h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*wanders in, a bit tattered, with stray "herbs" stuck in her lapel"

Whew! Never spend St. Paddy's day with a bunch of rednecks guarding a herb garden. It took three quarts of Hati's special brew to render them unconscious.

Pandora, did you use all the hot water? *heads in the direction of the ladies*

Nope. My last shower was FREEZING...*glares at
Gwennie-poo...*I hobe ev-body hash had a guud
Stain Pa-hic-Pa-hic Irish Day...*falls backward over the blue goo couch...landing on mari's knitting needles...feels nothing...*

*Not so gently removes Mari's knitting needles from Pan's posterior and returns them to Mari*

As the saying goes, "No sense, no feeling!"

*Wonders whether Pan could do with another cold shower to revive her but then remembers that Hypatia is currently installed and taking a hot one (shower that is!)*

I think i'll go take a leek, hang on, thats Welsh rather than Irish

...*mumbles in her sleep...something about Antonio Bandaras..*

*Shoves a leek into Linus's * There you are!

*Wonders whether she can share in Pan's dream*

Leak Linus?

*Looks up at the ceiling*

Where?

Antonio Bandaras? Where?

*Cranes her neck to see the ceiling*

Tsk! Mari please do stop dribbling and mind you're neck doesn't get stuck from looking up like that!

*Wipes her chin with the back of her hand and dries it on the nearest cloth which happens to be Pandora's skirt.*

Don't go, Linus! Once you've broken the seal you'll be in & out of there for the rest of the month!

I'm rather fond of leeks in cracked pepper white sauce, delicious with lamb.

A Cab sauv would be nice with that.

What a pity those nice soldier boys couldn't stay a little longer.

...*sits traight up...smoothes her hair...*Soldier Boys?!
Where?...*whispres to mari...*are they still here?
...*mari wacks Pan with her cane...*Of course I can still hear!What are you implying?!
Geez mari, it's good to have you back.
...*wonders over to the bar for a bit-o-the dog...wonders why there's still green booze left...realizes that she's looking at a BLUE bottle thru her RED eyespours a mug-o-bourbon...* Ahhhhhhh tip-top o' the mornin' ta' ya'!
It's hard to stop an Irish Brogue once you're really into it.

The nice soldier boys ran away when you started snoring Pan!

*Passes Pan some hair*

It's some of Spike's hair and if you're very lucky Pan, you can have some of my Humphrey's hair too, when I've pinned the wee and brushed him that is!

Exits the ladies feeling much more refreshed...and smelling considerably better.

takes Gwennie aside and whispers ....something rather...er...embarrassing has happened, Gwennie. I have a dog bite in my posterior and it's aching something fierce. Would you happen to have one of those little rubber donuts I could put in my chair?

Pours herself a double G&T nd leans against the bar to drink.

Oh dear! I hope it wasn't one of my s!

*Delves into her ie bag, disguises a rubber in a large blue cushion cover and passes it to Hypatia*

Mum's the word dear!

gratefully accepts the cushion and carries it and her drink over to a corner table

No, dear, it wasn't your . After I anesthetised the redneck brutes guarding the ...er...herb du jour....I was happily picking leaves and putting them into my backpack when this large creature with flaming eyes and sharp teeth and an evil expression came bounding out of the woods and knocked me to the ground. Well, it couldn't have been more than 20 or 30 seconds later when he was followed by his ! The was a friendly sort and immediately toward what remained of Hati's potion. The redneck brute after him and tried to secure the elixer for himself. I ~~~ after them both, not wanting the to suffer any ill effects from the brew. In the melee, I tripped over a sleeping clod and wound up with my tush in the air just at the moment the redneck grabbed the liquor away from the . I think he took a nip at where the bottle had been and got me by mistake, because it wasn't long before he attacked his odiferous master, took the jug and made his way back into the woods.

*looks down at the goo smeared all over his body*

Hmmmm... and all this time I thought Marmite was a small furry creature with teeth.. or wait... maybe that's a Marmot... Anyhoo, ummmmmmm.... thanks, Gwennie! You're a... a um.... a real swell gal!

M-Rae, thanks for the offer, dear, but I think I like having a charred loincloth... it has 'character'


*sits down in a nearby chair with a Marmite-ey 'sqwlorp' and materializes a and a cigarette*

===~~~

My wo-o-o-ord. Tisk....*flipsher hair back...smacking someone on some part of their person...* Such goings on. Cat hair and round cusions and burnt loin clothes......wha' waz I sayin'?

it was all double dutch to me