h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There you go, a Perfect Presidential candidate. Fenchurch not only is willing to be seen photographed holding babies, but will kidnap them and send photos of them back to the parents.

As for the dirty limmericks - proves she is capable of writing her own speeches, which will be unique in Political History - as they will be entertaining.

Styx, if you really have been in my kitchen you wouldn't have been around anymore.
Anyway since you claim to shorten the lives on h2g2 I can use some help. Interested in an offer you can't refuse.

Yesterday I saw the Sellery in a green salad, swimming in the dressing. The sellery had to while it hasn't cleaned it's feet since it came out of the mud. Plants grow in earth you know, but sellery grows in mud.

What or who is Sellery?

If you happen to be talking about the roots of The Celery, I can be of some help there. He was created using technology from Crater Labs, Inc. and while he may resemble your garden-variety celery, he is far from it. For one thing, he is sentient! For another, he has kept out of the mud all of his life.

Pierrot: Aaaawwwk, take him or leaf him

Also, I said that the Celery was spending time with the seedlings, not spending time growing. BTW, Styx can get in and out of nearly everywhere. Saying that Styx wouldn't have come out of your kitchen alive implies that you haven't taken the time to familiarize yourself with the very citizens and creations of h2g2. Surely you realize that the ethics of continuity wouldn't let someone (or something, for that matter) be permanantly dead here, right?

Well...there's been more than a fair share of dead things on h2g2.....i know a deaded jedi...BB was deaded.....

oh..and don't forget Dead Frog...he's permanently dead....

Well, Dead Frog is a 'kind' of dead, but I've always considered him to be "un-dead", like a ghost or vampire. Un-Dead is like when scientists classify things to be Not Alive instead of either Alive or Dead. In the instance of BB, that wasn't a permanant fix either, and he still communicated as a ghost, another un-dead instance. However, I must confess that I'm not sure about this deaded Jedi friend of yours. Unless we're talking about Captain Al Boy. I have a vague recollection of him saying that he'd been killed at one point . . . anyway, that's my political and scientific view on how death works in h2g2. The only true h2g2 death could be if a researcher is wiped off of h2g2, and that hasn't happened in quite some time, I think. Unless I'm just misinformed.

That's an interesting metaphysical question. With all the will in the world and a healthy dose of technical expertise, ffMike tried to off himself but still persists on threads here and there as Researcher #whatever-he-was, recognisable to those who know him by his comments.

At the worst, perhaps a researcher can fall into suspended animation by ceasing to contribute.

To introduce oneself as, say, a dead frog, ("Hi, I'm Eddy, the dead frog") would be to limit oneself to a very narrow range of activity, at least by the consensual laws of continuity. This is what one properly does at one's place of work, but on h2g2 the paradox and humour of it would wear thin after a while. Becoming "deaded" by another researcher is obviously a special term referring to game-playing within h2g2, and not to be taken seriously as any kind of substantial death.

These long threads will be the death of me

Don Alfredo you must be mistaken rats for stool pigeons which are easier to catch.
*drops basket on the floor*
found this in your kitchen. says From Monsy. ?
interesting that you have a basket that is a present from Post writer.
*scurries off*

Scurries in covered in slease and falls hungarily into Don's basket

How appropriate!

Pierrot: Aaaaawk, Don's a basket case.

So .... the Fenchurch/Bluebottle team consider it acceptable to kidnap babies, provided pictures are sent back to the parents. And that bathroom graffitti is equivalent to political speeches. Well, I guess we know what to expect if THEY are elected!

Pierrot: Aaaaaawwwk, there once was a kidnapper named Fenchurch

That would be odd, having political speeches that were, at one point, written on the walls of a public restroom. I can just imagine how little parents would encourage children to listen to speeches, thus providing a lack of interest in politics for the upcoming generation. For shame.

Speaking of little children.
I just been to Cheese campaign HQ where there is nobody there but it was a playground for teener anarchists for a while.

What is an anarchist doing running for office? Contradiction, hey?

There was this note on the floor. I don't think the Cheese meant for anybody to see it.

Hey Redbeard, spell this!
*whisks back under closet door*

*Picks up the note. Reads it. Grins*

Oh my, this is interesting.

*looks over Affi's shoulder to read*
*bursts out laughing*

*Reads note, with Pierrot on his shoulder.*

Ooooooo, that could be damaging.

Pierrot: Aaaaaawwwk, Bluebottle and Cheese liason in the ticket office.

Pierrot: Aaaaawk, fly in the ointment

We really should thank Styx for this.