h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*watches a few people are stunned then pops out from the alcove and shoots a few shots directly through the small hole*

*Shouts out*

Tyger! Nanb'tu'qua?
[Stop! Who are you?]

Sound the evacuation alarm, get all non essential personel out of here, I'll call General O'Neill at the pentagon, we can't contain this

*Walter sounds the alarm and personel start moving out*

Walter, who has the authority to set the self destruct, just in case?

*Waves hands to all assembled in the corridor, all depart except from the specialist soldiers*

Commander, what is the possibility of opening one of these doors?

*Fires more shots through the small hole on the door*

Nil I'm afraid, I don't want to invite them in

Walter get re-enforcements down there

Ah come on! This is getting boring waiting for these backwards Jaffa.

*Picks up phone*

General O'Neill, this is SGC we have a foothold situation, the Jaffa are invading we need re-enforcements

*The edges of the blast door are cut away, and the Jaffa storm out, staff-blasting the stunned SGC members. They begin vcutting through the bulkhead door which will allow them access to the control room*

<<>>

[Jaffa:] I am Tol'nar, First Prime of Montu, your God. Bow before him, or be destroyed. *Tol'nar listens as the hologram of Montu begins to speak in Goa'uld* Montu knows that you plan to destroy your compound using an explosive, but be aware that, even now, our ships are preparing for combat, and that the destruction of your base will only delay the destruction of your planet, and remove your only chance to defend yourselves from us. While this would be a futile exercise, Montu is a kind and benevolent God, and will give you a fair chance to surrender to your God's will.

* A holgram of the colonel appears *

I'll be willing to meet Montu face to face to talk terms, always asumming he's willing to talk to a woman face to face, knowing you guy's are...well...cissies when it comes to dealing with the unknown

*stands down and leans back further into the alcove*

*The Jaffa pause and stare at the hologram. They look towards the globe which is projecting the image of Montu, and then continue working. The hologram speaks tinnily from speakers set into the obelisk*

[Hologram of Montu:] I am Montu. I speak from my ha'tak orbiting the planet from which this gate connection has been established. If you wish to speak, it is either in safety here, or alone and surrounded by my Jaffa on-board my vessel. I cannot leave the pel'tak for now. Who are you, Tauri?

[O'Neill on Phone] Jaffa? We'll see what we can do but don't expect too much. Do you have any idea who they are?

*Steps off holopad*

He says his name is Montu and he's on a hat'ak orbiting the planet, he wants to meet with me, alone, which I'm willing to do if you can send in the marines, or the air force or space fleet, I'm willing to go alone because it looks like he'll obliterate the planet, if I can buy a little time for you to get on to the Asgard, I'll do it. I'll have to leave you as I've left him waiting, 'scuse me

*Steps back onto the holopad*

I'm sorry, you know what it's like, everyone wants to talk to me at once, you can call me Reefgirl, most people do, I'm waiting for a decision on whether a face to face meeting can take place, so while we're waiting for that, what is it you actually want with us?

[O'Neill] As I said, don't get your hopes up. Be careful with these Jaffa, we don't have any records on them. Leave this line open, and one more thing, Contain this at all costs.

[Montu:] A face to face meeting will only take place either here, though holographic communication, or onboard my ha'tak. You would be alone, and I would be surrounded by Jaffa. Since you are representing your world, I will give you this reassurance- that you will only leave my ship to spread the news of my dominion over your world.

Too long has your world been shrouded in darkness. You all but wiped out my kind, and defeated the Ori. However, I survived, hidden away in an obscure corner of the galaxy, growing. Becoming stronger. When the System Lords fell, I claimed their territories, one by one, from the Jaffa slaves and the Lucien alliance. As my followers grew, so did my enemies. As I defeated them, they all rallied their final attack with a similar warning, that the Tau'ri would crush me underfoot, like they did Ra, Apophis, Osiris, Seth...

I decided to pre-empt this and come to you first. The design of your complex has only allowed a handful of Jaffa through, but they have nearly breached the bulkhead which protects your control room. Surrender it freely, and none of your people will be harmed.

If you wish to meet me, my Ha'tak is orbiting the planet you refer to as P3X-888. I will allow you to meet me in person when my Jaffa control your Cha'pa'ai, which will be in a few moments, by force or otherwise. Remember that for every Jaffa that falls in your facility, there are 200 more waiting to take his place on this side of the gate. Unlike the System Lords of old, I am not adverse to having female Jaffa, and so I have a larger standing army than you might expect.

So, what say you?

[O'Neill] Reefgirl, I have reinforcements on way. If you're going anywhere I want your second in command on the phone

*To O'Neill*

Well you heard him, we're going to be completely over-run before long, I don't think I can contain this, we have evacuated all non essential personel so casualties will be kept to a minimum, we have a proccedure in place to wipe every hard drive we have so they can't get their hands on it, luckily we sent a copy of everything we have to Atlantis yesterday so nothing will really be lost. He's also said that if we destroy the SGC he's attack the planet, I'm willing to go to him on 888 it'll be a small price to pay if I can delay him long enough for you guys to get a plan into action. Unfortunatly Scandrea is out on leave at the moment so Aries is taking her place,

*Tannoy*
\/\Aries to control room\/\

Jack, I out of my league here