h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, have we all made it back into the Bond forum? Good.
Now we need to find out where the acorns are... Spread out, search the forums, and report back if you find anything...

I remember the scene in the donut stall where Bond Girl received an acorn... And someone had acorn earrings somewhere...

*thinks about watching the movie again because the characters are getting mixed in her head*

Spreading out now...

*Increases the improbability field surrounding his body, thus causing himself to split into 5 identical Daviuss*

Alright, I'm off.
So am I.
Me too.
Same here.
*Just leaves*

Okay then, looks like there may well be a lead in the Doughnut stall - good work so far. Okay - off I go!
*Heads off to look at the doughnut stall, and gets as far as ordering a doughnut...*

*One Davius returns*

Something to report...
In scene 9 there are a large number of oak trees & acorns. We'd just have to make a minor adjustment to the genetic engineering to eliminate the squirrel-hypnotism effects, but the rapid growth rate will make our job back at Mt. Sandeverest a lot easier.

*Waits for the other 4*

Sounds very good to me... We're definately turning up good results.
Although the possibilities of the Doughnut stall is still my favourite so far...

*Another Davius comes along*

Report!
The presence of Bond Girl Eomando recieving an acorn in Scene 4 confirmed.
We shall see if an acorn doughnut is feasible.

*Starts talking with the other Davius while waiting for the rest*

*One of the Daviuss answers his fusion-powered cell phone*

Hello? Oh, hi. Really? That's great. Okay, see you when they're done.

*Hangs up*

I've just been told by another of us that he's ordered 5 dozen really-really-fast-growing-acorn donuts from the Donut Stand. We can eat these on Mt. SandEverest, and the crumbs will grow into oak trees. Our stomach acid will prevent them from activating inside us or in the toilet. (Now THAT would cause havoc!)

*Pulls a chess board out of nowhere and starts playing chess with the other Davius while waiting*

*Davius #4 emerges from a temporal rift, which closes behind him*

Well, I've skimmed through the entire timestream here, and I haven't seen any other major acorn bits unless you count the bit in Scene 11 with the exploding acorns, but I doubt that they would be useful. Maybe we could snitch a few S30s and use their donutty essence to further enhance the acorns?

*Wanders over to the other two; calls Davius #5 and tells him to help #3 with the donuts, then joins the poker game they've been playing for about 10 minutes*

*Daviuss 3 and 5 come up*

Okay, we have the acorn donuts.
Yeah, and we picked up a few coolers full of drinks in case we get thirsty while eating them.

*The others put their Yahtzee game away and they all merge back into one*

Ahh, that's better. Sustaining multiform for so long was giving me a splitting headache.

*GROAN*

Right - well, good work Davius - time for us to insert ourselves into Scen 1 of The Doughnuts Are Not Enough.

