h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Looks at The Big C, then back down at his eight spider legs*

Oh, these? Well, I was doing a little biological experiment with a few arachnids in CLI. I was working with the effects of crossing into other realities with a giant spider. The spider wasn't faring so well in this particular alternate reality, so I went in to pick it up and carry it back out. And I'm sure you can guess what happened when I walked out of the spacial rift with the spider. I'm just lucky that this spider was specifically bred to make it possible to replace damaged human body parts. It didn't turn out quite as well as I expected, but I'm pretty pleased with the results. I could be deaded, after all.

what was that for!?!?!?

*throws fake ax to the ground and storms out*

Oh dear...well, at least you're alright...

When you want to change back to normal, we can always have a go with one of my molecular rejigging dohickies on the Space Station...
LOL! I changed myself into a Morph...

Oh, Affy, how do you work in alternate realities? Do you use Dimensional skipping, Matrix breaching or something else?

Sorry, meant to say Matrix biPassing...

*walks back in wearing a pink bunny suit.*

*gets such a fright that he uncontollable shape-shifts into a bowl of petunias*

Hell!

*Morphs back...*

I use whatever method of moving between realities that seems the most fun, really. Sure, we do research at CLI, but I prefer to do work that would be marketable in the entertainment buisiness.

*wriggles out of Frankenstein's Monster-dress that is too warm for her, especially after aireal ballet with sultandude*

*emerges dressed in dark green velvet dress, sleevless, tight-fitting body, wide long skirts*

Kasia, thanks for the drink!

*eyes Jack Nicholson doll hesitatingly*

Hmmmm, alright, thanks...

*arranges doll's arm around her waist, securing it with velcro hand*

Would someone offer me a Moonshine?

*pulling fingers through long, blond, curly hair, trying to sort out the mess it's in after all those hours in the monster costume*

Ah...there's our difference you see, Affy:
You intend to market your inventions, and I just research and develop for myself...
Well, i can give some things to people if they want, but due to our laws in San Beta, i can't actually sell it...we don't use money over there you see...

*he squalches a bit, as he tries out the funny electric blast move the Morphs from Flashback make...*

Okay, I'm back, but I'm not sure for how long - have huge probs to log in!

Great outfit, Titania - suits you better, than this Frankie M-thing

Master of Chaos, are you sure, you'll have this ax in your head?

*Kasia purs a hot spiced wine*

Kasia, you're having trouble too? This is the third time I've logged in...

No, I'm afraid you misunderstand me, Big C. What I meant to get across was that while CLI does research on its own to learn about the rest of the cosmos, the only things we do that are visible in the threads are things that would remind people of (for instance) sci-fi movies, books, or TV shows. The pan-dimensional safari we were doing a while back, you see, is CLI's mix of Planet Of The Apes, Stargate, and The Silver Chair. The current Roswell project is loosely based on the games Starcross and Countdown To Doom, with elements that people may recognize from Alien and the 2001 series. We do our own unmarketed research, of course, but what we do market is equipment and services for the various places of h2g2 (the space station, the cafe, the 24-7, etc.). Other than that, though, there isn't much difference, really. You and Eomando are the only researchers who've ever seen San Beta, and GL and I are the only ones who knows what goes on in the secret back areas of CLI (only GL and I know how to get there).

*Walks onto the dance floor, hoping that the band doesn't burst into "The Jitterbug"*

Ah, yes, sorry...

Oh, just one thing...we should never get the Space Station and the Space Centre mixed up...I think the one you referred to was in fact Alien's h2g2 Space Centre...

Anyway...

*changes the track on the jukebox to 'Dr Jazz' by Jools Holland...*

*ZZZZZOOOOM...Cher Witch of Eastwick appears next to Master of Chaos* "I'll have a double Bloody Brain please!" *Peers into the glass & makes a crack about twins...glups down the drink*
"Yo, Master of Chaos?!? What the Hell are you doing here? You don't like fun!" *Grabs the axe and embeds it deep into Master of Chaos' skull - SPLAT-* "My work here is done...see you all later, I'm working on a SPECIAL spell for All Hallows Eve!"
*POOOOOF... Cher is gone like a cool breeze on a hot night*

Oh dear...

*removes the axe from the poor guy's skull, and materialises some new bone and flesh there...*
*has a couple of probes follow Pandora...*

Oh dear, I've got to go now...but I shall return tomorrow!
Oh, no I won't, Mondays are always busy in RL...hell...

Toodlepip all!

*has to blob out of the room, because Watch refuses to teleport him because of is new molecular structure...*

*thinking the Professor probably hadn't read all the backlog*

*thinking Master of Chaos won't be happy about the healing*

*wondering if she ought to plant the axe in his skull again*

I'll have another Moonshine, please!

* walks in, surrounded by an Aura of Evilness that makes him appear to be the embodiment of Evil to the viewer, and as such is probably different to everyone in the room *

Hey there! Where're the drinks?

{St Bob}
we should get Miss D and him to geather

*walks in wearing really old and out of fashion clothes, smelling like a brewery*

*stops in the middle of the floor, looks at were his watch used to be, frowns*

No wonder I'm late, I sold my watch for wiskey.

*hopes people notice that my costume is a drunk from the gutter*

{St Bob}
I thought tht is what you usually look like