h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Depends how big the fences are.

Ahh.... A kindred member of the NRA, I presume...

Would that be the National Rivers Authority?

Beaches aren't always public property in the UK - you can have ownership of beaches - normally, though, this consists of just deckchair rights, unless the beach is part of your garden/land and therefore private property.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

But you're free to use the beach.

Ooohhhhh......
And I was already working on an elaborate plan to take it by force.....
Is the law always this complicated in the UK?? (had to read this twice to get it...)

Nah, law's complicated everywhere. But probably over 90% of beaches are council (publicly) owned.

My, you do know a lot about beaches.... Beachician, are you, huh?
HAWHAWHAW!!!!

I do apologize for this "joke". I am truly and dreadfully sorry (just couldn't resist).

*groan*

*Peregrin returns from his peregrinations (it's a word, really - look it up!)*

What's going on? Anything interesting?

We're having one of those meaningless drunk conversations which seem like you're discussing the problems of the universe when you're having it, yet when sober turn out to be little more than the implications of drunkeness... Hmmm....
What's in that barrel, Menza?

Yeah, give us a hint (you don't seem too prone to make more specific remarks...).

For your own safety I had better not.

*Peregrin broaches the barrel with his Swiss Army Axe and takes a swig*

Mmm, fruity.

Oh dear.

*hides in corner*

Hmm, very fruity. Lemony. Kind of sour.

Very sour.

MMmmfffff...xxxxqqxqxxxj....

*Peregrin's mouth screws up*

*Strange sounds start issuing from the barrel, it begins to buckle and twist and finally bursts open to reveal*

SQUICK.

hfxxhrrrrrr?

*Wraps a tentacle round Peregrins ankle and picks him up*

Squilsh?

*eats some sugar to counteract the sourness*

Err... hello Tentacle... and no I'm not food...

*starts swinging Peregrin round the room*

Squick