Famous Last Words

16 Conversations


"You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

"Calm down."

"That's not a real gun."

"I know you would never hurt me."

"This is a joke, right?"

"What happens if I pull this.......!!!!!"

"There aren't any bullets in this gun, watch...!!!!"

"Of course I can swim!"

"Don't worry, it's not a real bomb."

"Look kids, Daddy's found a BOWLING BALL!"

"Everything seems to be under control."

"There's nothing wrong with this banana."

"What does this button do?"

"If I am wearing pink frilly knickers may God strike me down."

"I bet you fifty quid I can shoot myself in the face and survive."

"That hole's not so deep."

"Hahaha! Driving down the wrong side of the motorway while drunk is great."

"Don't be stupid. There's no such thing as lions."

"Ooh, look - the snake wants a kiss!"

"This electric fire should make my bath water warmer..."

"Heh heh. They'll never find me if I hide in this air-tight box..."

"Auto-erotic asphyxiation is great!"

"Shut-up. I AM Superman. Just watch."

"Are you sure those were mushrooms in the stew? I feel a bit--"

"There's a lovely view if lean over this--"

"Don't fuss, it's only a scratch--"

"Watch where you're pointing that bow, you nearly--"

"It didn't do that last time!"

"Of course it's safe!!"

"Was that your stomach rumbling?"

"It's aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm sure it doesn't matter that we can't find the life jackets."

"I'm invincible!"

"What did you say?"

"Why's it all gone dark...?"

"You want me to shut up? Make me."

"Let's see if it's loaded."

"Gimme a match, I think the pilot light is out."

"We can make it easy; I don't even see a train."

"Don't worry, my husband/wife won't be home for hours."

"I thought the safety was on.."

"Wait! Don't shut the door! The keys are still in the ignitio..@slam. n"

"Hello...hicup...thish ish your pilot shpeaking. We're exshperenshing some turblensh...heh heh hrm...zzzzz...zzzzzzz"

"Never, ever do this..."

"G'day mates! Today on the Crocodile Hunter..."

"Helmet? I don need no steenking helmet!"

"Tigers? You just need to stare 'em out. Watch..."

"Before I kill you, Mr Bond..."

"Dad, while you were away..."

"I've only had the one..."

"Yes, I can smell gas too. I'll strike a match so I can see where it's coming from..."

"Oh come on! That never happens in real life! Look..."

"Which way do you point this thing?"

"Does anyone here know how to fly a plane?"

"No, really, I'm fine."

"It doesn't look that hard."

"Ok, turn it on.."

"Don't point that at me!"

"It only expired last Thursday.."

"Smells fine to me."

"I've seen this done a hundred times before.."

"Trust me!"

"Go on, I dare you!!"


"Er..Does anyone know how to land this thing?"

"I've got the safety on."

"See, this is what happens when you wear a tie to shop class: ..."

"Throw me the knife--"

"What does arsenic taste like?"

"I don't need a blood transfusion!"

"Your mother is sooooo .... "

"Ok, on three... one, two, threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--"

"It's not as deep as it looks, really. Watch..."

"What bus?"

"So, what is the difference between mushrooms and toadstools?"

"So, did you put the power off?"

"Harry...the clock on that nine foot nuclear warhead just started ticking."

"Hey, how come they never let us play with one of these?"

"These prawns taste funny."

"Down, boy!"

"Would you mind taking your foot off my throat?"

"Oi, mate. Stop looking at my bird!"

"I feel a little better."

"And now at last I shall be king of Engla....."

"Is that you, Mother?"

"I drank what?"

"Hey y'all, watch this!"

"Trust me, its the red wire you cut..."

"That's not a rule, it's just a guideline..."

"We're not that high up."

"Come on, a berry is a berry. I'm hungry."

"Captain, why don't we go take a look at that cave over there?"

"So that's it, we're all going to die."

"No, that isn't the trigger for the self-destruct that he just pushed. That's the light switch. [turns around and points] (click) Now thats the trigger for..."

"This is perfect. I was just done."

"Hee hee! Nobody will find me if I hide in this old refrigerator and close the door..." 1

"Don't worry the footbridge is perfectly safe."

"He won't dare come after me here."

"There's no way your 'true love' can save you now."


