h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We aim to entertain.

That's all for tonight folks!

Leave the audience wondering, hm?

It seems to me that Amy the Ant has dusted off that very tired trick of repeating an earlier accusation in order to keep a candidate in denial mode. Insult the voters' intelligence at your peril!

Alternatively, she may not have troubled to read all the campaign literature. This issue has been and gone.

The Celery exists. Like the rest of us, except maybe that cockroach, he was around before the campaign was even thought of. And, as has already been pointed out, he never goes offline.

I have the tape of the conception of The Celery. Yeurgggh!

You don't conceive plants, especially not ones that are sentient and grown in space biomes in the company of other sentient plants. It just isn't done. BTW, why would someone make a tape of that? I sincerely doubt that tape is real!

The Celery was not conceived. He was "conceived of". A subtle but important difference.

Very true.

And anyway, is he or is he not a member of ARSE? I haven't seen him there...

Yes, the Celery was indeed conceived of. By the staff of Crater Labs Inc. We created him in the Space Centre Biome, along with many of the other plants there. That is why he is sentient and not just your garden-variety vegetable-type celery. We instilled into him a considerable intellegence and, it would seem, a genius for governing. Anyway, as stated before, the Celery is in favour of Pan-Culturalism and Universality, no matter how particular entities are conceived, or conceived of.

Pierrot: Aaaaawwwwk, he excludes no one.

Glad to see you're facing up to the truth GL -- The Celery is just one of your bits of limp salad.

Pass the mayonnaise, please.

Like I was saying, nobody seems to read things properly any more.

Garius just finished saying
"We created him in the Space Centre Biome, along with many of the other plants there. That is why he is sentient and not just your garden-variety vegetable-type celery. We instilled into him a considerable intelligence and, it would seem, a genius for governing."

Would you like him to repeat it but use ant-sized words?

Like I said: "Pass the mayonnaise, please."

Would you like me to repeat that in asteroid-sized words?

In the interests of clarity: The Celery is not like any celery you may have seen in the past. He can think and talk. He is an intellegent being.

Now, are you suggesting EATING an intellegent, sentient being?

What do you know about intelligence? You can't even spell it

lol. You're right. But at least I don't suggest (or threaten?) to eat it.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Asteroid-sized words or not, I don't understand why the ant wishes to disregard the obvious sentience of the Celery and attack him physically. This kind of belligerence is completely out of place in a civilised discussion. The Celery stands for good manners.

If I wanted to attack him physically I would be guilty of completely illogical thought processes (my underlying premise being that he is the merely the limp vegetable product of a limp vegetative mind).

The sentience of an entity cannot be established just by inserting the words "obvious sentience" into the middle of as many sentences as possible. You can say he's sentient as much as you like but no one with any sense is going to believe you.

Peregrin is not only sentient but INTERESTING. Much more than we can say about that silent, reclusive, only allegedly existent pseudo-entity known as The Celery.

AND possession of mayonnaise is not evidence of an intention to eat salad.

*Peregrin wanders in. Amy the Ant looks worried, knowing that Peregrin is quite capable of making a fool of himself*

Mmmm.... I like celery.... where is it?

*Peregrin suddenly notices that he has completely destroyed Amy's carefully thought out plans. He exits quickly to avoid a sharp slap from his security advisor...*

Thank you for that delightful little outburst, Amy.

"that silent, reclusive, only allegedly existent pseudo-entity"
My! The venom drips!

You seem concerned with the actual existence of a being that was created in h2g2. You know, you're right. The Celery doesn't exist in the real world. Only here at h2g2. And if you get enough people to believe that it matters, he will cease to exist.

If your goal here is to negate the existence of h2g2 creations, then I think you'll find a lot of people will disagree with you. Your own VP candidate Bluebottle would be upset if your viewpoint caused his h2g2 Waterworks and Beach to pass into the insubstantial mist. What kind of world would this be without Joanna's donut stall, or Marv's chapel of brownies, or Frink's Drinks, or The Aroma Cafe?

Don't forget, this is a race for _Virtual_ Prez. It's not real, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Paradox? No. Just interesting. I would take any one of the candidates in this race over half the so-called 'real' politicians running for office in so-called 'real life'.

Reality is overrated.
h2g2 is not bound by 'real world' constraints, nor are The Celery and
Dolores.

When others complain "It's not real!" The Celery responds; "Imagine!"

Have a fun campaign.
Redbeard, Chief Political Operative
Celery/Webjello 2000
http://www.h2g2.com/A383267

When others announce, 'It's virtual,' Peregrin responds, 'I have trouble enough living in the real world! Don't confuse me more!'

I must say you are confusing a number of researchers, who initially thought Celery was a researcher in himself.

And I'm not clear yet on how you (sorry, The Celery) intend to manage as the president of H2G2. As far as I remember, the only official duty as such is to write a weekly article for the POST. Surely if the article was written by The Celery, it would contain all of your opinions and motives; isn't this a bit misleading? Aren't you hiding behind a mask? (sorry, I was talking to a psychiatrist today)