h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I think my head is going to start hurting if that darn masked ball goes on much longer.

Affy, if I can reach your personality please... Thanks for the info.

(I do believe that I am unintentionally dominating this forum...)

*Jester appears*

So, you think you'll dominate a forum that's illegal due to the laws of Forum Breaking? Oh, ho ho, a crime lord! Well, I don't hang well with law breakers! See ya later, alligator!

*Disappears as Davius' skin turns leathery, his limbs shrink, his snout extends . . . soon, he's an alligator. The alligator notices a note one the ground*

If Green Jester leaves a giant bedbug, either Yawn, sing a lullaby to it, or pretend to sleep. If Jester put a red clown nose on your nose, remove it before you suffocate. If you are transmogrified into an alligator, just wait about seven posts, and you'll change back*

Snarl.

(Thinks: Heh, how appropriate. Does that crazy, crackpot clown really think that _I_ am going to wait for seven posts? Not me! For I have such power too! Lessee now...)

Gurgle growl bubble.

(Thinks: Oh, duh. Alligators can't talk. Oh well, no need. Heavenly wind, carry us to fountain of power! ESUNA!)

*There are some nifty magical effects, and Davius is restored to normal.*

Look, I know it's bad grammar, but that's how you cast the spell, okay?

Jester: Be aware that I normally come after your type with either a BFG 9000 or an Apocalypse sword with a Knights of the Round materia equipped. I suggest you knock it off. (On the other hand, you do add a lot of excitement to my life.) Oh, and "on" doesn't have an e in it.

Well, I think we'll have to scout out to the Aroma Cafe forest and see if we can get some acorns from there. Then, with the acorns and doughnuts we already have, we'll be able to have a strong variety of weapons to use against the rabbits and have many strong trees.

Goody. Shall we link there?

I would, but I don't have the forum handy...

*Reapears*

You have been warned
I told you to go
But you just wouldn't go.

Now for your crime,
I'm afraid you must pay
For coming back to this show!

*The Jester fades out while cackling maniacally, as BB turns into an alligator, Eomando gets picked up and flown away by a giant vampire bat, Davius develops a problem breathing (probably due to the red clown nose clamped on his face), and a giant bedbug starts to block every possible exit from the room. The Jester left a scroll on the floor*


I, the wizard Megaboz, alias The Jester, alias Barbazzo Fernap, will stop just as soon as you stop breaking the rules of continuity. Eomando should be dropped back in about three posts. Oh, and Davius, don't go challenging me to a wizards duel. It takes more than a parlor charlatan with some good fencing skills to do me in!



I don't advise insulting the Jester again.



Oh, come on Affy, let 'em have a little fun! Meanwhile, I have a few more tricks up my sleeve . . .

Heh heh heh...pathetic.

*Pulls off clown nose with no difficulty whatsoever, and smashes it under his foot*

ESUNA! *BB returns to normal*

MANIPULATE! *Gives Eomando psychic control over the bat, so she can come back down anytime she wants*

Energy... BLASTER! *Fires a huge blue beam of power at the bedbug, which is totally engulfed in the blast and reduced to a small pile of ash*

*Blows out smoking index finger for dramatic effect*

Now, Jester, perhaps: 1. You can give me a bit more respect, if that's even possible for you, and 2. You might consider listing those rules of continuity.

Woohoo! I love this place!

*Jester, laughing as if everything was going perfectly (he's obviously deranged), reapears in a flash of light. After taking about two minutes to fully check his breath and stop laughing, he turns to Davius again*

1) I'm sorry, you seem stuck at the current level of respect that I have for you. Which is to say, I have less respect for you now than I had for that adventurer in Zork Zero. Of course, I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that you don't know that much about Zork, so you don't know what I can do. Cursing entire planets and altering the course of history, that's my job. But what kind of a Jester would put you in *serious* trouble? That's not my job as of now. Actually, I'm trying to help you, but you won't take my advice. I'd hurry before the *real* authorities get here!

2) Listing the rules of continuity is as difficult as listing the enitire set of ethics and morals. They can change at any time. BUt still, there are some basic rules, such as not burping in public, that are commonplace anywhere.

For instance, the rule I am refering to is that you just go to the Bond forum, leaving the fate of Mt. SandEverest hanging in the balance, without any decent explanation of how you got here, no sense of urgency, etc. The whole premise of the original conversation is barely here anymore because you jumped into the Bond forum.

3) I think you respect me as much as I respect you. I doubt that either of us knows enough about the other to really respect the other that much. So, what is your legend, where have you come from, what is your magical strength, etc., etc., etc. Oh, and please don't say what the last person said. Something about drawing strength from Pokemon. If it's anything like that, just don't bother.

4) I can keep this up just as long as you can. With acorns so close, yet so far, you don't see them. Hurry, before I start to *REALLY* get annoying!

*Begins the maniacal laughter again. Suddenly gets a gleam in his eye*

I'm bored. Let's play a game!

I've never owned a hoochy gootchy
I've never even had a poochy
I'm not that great at the ol' 'smoochie-smoochie'
But I'm just great at Double Fannucci!!!

*The Jester folds a folding table out of nowhere, and shuffles out 174 cards. He motions for other people to sit down*

C'mon, I dare ya! There's a prize if you win, and no penalty if you lose. So, sit down!

*The Jester motions at the chairs around the table*

All righty, I shall respond in kind...

1. No, I don't know much about Zork, but I could soon fix that if I wanted to. As an aside, since when does anybody (excluding you, of course, since you'd be about as biased as somebody with a shotgun to his/her head) define alligator-morphing, clown noses, and giant bats and bugs to be help? And who _are_ the real authorities, anyway?

2. We're allowed to travel through time here. I'm sure you've done it yourself at some point. When we get back to SandEverest, only a few split seconds will have gone by since we left. Oh, and you sure don't seem to be doing much to preserve the premise of the original conversation.

3. If you really want to know, I'm a traveller of (mostly) two-dimensional worlds. They're chock full of objects, spells, and abilities of great power, and I'm a collector. Of course, I usually wind up saving somebody (or the entire world) before leaving. (Didn't you read the title of my user page? I'm the Keeper of the Chaos Emeralds! The things that bestow near-invulnerability and a neat glowing-yellow appearance!)

4. Go ahead. I can stop anything you can dish out. (Forget I said that.)

On the topic of the card game, I think I'll pass. I've got a feeling that the prize involves a red clown nose or other somesuch. (Not that I'll even bother to mention that I have no idea how to play double fannucci, or that I'm slightly allergic to bad poetry.)

Hmmm... now that that's semi-sorted out (no violence in the Limbo in which we exist between fora, please!) we'll make one last expedition to the Aroma Cafe, and then return to Mount SandEverest and resume war on the evils that are rabbits.

Hey, I tried to get into that forum, but there was some sort of lock on it. Doesn't matter, though, because you're right about the acorns in the Cafe forest.

*Wanders off to the forest to find acorns*

http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=26140&thread=49964

Also wonders off into the forest, but goes to the other side, as the last one was quite awkward to enter.
http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=26140&thread=51992

*wanders randomly in*
*mutters the word "acorn"*
*grins incomprehensively*
*wanders off again*

¦M¦