h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wow! Hey, this could easily work! Animals, even intelligent ones like Kraken, tend to avoid confrontations with each other, so this type of ink cloud may make the appearance of a different Kraken! Not only might we lose our tentacled friend back there, he might even be scared to come after us now!

Plus, as an added benefit, we don't have to navigate with an ink cloud out the front window like we did last time. Looks to me like we're nearing the end of the tunnel, too, and we'll be in the ocean soon.

[Roll] And we didn't have to risk life and limb by making him angry!

Yeah. Let's just hope there isn't any difference between ink clouds produced by male and female Krakens. Something tells me that with our luck, our ink cloud is a female Kraken ink cloud.

*Sees the light at the end of the tunnel.*

Almost there.

[Protoman] I wish I hadn't used that 'don't jinx it' line. I think I'll want to use it again, with more humorous results.

*The submarine makes it out of the tunnel, and sunlight floods down from above*

Okay now. All we have to do is make our way home from here.

*Blinks a few times*

Um, let's see....how do we get home? Death Rapids? The Whirlpool Of Insanity? The Malevolant Maelstrom? The Insidious Sea? Kraken Cove? Butterfly Bay?

[Protoman and Roll] [and whoever else wants to, simultaneously] Butterfly Bay.

*looks over at Protoman and Roll, with wide eyes*

You sure you want Butterfly Bay? This is THE Butterfly Bay we're talking about here.

*Jumps behind GL, pointing fearfully at Protoman and Roll*

They're mad! Mad! They've fallen entirely off their rocker!

/* Simultaneously with Protoman and Roll */

Whirlpool of Insanity!

/* Later */

Who me? Mad?

[Protoman] All right. Explain to us what Butterfly Bay is.

*Anticipates something along the lines of Mothra.*

Yes, do tell.

*Sighs*

Okay, Garius. They wanna know the story of Butterfly Bay. Hold on everyone, this may take a while.

*Affy pulls out a guitar and a stool. He sits on the stool and tunes the guitar*

I'm a bit rusty. I was never even too super at playing the guitar either, so that may cause a few problems. Still, I can tune it....

*Affy finishes tuning it, and pulls out the CLI Guitar Tune Strummer and connects it to the guitar. He turns it on, and the Guitar seems to be strumming itself. Affy still holds it for effect, however, and he puts on a cowboy hat. The lights dim slightly, a spotlight shines on Affy, and he starts singing, with a somewhat notable accent change*

Now sit back folks and I'll tell you
The tale of Butterfly Bay
And the horrific instances
That happened there one day.

A few local kids were there
Having a picnic
But after eating their pickled beats
All of those kids got sick.

It was a horrible party, yes,
These poor kids met their fate
Just because they failed to check
The beats' expiration date.

The first was little Billy,
He felt light of head.
He went insane, jumped in the bay
then drowned and he got dead.

His insane ghost floated up in tiem
To see poor little June
Mutate into a giant moth
With a proboscis of doom.

It was a horrible party, yes,
because of what happened there.
It might've gotten a little worse,
But no one played "Truth Or Dare."

The next to notice the effects
Was a little kid named Sam
He grew mandibles upon his mouth
And big claws on his hands.

Finally came a girl named Sue
Who actually tried to run.
But because of the effects of those awful beats
Was a big mud monster when done.

It was a horrible party, yes,
That's how the legend goes.
How we even know this tale,
No one really knows.

It's said that these four mutant kids,
The insects, mud and ghost
Haven't finished their picnic yet,
And so they haunt that bit of coast.

Still hungry they fight travellers
Who just might come their way.
And they invited other monsters to join the fun,
At least that's what they say.

It was a horrible party, yes,
Of that there is no doubt
Now they hunger for wanderers
Instead of Saurkraut.

Oh it was a horrible party, yes,
Learn this message before you go:
Always check the expiration date
Because I told you so.

*Affy stops singing, and the CLI Guitar Tune Strummer ends with the ol' "Shave And A Haircut" ending. Affy puts up the guitar, hat and stool, and the lights come up*

Anyway, that's what's at Butterfly Bay. It's haunted by those kids and other monsters that showed up over the years. Just so you know, it got the name before the kids mutated there, because there was some legend about their being giant butterflies that would migrate to the Bay from another dimension once every hundred years, or so. Supposedly carnivorous butterflies, too. Add in that legend to the folk song that's come out of that place, and you can see why Garius and I don't like going there. We used that route to get home once and it was creepy. We think we might've actually seen the kids who mutated into the insect monsters, but we still like to avoid it. The picnic blankets and foods were still out, too. There was even an unopened bag of potato chips. My bet is that they use it to tempt warry travellers.

[Protoman] .....

/* shivers */

Did you check the expiration date on the bag of chips?

[]

No way. GL and I were trying to get out of that place ASAP. We made sure to keep as far away from the actual spot where the picnic was as we could.

I'd like to try the The Malevolant Maelstrom (or Malstroem, or Malström, or whatever) - is that something like a giant merry-go-round?

[Protoman] I say we use the best way we can possibly decide, at this rate: darts.

The Maelstrom? It's....it's like a giant whirlpool. It'd head back to a CLI dock, but we'd get pretty banged up in the process.

What if we go with the flow - you know, turn off the engine and let the Malström swirl us around and around...

...hmmmmm... but if we try that, I'd suggest we take some pills against sea sickness - the ride might still be somewhat bumpy...