h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*balancing precariously on the edge of the wagon, tying a knot in a rope attached to the cargo net*

It's a very lovely tree, Caer. I can't wait to get it home.

Lil, when the tree said it wanted to fly, did it mean all the way to the Atelier or just as far as here? *points down into the wagon*

I assumed it meant all the way to the Atelier.

*Lil has finally removed her hands from the tree, which has taken on a distinctly slimmer profile, and which begins to fall over when she starts to move away*

Say, somebody help me hold it up!

Amy, the tree wants to fly all they way to the atelier and see ... well, it has never moved so the whole notion of things having more than one viewpoint is a sort of religious heresy up here, a notion that has been spread by whispering up from the gardens in the village where we actually move our plants around.

And there is a priestess of the new religion, She Who Walks. None of the trees here have seen her.

And that will get the tree down to the salon in time to be decorated. We can all follow down in the wagon.

Where did B4 the Snowman get to?

I see. She who walks, eh? Well, she who flies will show this tree a thing or two . Let's get it (him? her?) loaded up, people.

*flies to some clear ground beyond the tree and drops the folded cargo net*

Did we ever find the owner of those tracks? Come to think of it, they looked rather rat-like.

Not rat-ants!

*helps move the tree toward the net*

And we'll want to lash it up in a tarp or something to protect its branches...

*lands in the top of the tree and does her annual fairy impersonation *

Is there a tarp on the wagon?

*leaves the horses and goes round to the back of the wagon, where he pulls out a large tarp and several lengths of hempen rope*

This here natural rope won't hurt the tree branches.

*arranges the tarp ontop of the cargo net and goes to help roll the tree over to its travel wrapping*

[GDZ]

Out of the trees come three glowing lights. They flit and flutter around the trunks of trees and zip through the branches. They sparkle and leave little trails of glittering effervescence in their wake. Each light bobs and weaves on its own erratic course out of the forest toward the path.

#1: aaaaaaa! look out!
#2: there's a monster!
#3: in the woods!

The lights prove to be wood sprites. The little buzzing wings and ethereal glow are a dead giveaway. One of the sprites jiggles and wiggles and circles d'E and his dog. A second zooms past the horses and makes a sharp arc that brings it to run parallel with the DFB containing Amy the Ant. The third zips up into the air above the treetops then dives down to hover just in front of Affy.

#1: he's big!
#2: he's roundish!
#3: he's all white!'

The sprites flutter frantically and look as if they are pleading for assistance.

Oh, aren't they gorgeous! But what are they saying? All I can hear is bells.

*continues to move the tree onto the tarp, with help from Amos. Actually, Amos is doing most of the grunt work now -- the tree has curled its roots into a perfect ball, making it easier to roll it along like a wibble*

*Pulls out a little plastic box and starts tapping on it*

I'm not sure what they are saying and my translator is not working.

*the tree is finally centered on the tarp and gets wrapped and bound*

*lil moves back and gives Amy a thumbs-up*

Ready for take-off!

*turns around* Now, where is everybody?

*Gazes at the . Answers Lil without taking her eyes off them.*

I'm right here, Lil. They look a little frantic don't they?

{With an almost silent shushing sound, Toasty comes into view from behind a stand of fir trees. He sways back and forth on his round lower section, moving as if he had legs, as if he were skating. He calls out as he moves closer.}

Well, my dear folks, I didn't find anything suitable in the way of a holiday tree, but I did...

{He makes his way to the wagon, but before he gets there, he spins round and round, his various globed sections turning in opposite directions.}

...stir up a nest of...

{He makes a bee-line for d'E and Zeppo and the bouncing light that is circling them.}

...fairies! Aha! They DID come this way! Look at this little creature...

#1: eeeeee! look out!
#2: it's him!
#3: it's the monster!

The wood sprite circling d'E gets spooked and flies high into the air.
#1: (ascending) help us big person and pooch!
The sprite beside Amy the Ant zig-zags back and forth in front of her.
#2: help us dragonfly-ant!
The considerably larger third sprite hovers back and forth in front of Afgncaap5 and pleads.
#3: i'm big but you're bigger! do something!

All three wood sprites zoom off at wild tangents. They fly in swift circuitous paths around the nearer trees and converge on Toasty the Snowman. They buzz around him in a wild choreography but never crash into each other. (Though they come close sometimes.)

It seems that they are afraid of B4.

Ooooo... I wonder if they might be distant relatives of mine?

Hey, s - that's just a you know - mostly harmless, really...

*Affy is following the fairy-talk, but the dialect is a little unusual*

Affy5-So,....um, B4? Toasty The Snowman? The fairies seem a bit....concerned....by your presence. You say you caused a bit of a stir, did you damage their home or something?

*Affy4 is watching the fairies suspiciously. He has his sword drawn and is standing a respectable distance away*

Affy4-Fairies are as trustable as humans,....

Affy4, I would say that they are more trustworthy than humans.

/* Jumps, having been startled by a sprite circling his head */

Why would sprites be afraid of a snow man? Not that it's important, since I think the real problem is what to do with B4. He'll melt if we bring him back to the Atelier like this.

<-- peering into the hole in the ground, has raised one front paw, and has his tail sticking straight back, in classic hunting position.