h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*gaarge quickly nips back to the scene of the fight, sees his now decimated piano.
He then remembers that the he has to do some work on Gastrophrabtabulor, which simply must be done*

Giguschild drops from the cieling behind the battered and bruised NYC. He has some new Oakleys. He grabs ahold of the back of NYC's underwear, and with one swift movement, pulls them up and over NYC's forehead. The student starts wandering around blindly.

That was my loyal bitch, giguschild. Actually. So there.

Comic violence is great. I mean, really, really great. *reaches over and slaps the tottering NYC. He falls over backwards*

See?

ATOMIC WEDGIE!
*gaarge jumps from the ceiling, and grabs emars trousers. He pulls them up and produces an effect that could be called atomic.*
Ah, what are these?
*gaarge spiots a shiny object on the floor.*
Oh what luck, another pair of Oakleys!

*NYC pulls the underwear off his head and it snaps back in place. he gets up, and exits. the other fighters seem at lost for targets in the meantime*



*NYC returns, with a new shirt with a nifty political slogan, new pockets, and new thermo-enhanced combat boots*

so, you want a fight, do you? I'll fix you!

*NYC whips out a recently acquired heavy machinegun, and aims for Gaarge, over by the piano. Gaarge drops the very pained Emar, and quickly jumps up to the ceiling just as NYC lights up the piano. NYC arcs the fire upwards, only to be knocked to the far wall by Giguschild's tail.
Giguschild then jumps over to NYC in his usual intimidating manner and does his obligatory hiss, but NYC has put up with this long enough! NYC, in one smooth move, pulls out a knife from a hidden holster and slashes at an arm, nearly severing it. Giguschild screams in a manner which can only be describes as chilling*

*having jumped a huge distance, gaarge then starts to adhere to the laws of physics, and so he plummets to the floor.*
"OW"he says

Oh dear...poor, ignorant NYC's new shirt, trouser pockets, and face are all sprayed with deadly, burning acid. As NYC writhes twistingly on the floor, Giguschild kicks him a few times.
"That REALLY hurt!" He screams, leaps into the vent system to wait for his arm to heal again; with the Xenomorph's amazing, though by no means instant regenerative process.

*gaarge sees the poor body of NYC lying on the ground in pain, and has a terrible pang of sympathy for the poor old fellow.*
"would you like a hand?"said gaarge
"Get away from me man, you crazy bass turd!"
*gaarge took offence to his unruly remark. Then he feigned leaving the poor wretch to die, but he had another plan in mind...
he trued around and kicked repeatedly the poor wretch in the ribs for all his worth.
Gaarge didn't really feel sorry for NYC! He never did. He did however predict what NYC would do, and so he used the whole act as a legitimate way of kicking the s h it out of poor old studie boy*
haha *said gaarge as he caught a glimpse of ribs through the bloodied mangled remains of NYCs body*

* after gaarge left(NYC was by this time stripped of all recognisable flesh from his sides) a faint voice coming from NYC could be heard. It said:*
...sea, sea, where for art thou? I need your help...

[ I am fighting in an alternate dimension. If Sea or Evillene are about could they poosibly go ther eand heal me, that would be greatly appreciated. You can find my SUPERBATTLE at my page, which is called Gastrophrantabulor]

*sea appears in the nick of time and kneels over NYC*

[sea] you always manage to get yourself into trouble the days i'm not around... tisk tisk.

*sea gives NYC a healing kiss, which returns him to his original fleshy self*

[sea] now what is this business about me healing a superzero???? now THIS i must see...

*NYC groans, and pulls out his pocket howitzer. He backs himself against the wall, and decides not to instigate too many more fights in the near future*

Giguschild also retreats into a dark corner and blends seamlessly into the background. He waits to see what develops.

*gaarge stares in wonder at the message proclaiming that he is hurt in another dimension.*

*gaarge surveys the scene. He looks towards the ground.*
Oh, what luck!
*gaarge picks up the glasses from the floor. Gaarge then thinks of possible reasons for being hurt in the alternate dimensionm, and puts them back on the floor.*

*After a whle gaarge is bored, so he goes over to NYc and kicks him in the chest - kung fu style- he did this just for fun.*

Now. Stop fighting. There's good chaaaaa-
*gets taken out by sea kicking him in the chest. Gurgles a bit*

*snicker snicker*

*NYC fires the handheld howitzer. Gaarge now has a sizable hole in his chest, let alone writhing on the floor acting as the forum's sprinkler*

The howitzer rebounds off Gaarge's backbone and flies towards the dark corner in which Giguschild is crouching. The Xenomorph leaps away onto the floor and makes as if to attack NYC, but has to dodge another howitzer aimed at his feet. A score of shells fly towards him, Giguschild consistently rolls, leaps or ducks out of the way just in time...except for the final one which thwacks into his abdomen. The impact-sensor on the tip of the shell fails to go off and as Giguschild rolls around the forum spraying blood everywhere, the ticking of the timer can be heard getting ever more fast. Giguschild regains his senses long enough to wrench the incumbent piece of metal out and is about to hurl it randomly when it goes off, reducing his arm to acidic vapour and mangling the left side of his torso, as well as severing his infra-red recieving sensor stack, leaving him to navigate only with vibration and electromagnetic resonance. Drunkenly he lurches into the nearest exit to recuperate. He stops on the way to pick his other pair of Oakleys off the floor, out of the way of Gaarge's thieving hands.

damn you, you bast ard!
* gaarge lurches towards NYC, picks up the lid of the broken piano, and smacks NYCs head against the wall, making his head look like a pancake covered with hair and skin and blood. This was such a huge effort, this heroic act that gaarge did, that he was left a complete wreck by the end, able to do nothing except lie down and breath and talk, but only a bit.*

urm, I hate to ask you sea, but could you heal me here aswell?