h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

She makes a habit of keeping my in my place, I think!

What a smart cat!!!

::sees Phillipa(SP!!!???), Marie-rae's niece, on the way to the hot punch::


::smiles at her:: ... You look sooo familar...

*strrrretch...yawn* "Oh, I had the strangest dreams! And you were there...& you & YOU!!! There was a witch & a spider...I guess I'll stop eating olives & drinking brandy before bedtime!
The spider dream made me think of the story of the spider as is told by the elders in my Cherokee tribe: Seems a little girl & her grandmother lived happily in the forest. Each day they would go to the river to drink and bathe. One day the grandmother called the little girl to her & explained she was now too old to go all the way to the river. And since she could no longer get to the river to drink it's cool, fresh water, it would not be long before she would join her ancesters. The little girl ran deep into the forset, as she didn't want her grandmother to see her cry. As she lay on the moss crying, a spider came down from a tall tree. "What's the matter little girl? Why are you crying so?" The little girl told the sad story to the spider. The spider thought for a moment then smiled at the little girl and said, "Cry no more little one, I shall weave a tight basket of silk so you may go to the rivre for your grandmother and carry water to her each day!" The littl girl danced happily whilst the spider spun it's beautiful basket. The little girl thanked the spider and rushed to the river to fill the basket with water to take to her grandmother! The grandmother was delighted. She spent the rest of her days learning to weave lovely baskets and taught her grandaughter to do the same. And ever since that time...Indians all over the land have woven beautiful baskets and everytime you see a spider you are to remember this tale. And always greet the spider by saying,"Hello Grandmother Spider!" And you will always have fresh water to drink and live a long and happy life!
The begining....

[Phillipa]

I loved both of your stories! Its so nice to be here.

*Waves to Dragonfly.*

Hello there - I'm cold and I'm wet - is there any chance of something nice and warm to drink?
**Looks hopeful, if soggy**

"arutha suddenly popping up out the cellar door"

Ofcourse you can get something warm to drink, what would you have, coffe tea a mixture of both perhaps???

I think it was two weeks ago wan I wandered into the cellar and was looking for a special bottle of champagne, man, that cellar was bigger than I thought I've been wandering asround there for the last two weeks trying to find a way out.

Coffee would be lovely - especially with a shot of brandy in it. Thanks

Does anyone know how to dry shoes out without them going all crunchy?

Two weeks!!! What a terribly long time!!! All the things you have missed!!! Tell us!!! How did you survive in the cellar!?? Did you eat mice and spiders!???.....ewww..... spiders...

(That was a fantastic story!!!!)

::hands a spare toga to Cloviscat::

Sandals don't get soggy... But since you wear shoes, you silly thing, I suggest you hang them upside down...

And please, don't get the cat wet. She won't be very happy about it!!!

::waves at Phillipa, and walks over to her:: Now, how come I think I know you!??

Thanks for the toga: sandals are a good idea. I did think of going barefoot, but it's pretty mucky out there...

Arutha - I hope you had pleanty to eat down in the cellar - perhaps it's a lost catacomb or something! Do tell...

*Enters the pub and shakes out her coat while her three dogs shake thoroughly, drenching nearby customers at the same time*

What a lovely tale, Pandora!

Arutha!

*Brushes cobwebs off his Arutha's shoulders and is reminded of Pan's story*

Fancy getting lost like that! Still, as you're back in place now, could I please have a nice hot black coffee and three bowls of Tanglefoot for my pooches?

::Gwennie nearly soaks Kes's alchemist coat, but the cat at his feet seems to be comfortable and dry::

::Dragonly sees the three pooches with Gwennie::

::to Mari-Rae's niece::I'll talk to you more in a moment.. I have a cat to protect...

::carries hot punch over to Kes, nearly spilling it::

::leans into his ear wearing a smile--although she's concerned about the cat, she can't help but be delighted to lean into Kes's ear... and whisper to him:: Three dogs and one cat... watch your legs...

::grins::

And here, have a cup of hot punch while you're dealing with three dogs and one cat!!!

"Hey there Gwennie, me old fruit type! You look as though you've been 'rode hard -N- put away wet! Here, Phiily let me use this nice hand made blanket for my cat nap. I think you need it more than I." *whispers, your skin won't SRINK will it? remembring the botched plastic surgery with that 'cut rate' specialist*
"Hello Clovscat. I spent many hours as a child with a cobbler. If you'll trust me with your shoes I'm sure I can save them!" *Pan takes the shoes down from the hooks in front of the fireplace... thinking the hooks must be there to hang stockings for when Santa comes!!! Takes Cloviscat's shoes and rubs hair conditioner on the inside, having no saddle soap or leather softener. Then crinkels up last nights paper and gentally fills the shoes & sets them on the hearth stone at the edge of the fireplace.* "There, wouldn't want them to dry too quickly. Hope you don't mind if your shoes have a 'berry' smell to them, it's the only thing I could find to soften the leather with. It works wonders on my hair." *leans forward & whispers, "I use it to shave my legs with too...very soft."* "It will take about four hours for them to dry. Looks like you stepped in every puddle along the way! Were you just having fun? Or are a bit of a clutz? Another brandy please, and one for my new friend here. And while you're at it, how about a few soup bones for Gweenies pups & a saucer of dolphin milk for the nice Kitty? Thank you kindly."

"Oh, BTW St Dragonfly was the 900th post to this thread! That would be for November 6, 2000 page 44! (that's 44 of those little red ball thingies) Congatulations...I think the 1000th post ought to win a prize...perhaps an all paid virtual round trip, first class to the North Pole? Parka included! What does everyone think of that
idea?"

(HAhahahhaaa... how about Australia instead!??)

There was a 1000th Post at lil´s atelier once. If one is detirmined like Mike A to get the honour, you just need to polypost one after another. No, I think you should honour posting No.999. Or calculate the cabalistic number for "Crossed purposes" or something like that.

Any other story? Spiders do seem to have something warm and dry about them, so is there anyone able to tell us about the cold and the wet as a contrast?

*walks in, covered with snow. Stands for a bit on the welcome mat waiting for all the snow to melt, then procedes into the Pub.*

I fear that I don't know any good spider stories, but I did enjoy everyone else's.

*scratches Gwennie's dogs behind the ears, then offers the cat some fine catnip.*

G7

*Kes tries to think of a "cold & wet" story, but can only think warm and dry at the moment. He picks up the cat, which is becoming uneasy about the dogs, and strokes it ...as a faint odour of vanilla reaches his nostrils.*

Sorry, E .. I'm not much good at set-piece stories ... but I love listening.

There's no need to worry about my dogs chasing cats as they live with five moggies and know that the cats are to be left alone...In fact, the dogs allow the cats to bully them!

I don't have a story, but can tell you all one of my hubby's pub-related jokes, for which you'd better have a vomit bag handy...



Two drunks in a bar notice a spittoon on the floor that is brim full of spit.

The first drunk says to the second, "Hey! I bet you ten pounds that you wouldn't drink from that spittoon..." thinking his friend would decline.

"Okay." Says the second drunk and promptly picks up the spittoon and begins to drink.

The first drunk is absolutely disgusted and pleads with his friend to stop but the second drunk continues drinking until the spittoon is dry.

"Why, oh why wouldn't you stop drinking?" Said the first drunk.... "I begged you to stop!"

"I couldn't stop," replied the second drunk..."it was all in one lump!"

*Gulp!*
Thank you Gwennie, I can't tell you how much better I feel for hearing that .... I can't tell you ...
*Decides not to have the asparagus soup for lunch.*

*Grin*

I know. My reaction the first time I heard it was similar!