h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*gets up*
*calls reinforcements - they really slept on until now!*
I´m there!

We can use every man we can get!

Ahem. As a amphibious dragon, I can release energy from my mouth, as fire would be paradox and water ineffective, although I can do that.

dragon? Ah thought ye was a fish!

Mala, I forget it all the time: what kind of tree is the HQ?

Ironwood, it has a nice lawlike ring to it

yes, of course

*CYBERHUMAN awakens and inspects the troops under his command in Team 1*

Alright you guys! Now, the enemy army is but twenty minutes walk away from our main entrance so we had better get into position now ready for when they arrive... Well don't just stand there! Move it!

*The troops hurry into position*

*wakes her own troops*

Right, get to your stations, one of the imps will be by shortly with a light, hot breakfast - but eat up fast, boys!

*CYBERHUMAN withdraws from his troops and sits down quietly in one corner, his thoughts and concentration focused on the battle ahead. He sits cross-legged, like a monk in the midst of meditation*

*passes food to Cy's troops too*

They need to eat even if you don't!

OK, everyone - any last minute business you've got five minutes for. Anyone found not concentrating after that is in the front rows now and on latrine duty later!

*CYBERHUMAN continues with his meditation, sighing deeply*

No, we do *not* have armour for your teddybear, soldier, he'll just have to stay out of the battle. Now get back into ranks!

*CYBERHUMAN emerges from his meditational trance with a new, fresh perspective on the battle ahead. He gets up and makes a final inspection of the troops before the start of the battle*

*starts drumming her fingers on her gun*

We will make a lot of racket so they'll only notice us, then you have an element of surprise. We can't both hide!

*CYBERHUMAN primes his laser cannon*

We won't need to hide. A frontal charge from either side will be enough to devastate their front ranks and cause enough confusion for us to seize the advantage.

Yeah, but we must wait til they're between us - else it will turn into one frontal attack ratehr than a pincer.

*CYBERHUMAN comes over and places his hand on her shoulder in a very matey kind of way*

Then it's a good job I've got an invisibility shield that will turn all our troops invisible until the moment we're ready to attack, isn't it?

Still have to wati til they're between us, invisible or not, unless it also teleports - in which case you could just beam all their batteries out.