h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Turns to GL with a serious, manic look in his eyes*

Garius, I apologize for knocking you unconcious and kidnapping you. However, I need to get to the tunnel and find that gem before someone else can. I also need backup. Going up against something like this alone is just suicidal. I knocked you out for two reasons: first of all, you've been an adventurer before, and you know the kind of greed that can come between them and all sense of reason. Second of all, you're one of the only other crew members who knows how to work all of the equipment on this ship.

*Turns back to the tunnel, staring straight ahead. He has a derranged, possessed look in his eyes. His sword (lying on the ground) is glowing a dim blue, and shaking nervously, as if hoping that someone other than Affy will notice it glowing*

[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies has corrected the spelling mistake which nobody else noticed, or at least were too polite to mention]

Well, as much money as possible really. How about we start at fifteen million a month, and supplement it with the profits of evil plans and plots?

[YK] Something tells me that Affy's being drawn by the gems.

[YQ] I've heard that the Mirabilis gems hold one sixth of the power in the universe when brought together...

*Pr. C. Tonks overhears this, and quickly dispatches more probes...*
*A small group head off to the tunnel, not to join the previous group, but to research the gem...*
*...and another, much larger group of a few hundred or so, go off in a different direction, far away from The...*

*Pr. C. Tonkd grins, puts the kettle on, and goes to watch some Stargate SG-1 DVD's...*

Is that good?

[To applicant] I can offer you four Ningies a month and all the cookies you can eat. Alternately, I could arrange for you to die horribly in a bizarre sandwich accident.

An accident that involves a particle accelerator and a pair of rubber bands? Hm...

[First Mew] }Twinkle, for your information...{

[Second Mew] }...we are NOT here to be captured...{

[Third Mew] }...and DEFINITELY not by...{

[Fourth Mew] }...some crack Junior Trainer who wants to make himself famous.{

[Fifth Mew] }I wonder if you comprehend what fame might entail? Anyway...{

[All Five] }}}}}We're gonna catch YOU.{{{{{

[They imprison Twinkle in a pink bubble and retreat to a side passage]

hmm... I never mentioned anything about being famous. If they're going to be like that, I guess I'll have to do this the hard way.
*teleports out of bubble, then absorbs it with the rod-with-dials thing mentioned earlier*
That might be useful later... anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Fafnir, Dracon, go!
*Tosses out two cyan-and-blue Pokéballs, and two Dragonites come out*
I'll teach them to call me a junior trainer. Ready, Dragonites?
-Fafnir and Dracon-: >*!<
All right. Let's go! Dracon, launch a Thunder Wave down that tunnel to paralyze them!
*points to the side tunnel that the Mews used, and Dracon sends waves of electromagnetic force traveling down it*
That should do it.

YK, if this turns into a battle will you be able to run it?

[Red-Shirted Extra] So, what planet are Mirabilisses from?

[YK] The plural is "Mirabilae". And their homeworld is "Meribee".

What IS a mirabilis? I wasn't here.

There was a Lupa...

[To Vlad, or whoever it is who's hiring him]

That sounds great.

[observes the developing Pokémon battle]

Shouldn't something be done about that before they breach the hull?

[draws Evil Raygun(TM)]

No! [Wheeze] Put that away! [Wheeze]

That's exactly what they expect us to do!

[Rummages under cloak, producing a tattered envelope with lots of scribbling on the back. Shows it to new employee, taking elabourate precautions to prevent any other characters from seeing it...]

This is my evil masterplan. Sorry about the [Wheeze] handwriting, I wrote it [Cough, Splutter] in the pub.

MaW, I believe that the "Pokémon Battle" is on the surface of the planet and that you are on the Esirpretne.

Nah...it's in the tunnel inside the planet...I think...


*Pr. C. Tonks, taken over from Pr. C. Tonkd, finishes watching Stargate, drinks his tea, and begins to perform a few stunts with the Smallcy...while his RL self thinks up amazing scenes to create of Governmental House in San Beta on 3DS Max when he gets it...*

*...then settles down to watch the Pokéwhotsit fight...*

Have you heard about 3D Studio gMAX? It's a cut-down, open-source version of MAX aimed at the game development community. Apparently, it'll be made available for free download - press release at http://www.discreet.com/SITE/PressN.nsf/a471aa996206a4e58525654500640891/6a99fe554aadffb985256928006c0795?OpenDocument

[The Mews categorically combine their might to wipe Twinkle's Pokémon out. They then imprison him in the Mirabilis Gem they had]

[Fifth Mew] }Er, once we have all five, how're we going to get a live Mirabilis?{

[Second Mew] }They live on Meribee.{

[First Mew] }We'll use this bozo as bait.{

[Fourth Mew] }Yep. Get this dwip, all five gems, and a Mirabilis, and we have EVERYTHING!{


Twinkle, the current plot is that five Mews are after the Mirabilis Gems, in some sort of three-way deal between them, Atilla the Hutt, and the Rock-Bun people. YK was good enough to explain that Mirabilae were magnificent bird-like creatures, who have these five Gems that hold all their power. If someone has all five, and draw power from them through the nearest Mirabilis, then, as I've described above, the holder of all five has EVERYTHING.

One can be imprisoned in a Mirabilis Gem, if someone else has the right kind of magical or psychic ability. To release someone imprisoned in a Mirabilis Gem, someone outside the Gem need only say the name of the shape. The five shapes, I've decided:
Tetrahedron
Hexahedron (Not a cube: it looks like two tetrahedrons stuck together)
Octahedron
Decahedron
Dodecahedron

*The Mews are interupted by some blasts from the CLI Mini-UFO. Inside, Affy is cackling insanely as the sword (which somehow managed to shake itself to the back of the cockpit, outside of Affy's view but in GL's is glowing in very bright, still hoping that GL will notice it and not Affy. Affy has the advantage in the battle, due to the element of surprise, and the fact that his ship is specifically fitted for close-range battles like this, and has special shielding from most psychic attacks (thanks to the incidents with Pan last series)*

Well, GL, soon I'll have *this* gem. Then, there's only three more to go, and I'll have a collector's item worth more than my current collection! This'll be fun!

*Looks over at GL, who is looking at Affy as if Affy just went insane. Affy decides to turn his attention back to the battle, while he sends a few GatherBots to zoom out, surround the gem, and start taking it back to the ship*

} Ugh. Where did I get the bright idea of attacking five of the strongest psychic pokémon in the known universe? And, would you Mews mind imprisoning my pokémon in here too? I want to be able to apologise to them for being stupid and making them do that. Better yet, *Includes the crew of the Esirpretne in the recipients of the message* COULD SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME OUT OF-- { *is cut off by the Mews superior psychic abilities* } ow...major headache... {


Um, is it the Mirabilae that are omnipotent or the gems?

My Evil Raygun(TM) has a very long range, YK.


[The Former Supreme Counter of Cookies finally manages to puzzle out Vlad the Inhaler's evil masterplan. An Evil Grin(TM) spreads across his face as the meaning settles into some of the darker recesses of his mind]

I like it. I like it very much? Where do we begin? Blow up the ship? Mail-order a Screaming Female(TM) to lower slowly into a bath of acid?

[Bounces up and down with excitement]