"There is order in chaos, no really, we're alive aren't we?"

"So this is it....we're going to die."

"Yeah, like I'd really be that stupid."

"I don't care what the 'experts' say, I'm going to do it!"

"£20 if you can get there by half past, Cabbie."

"Of course it’ll take my weight."

"These *sell by dates* don’t mean anything."

"Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?"

"Anyone remember to bring a compass?"

"Steer straight ahead. Steam gives way to sail."

"See if you can make it growl."

"This is much more exciting than going to Spain every year."

"I’m not going to worry the doctor with a trivial problem like that."

"A...ga...DO, DO, DO!! Push pineapple, shake the tree"

"D'you know, I don't feel at all well"

"Full steam ahead and f**k the icebergs"

"I'll get you, if it's the last thing I do!"

"You'll never be rid of us, ha ha ha... "

"Halt. Who goes there?"

"I don't see why we need to pay an electrician when I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself."

"Trained stuntmen? They use trained stuntmen?!?"

"Trust me."

"You and what army? Oh....THAT one.."

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Why is everbody else going in the opposite direction?"


"Well, I think we got out of that one quite nicel-"

"So it's not your watch making that noise?"

"It's always the blue wire."

"Yes I do feel lucky - and don't call me punk."

Stay on target...stay on target..."


"You don't think...? Nah!"

In fact, I could do this blindfolded!"

"Where?" (in response to "Duck!")

"Almost done..."

"Hey, this place has great acoustics."

"Looks like rain

"This blade will lead us all to freedom! Charge!"

"You did pack the parachutes, didn't you, Bob?"

"Hey, I can drive!"

"It's OK, surely it's just the flu."

"S**t, there goes the eyesight as well."

"Recommended speed limit 30 mph? I can do this at at least 50!"

"What can he do, he's asleep."

"No, it can't be poisonous."

"I'm telling you man, it must be through this forest."

"Hey, I know what to do!"

"I really don't know what to do."

"How do you do that?"

"What a weird smell."

"What's that large, thundery noise?"

"So why is it illegal then?"

"Come on, a few minutes can't hurt."

"It's only 40 Watts. You can't get anything from 40 Watts."

"Over my dead body!"

"I'm not sure, but I think this end goes over here..."

"You just go ahead, I'll be fine!"

"It might just be someone who's out of gas..."

"Your potion of what? There was a glass of mineral water here, but I drank that."

"Do my hands seem unnaturally purple?"

"What currents? I'll swim this distance blindfolded with one arm on my back!"

"Lets see if we can make this baby do 200!"

"Say, what does that red light indicate?"

"If this is the brake how come we're not stopping?"

"What do you mean different length of bungee rope? I'm sure this is fine..."

"Is it safe?"

"Relax, they haven't enough forces to storm a doll's house, let alone our castle."

"Hey Brutus, watch my back."

"No, the red one is negative and the black one is positive."

"Watch, I'll show you how to do it."

"You wouldn't hurt a fly."


"What's that big angry mob doing?"

Why is everyone going in the other direction?"

"Don't pick up the extension, I'm downloading a large f@%$...NO CARRIER

I have so far had help from:

Non-H2G2 people:

  • Nikki
  • Smith
  • Sarah
  • Terry Pratchett (not personally, mind.)
  • Gerhard
  • Spike Milligan (as before)
  • Maj.-Gen. John Sedgewick. (as before)
  • Tommy Cooper (as before)

Famous Last Words is part of So Long, and Thanks For Laughing - H2G2's Joke Directory.

1For those who don't know, refrigerators are both airtight and VERY hard to open from the inside.

Bookmark on your Personal Space



Infinite Improbability Drive

Infinite Improbability Drive

Read a random Edited Entry

Categorised In:


h2g2 Entries


h2g2 is created by h2g2's users, who are members of the public. The views expressed are theirs and unless specifically stated are not those of the Not Panicking Ltd. Unlike Edited Entries, Entries have not been checked by an Editor. If you consider any Entry to be in breach of the site's House Rules, please register a complaint. For any other comments, please visit the Feedback page.

Write an Entry

"The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. It has been compiled and recompiled many times and under many different editorships. It contains contributions from countless numbers of travellers and researchers."

Write an entry
Read more