h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

yes, i did... can't remember what they were for, though. some sort of noise you didn't want zeppo to hear...

*sea clutches the sleeve of someone's shirt and looks around, nervous. she catches a glimpse of something moving out of the corner of her eye, and jumps*

what's that?!?!?!

Don't move....if it's the Montressor prototype, he's attracted by motion....you know, you'd think that GL and I would've disabled that thing....

*sea freezes, although the sleeve she's holding is in imminent danger of being ripped off*

*freezes too*

*out of corner of mouth*

What's a Montressor?

Could we divert it with some amontillado?

*very quietly*

I hope there aren't any masonry supplies in the area.

Did you say "don't move?" Ok, I won't, but I don't think Zeppo heard you. Darn ear muffs!

/* Zeppo happily wags his tail and goes to investigate something that looks like a purple avacado. He paws at it, and it shoots across the room. */

..____
OO

/* Zeppo leaps, chases, and pounces on the large purple fruit */

..____
OO

*The "fruit" actually turns out to be a genetically engineered plant that was discarded because of its ridiculous kinetic properties. As Zeppo pounces on it, and begins wildly bouncing around the room until it....somehow, and with an amazing amount of luck,....smashes several times into the shadows, colliding with the strange machine several times. The fruit finally loses its energy and comes to a stop, and a now-broken robot that resembles Ampton, except taller, silver colored, and with a Jacob's Ladder on his head, falls out of the shadows. Affy relaxes and runs over to it*

Just as I thought....oh, for those of you who've not had the displeasure, Montressor is a sort of Alter-Ampton that we designed as a work-bot for The Masque of the Red Rejection eMail back when he was hanging around the Guide. He wanted something capable of doing all of his dirty work, so we programmed Montressor and sold him. He made modifications, and Montressor became a well-known villain on many adventures across the Guide. However, there were six prototypes that were made and discarded because of faulty vision. Instead of destroying them like we should have, we stored them down here. It sure made sense at the time,....

*Examines the empty husk of what was Montrabot-Beta. He mentally did a checklist of what to expect if he ran into Alpha, Gamma, Delta, Epsilon, or Zeta*

We should keep moving. And d'E? Zeppo's allowed to have a free doggie toy from our pets department when we get back. His choice.

*curious, Lil wanders over to where Zeppo found the fruit and finds a phosphorescent vine with several much smaller fruit attached. She carefully detaches one, stores it in a kleenex and puts it in her backpack*

Okay, let's keep moving. No telling what else is in here. Well, okay, I could tell you, but it'd take a few hours for me to read off the entire inventory list from my watch.

/* Crawls into the shadows to retrieve the purple fruit */

I think Zeppo already found his toy. I'll just keep this, if you don't mind. It's great! It'll keep him busy for hours.

/* Wipes away at the bit of shadow that remains clinging to his arm. */

Ok, I'm ready to go now.

..____
OO

[Someone] [from behind] Hi.

[Behind them is a young Hylian ninja (That's what it looks like) with disordered, blonde hair (what you can see of it). God knows how he managed to get here unnoticed. Affy should immediately recognize him from the trip to Hyrule as Sheik. Nobody else here has met him personally ... I don't think.]

[Sheik] Sorry to startle you like this, but I just thought I'd join in the fun.

[He moves towards them and becomes invisible for a few seconds, thus explaining a) how he got here unnoticed and b) why they felt like they were being watched. No, not b), because that's still there.]

I'm sorry if I stepped on your toe back in the lift, Sheik. Who knew?

Did anyone else see an invisible man? Or am I just not seeing things?

..____
OO <-- sniffing at the air

Sheik? What're you doing here. Last I saw, I'd just handed you the imbuing spell and left you on your way.

You know, Affy, we really should improve the lighting down in these sub-basements. Then again, we rarely come down here, so I suppose it doesn't really matter.

Isn't this the room where we put all those early attempts at making an automated doughnut machine for Joanna? Too bad they never worked out - her handmade ones were always better. Ours were always like rocks.

*A doughnut sails by, just missing GL. He turns to see a Montressor-prototype with a doughnut machine for a head. The doughnut machine looks something like a toaster, but with a hopper for dough ingredients. The hopper on this robot seems full, and the toaster slots are pointing roughly in GL's direction. As he watches, a doughnut flings out of one of the slots. GL ducks and it flys over his head, smashing into an old gumball machine. The gumball machine explodes under the impact, flinging gum balls all over the room.*

DON'T EAT THOSE! They were experiments in chewable meal replacements, but they all taste like burnt roast beef with brussel sprout gravy. Definately an acquired taste.

*Another rock-doughnut whistles by.*

*ducks*

[Sheik blinks in surprise, then shakes his head.]

[Sheik] Uh, no, the spell was subsequently, or rather, previously, used.

*standing behind a pillar to avoid flying fossil carbohydrates* You guys love to play with time, don't you.