

[YK] Take THAT!

[[Mega Flare]]

[YK summons Bahamut Zero, a huge black dragon who cannot possibly fit in this passageway, so he just sends a blast of non-elemental energy out at the Geckoes and Y4C. The geckoes and the clone are hashed to bits by the Slicestar]

[YK] Ow ... that's gotta hurt.

[YK heads toward the Slicestar. Janine slips under it]

[YK] Let's save ourselves some time. [arms lightsaber]

[Janine] No! Wait!

[YK swings his lightsaber at the slicestar. Black-and-white freeze-frame just before it hits]

[Narrator] Can the lightsaber destroy the Slicestar? When Y3C unfreezes, will he take exception to anything? Will Ultros appear at the end of the maze? Find out ... right now!

[Unfreeze in color again. The lightsaber beam cuts into the slicestar and explodes. Bolts of lightsaber energy go flying around the passageway]

[YK] [frantically bouncing around to avoid the shards] AIEEE! D'OH! YAAK!

[The shards vanish]

[YK] Whew!

[Y3C] Ahem.

[Janie] Oh, it's you.

[Y3C] [to Affy] I don't LIKE being frozen.

[Y3C arms his lightsaber, charges, trips over, and falls flat on his face. The lightsaber disarms itself and clatters across the room]

[Y3C] Oops.

[Cut to the end of the area, occupied by Ultros, and then cut back]