h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Wendy overhears and starts to get a little worried*

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies looks Wendy up and down, then dismisses her from his mind]

Fret not, dear Wendy, you are not a suitable Screaming Female(TM). We hire those from breeding centres.

[chuckles Evilly]

[Third Mew] }So, THAT'S how you like it, eh?{

[They teleport away, with the gem. You'll need an Away Team to catch the Mews]

[YK] Should we bother asking?

[YQ] No.

[YK, YC, YQ, Nerfal, Link, and Navi materialize in the tunnel]

[Navi] {Now where to?}

[YK] The Force says we go thataway.

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies produces a cookie jar and offers them around, although he's careful to offer one to Vlad first.]

So what do we do now then?

[YK] Duck.

[MaW obliges. YK deflects some Raisin Cannon blasts back at the Rock Buns that were firing, using his cyan-bladed lightsaber. YC follows suit with his yellow-bladed lightsaber, and YQ with his white-bladed lightsaber]

[YK] Oh Bob, these guys are everywhere!

*Pr. C. Tonks watches the Mew's teleport away...*
*...then doubts that Mews can actually do that...*
*...all the same, he analyses the matter dislocation disturbances, and teleports the probes on the same path as the Mews...*

*...he then sits up straight, activates the controls, and revs up the Gelectrons...*


Hey guys, I'm off for a bit...I've, erm, got business to attend to...erm, yeah...


*He flies the ship out of range of the Esirpretne, creates a wormhole, and flies through, closing it after him...*
*Incidentally, the wormhole was not heading towards San Beta or the Space Station...*

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies wonders if it's safe to stand up again. He decides it is, and withdraws his Supreme Evilsaber, since it seems like such weaponry is in fashion at the moment. Switching it on produces a blade of total blackness and some dramatic music played by a four hundred piece orchestra]

Where I go, goodness and light fear to tread!

[Slashes at the air menacingly, the realises that there's nobody to menace. Sighs. Draws pictures in the carpet with the tip of the Evilsabre]

[We're in a rock tunnel, MaW. There is no carpet]

[YK] Okay, if we go through this tunnel, [does so] down this passage, [does so] up this natural staircase, [does so] and through this crack, [does so] we should find ourselves in the same room as the Mews, Pr. Tonks, and a MewMech II.

[He finds himself in a chamber too small for the MewMech to fit in, let alone menace anyone]

[YK] D'OH!

Whaddayah mean there's no carpet?

[points at the carpet]

There is where I'm standing!

[raises the Evilsabre menacingly]

Pr. C. Tonks and the Smallcy are far away from the Planet The, flying through a wormhole...
Only a few probes are flying around in the tunnel, and some hover around the Mews, wherever they are...

*Affy stares at where the Mews and the gem were. A scowl comes acrolss his face. Affy snaps his fingers, and a robot comes in, toting the current gem. Affy runs his hands across the gem he possesses*

Okay, one of the basic rules of thaumaturgy: like produces like. One of the rules of holistic detecting: find anything through the interconnectedness of all things. Okay, where is that gem. Where. Where...

*Affy falls into a trance-like state as his hand feels the gem, and his eyes stare deep into it. A few moments later, he breaks out of the trance, with a giant grin on his face*

I know where they went.


Esirpretne, am going to the Mews location. Will send coordinates for an away team ASAP.

Esirpretne, have scouted out tunnel. Found safe place to teleport to. Beam to http://www.h2g2.com/F37895&skip=0&show=0 for the mission.

FSCoC, be patient. Note that this ship is built to Galactic standard code, which means it has no toilet facilities. Note, also, [Cough] that the Custard ship you sent out earlier was mysteriously infected with a low-level form of food poisoning. Thirdly, [Wheeze] note that all the bridge crew have now eaten some...

[Wheeze]I think I may need to close my breathing mask for a day or two...

What're the chances of that, eh?

*Meanwhile, the robot reappears near the engines. This time, the robot is carrying a strange looking device*


When I finish here, I will be promoted for sure.

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies is unconcerned by the lack of toilet facilities. His Suit of Supreme Evilness is designed for all-day wear and such includes its own sanitary facility and a sewerage plant, cleverly fitted into the infinite space between atoms 5987509437509876673 and 5987509437509876674 in its right arm.]

I'm going to go see what that away mission's all about. Perhaps I can find some Screaming Females(TM) to threaten.

[laughs evilly and activates the Evilport device which whisks him away...]

*sends a low-level telepathic message to YK, too weak for the Mews to notice.*
}YK, I think that the release command has to be "heard" by the gem, but maybe if you use the Force to vibrate the air, you... speech...{
*the connection is lost*

[Link has drawn his bow and a Light Arrow. He sneaks after the robot, WHICH DOES NOT NOTICE HIM.]

*The robot continues its trek, unnoticed by all but Link. A little light beams on its head, and it turns to look directly at Link. Just when Link thinks the robot is breaking continuity, it speaks*

Robot-No, I see no one in this area. I believe that your readings were incorrect, grand one.

*The light turns on again*

No sensors detect anything in this direction. I will continue your prechosen mission.

*The robot turns back towards the direction it was facing before*

Now, what to alter in the mechanisms first, and which crewperson do I alert my presence to first...

[Link silently heaves a sigh of relief]