Exterior, Mt. Sandcastle. Camera pans in to reveal Donut Stall, with Joanna serving a group of people
*DE is in the group of people ordering a Super Sugary Science Site Special*
DE: An S5 please.
*No one notices Bluebottle sitting on a table supposedly eating a doughnut, but really tapping out something sinister on his lap top, which we now see has an antenna.*
*Joanna picks up donut from beneath counter, and hands it over*
J: Eat and enjoy!
*smiles*
DE: Thanks here you go, exact change.
*DE takes doughnut and walks over to viewpoint to look at the beatiful view of the beach*
*E walks over to join DE by the beach*
*Three men in dark suits and black glasses enter the area slowly, and very calmly walk towards the doughnut stall with expressionless faces. What no-one notices is that one of them is the Bluebottle from the SandEverest thread, and the other two are Davius and Davius*
*E walks over to the donut stall to get her usual S5 after talking briefly to DE*
*A Sauve man wearing a Black bowtie walks over*
Bond: An S5 with a dry Martini chaser shaken but not stirred.
*He takes a seat facing the crowd*
*E walks over to the table and sits down next to the man, accidentally bumping into one of the men in black suits on her way Bluebottle from SandEverest uses this oppurtunity to take her doughnut from her. The man in the black suit doesn't seem to notice, and his expression doesn't even change. Bluebottle is too skilled to give his game away.*
*JB notices a hint of gunmetal throws over the table and takes out the gun toting baddie. Simultaniuosly draws and with two precision shots shoots the other two before they can move.... Luckily, Bluebottle, Davius and Davius were prepared for this, and were wearing a bullet-proof vest, and so were not killed. They play dead.*
*DE is oblivious to this as he continues to watch the sunlight play upon the water*
*Bluebottle (from Bond), though, makes a alculation on his lap-top, smiles at the result, and packing up, leaves the area.
Meanwhile, the bodies from the 3 dark-suited strangers disappear....
(This is because they have used the wormhole to return to their own thread with a doughnut.)*
*DE notices a flower beside the wall and climbs over to pick it up*
Bond: Don't touch that DE!!!
BB (past): Why not? I'd left...
*Even though no-one had said before, there are several oak trees in the background.*
*BS appears with JB's Martini*
BS: Your usual James....*calmly ducking behind Joanna's doughnut stall*
*DE heeds warning and inspects the flower closely*
DE: It's just a common climbing rose. Nothing worth worrying about
*Climbs back over wall*
*no one but Bluebottle notices that Joanna has quietly left the donut stall and is making her way stealthily toward the oak trees*
*James turns and his eyes follow Joanna's progress toward the oak trees*
*Joanna feels she's been spotted. Realising its too dangerous to go to the oak trees, she starts chatting with customers, and looks inconspicuous. The customers include even moer copies of Bluebottle and Davius from the other thread.*
*JB removes his hand from the security of his holster*
Bond: Maybe I'm just getting to paranoid.
*His wristwatch beeps*
Hello M.
*While James talks to M, Joanna makes a break for it, so that by the time he next turns round, she's gone without a trace*
M: Well James I believe some fiend is trying to cover all the world (not just England) with Oak trees we believe he may have a accomplish who is trying out some suspicious Doughnut recipes. Personally I find you an arrogant, chauvinistic, dinasaur. A bit lumpy and a bit loose at the seams, but Emily loves you. Da da, da, da da, da da.
JB: ? I think M was telling me to report in to Q(RIP) I've got the co-ordinates here.
*While Bond runs off, Bluebottle and Davius grab the remaining Doughnuts that are infected with the Acorns, and leave the thread, returning to SandEverest with both acorns, and the Doughnuts genetically engineered to turn people into doughnuts.*

That whole scene can be found at:
http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=19534&thread=36548

I remember that when I was Volk, I had a stash of acorns in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet in the office of the sawmill. These were BB's original ones that didn't have the squirrel modification. Unfortunately, Bond blew them to bits with a rocket from the Aston Martin. Perhaps if we went back to that forum, we could get them before they are blown up. I'll give it a try.

That sounds like a very good idea, make sure you tell us all when you're done.

Erm, how will we use the genetically engineered donuts? Feed them to the ravenous squirrels trying to get our loose change? Actually, that might work well if we invade the oak forest.

Surely there'll be something at the forest of oaks which suddenly grew outside the Aroma Cafe...?

That sounds like a good idea.

*Green Jester steps out from the scenes*

Bond's break the rules
Of continuity.
Perhaps he can be pushed
To the brink of insanity?

*Chants a few things, and secretly uses magic to close the illegal forum portals that were used to enter the Bond scenes*

When they stop cheating, they can come back here, and find it closed. Now, I just have to take care of the PDCC . . .

*Disappears*

One thing that was never mentioned in the movie- the Krylma leader also had a few plants that grew incredibly strong and fast. He may have gotten them into his escape pod, but we can't be sure until the sequel.

It doesn't matter what you do to the Pan-Dimensional Channel Changer. Trust me.

Didn't the genetically modified oak trees already grow incredibly strong and fast?

Yes, that's what we're looking for, right? Spare acorns? I'm just saying that I was originally going to continue on the plant theme with the Krylma. But I decided that they were more malicious where animals are concerned, so I abandoned the idea.

Don't worry, I'm not trying to kill you off or anything. You should just get more than confirmation for Mr. Loud Voice before you go forum jumping..

Ignore the Jester.

No, don't.